PTSD&D | Way to Go, Wheeler

You're about to listen to the first experimental season of our show, formerly called Nat One Presents the Podcast. For better audio quality and our current ongoing DD campaign, skip ahead to season two featuring the Daft Monks. On this episode of Nat One Presents. You're never gonna get the stank out of that Hummer. I hope you know that. It's toiled, as some would say. But guess what? You don't have fire anymore to try to heat treat it. Adventure. Hot woman stories.

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Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents the podcast. Hey Nate. Oh yeah. What's going on?

Not much. I uh I didn't know we were wearing hats today.

Yeah, it just felt like a hat kind of day today, you know. It's a good one. Oh thanks, man. It says I'm an essential worker.

Literally just it says essential. Essential on it.

It's uh it doesn't actually it's critical because who knows how long I'll have a job.

I don't remember which one it was. I'm terrible. Where are we going today? What are we doing today, Nate? Um, today we're gonna do an episode of PTSD. Ooh, that's exciting. Yeah, I think so. That should be fun. Um, you came up with the premise, so explain to me what we're doing.

Yeah, sure. So uh if you go back to one of our earlier episodes, the number forgets me, but the episode's called Linka to the past. Um we did a PTSD where you're like a washed up, your wheeler, the fire ring kid. Yeah, and you're basically like a washed up child celebrity now. You're like an adult, you're at a bar, you're like telling the bartender about the good old days, lighting your cigar with your, you know, your fire ring. Yeah, and uh basically like total, total wash up. And you go to see like a psychologist who like he has you like take some like he basically has you like lick a toad and then you go on like a trip, like remembering like where you went wrong.

And anyway, episode was funny because we thought we were gonna be like role-playing Captain Planet, and then we just really focused on Wheeler the whole time, and then his like weird obsession with Linka. Um, which is actually, I went back and like recapped some of the show for this episode to get like a little bit more context, and they even called out, like, yeah, he is like weirdly hitting on her, like he's all about it. So, anyway, the premise for this episode we were thinking is that basically all the other members of the planeteers like call him to a meeting and he doesn't see it coming, but they basically have been uncomfortable with some of his behavior, and so they brought in an arbitrator to kind of talk about it.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, I like it. All right, you uh in a moment, you ready to uh you need to channel any wheeler energy right now? I don't know what kind of voice I'm gonna do, but we'll just you didn't do a crazy voice, you just like you just embodied like being watched up. Yeah, I don't even have to embody it. Nate's already there. Nate's experienced all phases of stardom stardom in the first season of our show. Oh, yeah, it's been great. I love it. All right. Uh so uh we'll just dive into it. Here we go. Uh hi wheeler. Um, you might be wondering why you're here. Um my name is Greg, so please have a seat. Oh, you like want to autograph or something? No, no.

Um, in fact, well, as you can see, and like lined up like on the like it's kind of like there's one chair off to the right for you that you're you're like gonna that you're walking over to sit in, and then there's this guy at a desk in the middle or like a table, and then there's like the other four planeteers, like all with their arms crossed, looking super pissed off, like super angry. And uh he's like, You see, uh Wheeler, the other planeteers and have well, they filed some formal complaints uh that I'm here to arbitrate today. So we're just going to discuss some of the matters. Uh, no need to get upset, no need to freak out.

We're just gonna talk through some of the complaints we've been getting uh about your status as a planeteer.

All right, I'm pretty calm. Let's uh hear what these fools have to say.

Okay. Well, fools is, you know, maybe not a great choice of words, uh, but we'll we'll get into that later.

Well, I'm just saying, if usually I have a problem, I'm gonna talk to someone of their face, I'm not gonna call someone. Oh, it's all right. Let's see.

I mean, they're here, you can see their face. Yeah, I can see them. So yeah, let's do this. The one person of the planeteers, though, there is uh the the love boy uh from Brazil, Mati. He's like, he actually doesn't seem like that upset. You can tell from his face.

I'm still looking on him like, hi Mati.

He's the one with the monkey, if you don't remember. Um so uh Greg or Wheeler, uh the planeteers have a few concerns. First and foremost, um, actually has to do with your power of fire. Um, as you're well aware, the carbon dioxide emissions created from your ring are one of the leading greenhouse uh gases that contribute to global warming. Um, the planeteers were initially willing to overlook this, but uh recently they see you've kind of engaged in questionable uses of your power that might be environmentally unfriendly.

Um well, you kind of need fire for Captain Planet. Like without me, there would be no Captain Planet.

Sure, sure, sure. But the thing is, using the fire for, say, lighting cigarettes or bonfires at house parties that also feature underage drinking. Um also you used it to do the pyrotechnics for the band Drowning in Blood. Okay. Um you also they've noted that you like to burn the piles of leaves so you don't need to rake them. Time saver. Um, and you started doing gender reveal parties, one of which resulted in a devastating forest fire. Just a quick way to make a book. It's just basic, and I mean that's just some of the ones we drew out, but we just feel like yes, you do need fire to summon Captain Planet, but you probably don't need it for all of the reasons we just listed.

Well, I don't understand what else I'm supposed to do with it. You know, like I saw the water person over there. Yeah, you sitting there mopping the floors with their water ring. Her name, her name's Ghee. What is it? Ghee. I know I'm part of this team, but I don't even know who yeah, we'll get to that later, too. But still, these these other guys are using their rings for dumb [expletive] too. So I'm gonna do what I want with it because that's what fire does. Me.

Yeah, it's just their rings don't pollute the entire planet, um, and really just you know lead to like a hotbox rapid acceleration.

Well, if Linka wasn't blowing those damn leaves around, we'd be in a great shape.

She just looks like even more angry at you. So alright, it's not just though, we get that like you can't, you know, it's your power. You gotta work with what you've been given, so to speak. But it's not just that. We also like ring aside, you're also just don't actually seem to be that invested in helping the I am a hundred percent invested in this.

What is this club? A group? Whatever we are, planeteers. I'm invested in that.

Yeah, it's just well, see, even right now, um, you just take like a swick of of water. Like you're drinking from uh a plastic water bottle, which we basically, you know, and and it's not like you use the same water bottle either. In fact, that pile over there is all the water bottles you've used just this week. And and that's just the tip of the iceberg, really. I mean, we we've really caught you blatantly throwing recyclables in the garbage pretty much every day.

Well, what else am I supposed to do with it? I've tried to burn it before and then everyone complains about the smell.

Like the recyclables can go in the recycling bin.

What the hell is a recycling bin?

Yeah, see, this is what we're concerned about. Like, do you even are you even aware of the mission that Captain Planet and Gaia have charged you with? Kicking ass and taking names. No, no, that's not it. We are a actually uh a peaceful organization. We have zero intention of violence or fighting. It discredits our entire uh mission.

It didn't look very peaceful when he was beating up that pig face guy. That's all I'm saying.

Something greedly.

Yeah, sure. I don't remember names or places. I'm drunk most of the time. Yeah, that's even though I'm a teenager.

So that's great. Let's move into a little bit more of that. Um, ignoring the fact, well, we we're not really done on the energy topic. See, we also noticed that you leave the lights on and you've started leasing a Hummer.

Oh well, uh the lease option's better for me financially right now. It's uh it's a fiscal choice of mine. And the light on thing is uh I'm I'm afraid of the dark, but it's alright, I control fire. So I you know what, let's not worry about that, okay? The Hummer was awesome. It gets me so much tail. Hey, Linka.

Um okay, fine. But there's still the issue that you threw a climate concert in a remote destination that resulted in 17,000 drums of fossil fuels to be burned. And that thing was banging. Yeah. Um, we're just we just don't think you're well, okay. And then the environment aside, some of these complaints are just actually straight up HR. In fact, quote, they think you're basically just a bad person, is what really makes a bad person, you know.

I think it's the the air.

Actually, I have a list here of what makes you a bad person. All right, well, let me hear it. Uh so uh Linka said you've been uh drilling holes into the wall to spy on her while she's getting changed.

It's for airflow reasons. You see, I control fire and I need certain airflow things, it's for safety.

Yeah, but why are you like staring through? She said she like literally just sees you breathing and staring. I thought I saw a spider that one time. I'm trying to save her life. Okay, sure. But then Kwame said you're culturally insensitive at best and uh more than likely an actual racist. Who said that? Kwanzaa kid?

His name is Kwame, he's the leader of the group. Oh I thought his name was Kwanzaa this whole time. Nah, man, I'm not racist. Which brings us to Giza. You mind if I smoke in here?

You just imagine you're like lighting up with the ring. Like you're like doing as many like insensitive, like environmentally and friendly things as possible. So Ghee said you asked her what it was like in quote the Orient. Uh-huh. Can you even describe what the Orient is? Yeah, there's a lot of fine silks and stuff over there. She's just like [expletive] just like shaking her head, like she's pissed. Like they're like holding her back like in the chair. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.

What are you talking? What's your problem? Like, I don't nobody judges me. They know where I'm from. America. That's me. America.

The only one who really had no complaints was Ma T. But to be honest, his best friend is a spider monkey. He's also suspected to be a raging homosexual. I could see that. Gives you a wink.

That little fella loves everybody.

Tress Wheeler, I don't know. We we don't know. This is coming from the big guy himself, but we're not sure if you're planeteer material.

Who said that? Captain?

Yeah.

That's what I call him sometimes, Captain. He never really talks to me or anything or plays catch with me or anything like that. I kind of just summon him. I mean he's busy saving the world in most. Well, so am I, you know? Like, how do you I do this for him so he'll be proud of me. I don't want to pull out my flask out of my sweet jacket. Chug in some flask. I do this for him. And nobody else can tell me what to do. Not even you, Linka.

With your Oh, you look good today. Did I tell you you look good today?

Yeah, that's these are the types of listen. We're thinking about replacing you, Wheeler.

I'm a irreplaceable. There's no way nobody's bringing me down. You need fire for Captain Planet. Okay? Fire.

Actually, it turns out the elements have literally nothing to do. Like he just shows up when he decides to, and that was just kind of a marketing gimmick. Oh. So we don't, in fact, need fire. And actually, there's a Spitfire from Sweden who we think would do great in your role. Nobody could replace me. Well, actually, uh, we've been doing some independent polling, and Greta could definitely replace you. On Which Planeteer Could We Replace poll, uh, it was about a 97% uh wheeler. Yeah, I saw that email, I ignored it. The 3% was Mati. Sorry, Mati.

Oh, that's all right, little fella. Wait a second, this is about me. Yeah. Now, no little gruda is gonna replace me, the wheel man. Alright, I run this ship. It is fire, and it is me. Yeah, you're fired. You can't fire fire. Summon Captain Planet! Like nothing happens. Damn it!

Well, this is awkward.

Um, I'm not leaving. We're gonna talk about this. Linka, look me in the eyes with those baby blues and tell me you don't want me here anymore. I don't want you here anymore. Linka!

She says in her Soviet Union accent.

You call me? It doesn't matter. I'm about freedom anyways, Linka. Seriously, none of you guys Kwanza? You don't want me here anymore?

Kwanza. He's not even gonna justify that with a response.

Jing? Get sicky. Oh, good. Yeah, that's what I say. You don't you really don't want me here?

They're all just looking. They can't even make eye contact with you.

Well, I'd like to meet my replacement face to face. Is she taking my ring?

No, she doesn't need it. Actually, Greta, will you come out here?

For this? I'm getting kicked to the curb for this.

Yes. Alright. And Greta just like is like standing there in her like jeans and like oversized sweatshirt that you know, just Swedish fashion, I guess. I don't know.

Yeah. What kind of sweatshop made that sweatshirt? You know? How many emissions were put in there for that?

How dare you! She goes on to lecture you for like 15 minutes about uh basically everything you've done that have had like a negative impact and how you're not fit to uh serve the planeteers and that you'll all be working for her one day. She threw that in as well.

Hmm.

I didn't hear a word you said. I was too busy looking at Linka wearing those jeans over there. Hey girl. Okay, well, this has been great.

So please just turn in your badge. Um you can keep the ring. We're just gonna deactivate. Uh it's it's really just it's actually not hard. It's uh just like a small mechanic. It's like a lighter. Actually, it's once it runs out of fuel, we're just not gonna reset it, like re-refuel it.

Okay. Um I lost my badge. Looks like I'll just have to hang around here for a little bit until I find it. Is that alright with everybody?

We're also taking the Hummer back. Um the Hummers paid with the actually, we're gonna take your planeteer card as well.

You're never gonna get the stank out of that Hummer. I hope you know that. It's soiled, as some would say. But guess what? You don't have fire anymore to try to heat treat it. So most of them already left the room. Alright, it looks like I'm alone again, like always. Oh, I can't believe this happened to me.

You get like a text from like on your phone, you get like the like alert noise, and it's from Captain Planet. What's it say? And it's just like we're we're through.

Not even a hello. That's a typical captain, you know. I bet he still loves me. He's playing ball with these boys because they know they need me.

He sends you a picture of him playing ball with the other planeters.

Oh no. Oh, my life's been piraling out of control. Oh, here we go.

And then you get like another text notification, and it's just like, um, you awake. Like, like whatever. I don't know. What do the kids say these days? You up, you up?

Oh, I'll be right back. Who is this? I gotta go get some use out of the Hummer. Um is it just me and the guy left? No, he left too. Oh, he left? So it's just me by myself? Yeah. Oh man. Here I am. I hope they don't shut the lights off. Then the lights gone. Oh my god.

We'll call it there. So I actually watched like through like a video, obviously, like a recap on just like the series, and uh there was like a lot of [expletive] I didn't realize about that show. Do you know the four originally the first six episodes were recorded by um Tom Cruise, and then he wanted more creative power over the show, and so they just replaced him and then they re-recorded the first six episodes with some other guy, some actor who's on Star Trek, I don't remember his name.

Do you think he's gonna make it all Scientology and stuff?

Right? I I don't I I don't know anything about Scientology. Like I know they have weird beliefs, but what are their environmental beliefs?

I have no idea. I know that uh an alien came down, somehow ended up in a volcano, spread his alien stuff all around, and we're aliens, right?

Is that that different from Captain Planet shooting rainbow lasers at his no?

I think that's the same thing, especially when he like he gathers together. Like that's the same thing I saw in the Scientology promo, except in reverse coming out of the volcano.

Yeah, it's uh some weird parallels there. Um, I don't know. So there was aside from that, there was like Meg Ryan. There were there was like a lot of actors who like um who's the guy from um goddamn it, I can't remember. Never mind, but a bunch of famous people. Uh they tended to only do a season or two and then they moved on to other projects. But like go and look sometime at like all the people who who voice acted there. Like it was it was kind of surprising. And I didn't remember any of that because we were young, we didn't know who those people were then.

Um and I know it just followed the same formula over and over again, like, oh, these people are doing something wrong. Like, let's stop them. And then I'm gonna tell you why we stopped them.

It also like got really dark, like it wasn't just about the environment, like they did episodes on like like Northern Ireland and like the war with like Ireland and stuff that they were having, and like it's just like a lot of like like like uh Linka's cousin dies in an episode, Boris. He just dies. Like there's just like a lot of like really heavy topics they cover, and like there's also I think I think Captain Planet is attributed with killing the PSA, like in cartoons, like they were like they did it so much and so over the top that like after Captain Planet nobody did PSAs anymore because they didn't take the way too much. Dang.

Yeah, he uh he well, and then going on the theme of like dark topics, so they cover that like his dad is like an alcoholic and abusive. This was a lot for like a show for kids, but yeah, it does add up. When I saw that, I was like, Yeah, that makes that makes sense. Perfect. And then and then they joked that like he was always hitting on Wheeler and or uh Linka. And so really it was like kind of like your portrayal was actually pretty spot on without even like knowing.

Remembering it's just ingrained in my head from watching it as a kid.

I'll just never forget the time he throws like a nuke into the sun. Like, there's just a time where Captain Planet shows up at the last minute, catches the nuke, but then like the trajectory is very clearly at the sun. Like he flies up in the space and throws it. Can we just talk about how OP also Captain Planet is? Like, do you tell me? Do you remember what his powers were? Not all of them.

I know he could fly. I know he had super strength. Yes. I know he could control all the elements. Yep. Because he was Captain Planet.

And that's about as far as I remember. He can also uh resist extreme heat, like being a volcano, extreme cold, like being frozen. Yep. He can also shoot, I don't remember this part at all, but like he shoots rainbow lasers out of his chest. I don't know. So like if like a missile was coming in, he would like shoot the laser.

Because I remember that in the was it Don Cheadle or whatever, the funny one where he just lay turning people into trees. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyone else want to [expletive] with you? Yeah. Everybody, if you haven't seen the Don Cheetle uh Captain Planet, you predict the funnier die piece. It's pretty funny. Yeah. But that show is pretty bonkers. Um yeah. And then of course everybody made Fun of like how useless Mati's power was of love. They tried to justify it though in later seasons that um you could actually like manipulate people like mind control. Like we there's an episode where two episodes where Wheeler goes to the future, and in that episode, Mati's kind of like washed up and like using his power to like get people to like give him money and stuff. And so basically they said Mati got the heart ring because he's the only one who was like not going to like abuse it, right?

Basically, um so or some might say use it to its full potential. Yeah, I feel like it's a very uh your son type of thing, right? Yeah, absolutely. Um, yeah, pretty, pretty wild show. Um, also, last fun fact is if I were to be like, Nate, what's the Captain Hero or Captain Planet theme song? You would like know the theme song, right? Well, did you know it changed the last season?

No, I did not.

They did it just there were six seasons, Captain Planet, and only in the last season did they change it, and it became like a really gross rap. And it was like weird, yeah. It was I was listening to it, it's really bad. Like, obviously, the song itself was cheesy, but it was like catchy, you know?

Like Captain Planet, he doesn't hero gonna bring my pollution down to zero.

Doesn't even make sense, but uh, but like whatever, like there's like a catchiness to that. But the I'll play you after the show. The the clip for season or the intro for season six is like a rap, there's like a green mouth just wrap it's the same video, but there's like a green mouth moving, and then it's wrapping it, and it was like that was like the most jarring, like uncomfortable thing.

So it was not on par with the Pokemon rap. Oh no, absolutely not because the Pokemon rap is so good. Can you rap the Pokemon rap? I can't rap the whole thing, no. Once it gets going, I can usually catch in, like jump into it, like and then maybe carry on for a little bit, but there's no way I can remember that.

No, I nothing but fond memories for the Pokemon rap. This rap was not, so I'd encourage you to go chat.

I'm gonna have to check it out. So it was really like the bad 90s style, like Captain Planet, uh, he's a man.

It was worse because it sounded like Weird Al was rapping, it was like that kind of like it was like spoofy rap. Right. And but then about environmental lyrics, it was weird. It got weird, man. I bet Greta loves it. I everybody says like that's why the show like started to like they literally thought like a lot of people just stopped.

Just because the the theme song was so bad. Maybe who knows? They could have really turned it into something, like with the whole heart power having mind control thing, they could have made it like go really dark, you know. It could have.

I I'm really I wonder if that show really created a lot of the like millennials we have today. Like, maybe that is why a lot of our generation cares so much about environmental stuff. Maybe you know, we can you and I can sit here and argue about solar panels all day or what like what is effective or what's not, but like I think our generation is more environmentally minded, like we we're more likely to shame you for using a plastic bottle over a paper or whatever.

And I wonder but basic stuff in general, like littering. Like, if I see someone litter, like I can't stand it. Yeah, I'm like, God, what an animal.

Like, I feel like we are more sensitive, and I wonder if it comes from the show that we are exposed to. Oh, maybe that's our moral compass cartoons.

That's that could be what uh I can't think of other shows that like serve that purpose, but um, be nice to small creatures, like in Pirates of Darkwater, they're mean to the monkey thing. And I was like, Why are they so mean to that guy? And now I don't want to be mean to any weird flying monkey thing.

Could be, could be. I don't remember that show at all. I played the game, I think I told you about the Super Nintendo game, but didn't uh I like that.

Had to have been around the same time period. Had to be.

Uh I know this show aired from 90 to 96 for Captain Planet. Oh, yeah. I'm like a Captain Planet expert now. Um totally useless skill or benefit there.

But you got it. But I got it. You got it.

I got it.

I mean, you remember their names. Thank goodness I was playing some racist character. Yeah, didn't have to stretch too far.

Just kidding. Just kidding. Cool. Well, it's a shorter episode today, you know? Yeah, deal with it. Deal with it. Yeah, it is what it is. We're uh so you guys might have picked up last week our six or seven or eight, however many listeners we have. It's actually more than I thought, but uh, if you were listening last week, there was some sketchy editing. Uh we are working our way towards a season two. We actually thought we were really close, but actually we're with the increase in quality, which I can actually tell you is for sure happening, comes with a lot more editing. And so I think we thought we were ready to launch a season two. We're just doing more editing.

So uh forgive us if last week's editor edit uh week episode seemed a bit abrupt. It actually had to do with just uh us changing timelines around and a little bit more editing.

So we were part where I called Brian a D-bag, and yeah, we didn't explain what it we'll explain it later.

It was a callback to a different joke, but I cut out the joke, so now it just sounded like we called our new patron a D-bag. Brian, thank you for becoming a patron. You're not a D-bag um yet. We joked that our new fans for season two will be called D-bags. Yes. But it's happening. Yeah, well, more on that later. Um as always, go ahead if you are listening to the show. If you are listening on Overcast or on I think Podcasts Addict or on Um Apple Podcasts, go ahead and leave us a review. We would love to have it. It helps our show grow like and and be shared with other people. Um, number one thing you could do is share an episode of our show um with other people.

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Um but it's really nice now. I like it.

Or we're on all other channels, we're on Spotify, we're on Google Podcasts, whatever you use, we're there. Just look for an at one. Um, and then we have social media and other stuff. Don't even worry about that. Just support us in any way you can. But reviews and sharing our content is the best way to go.

And money.

Yeah. Um, we're very excited for season two. Uh more on that eventually. Uh, but it is gonna be uh some significant changes to the show. Still that fun, witty, improv, ridiculous [expletive] that you're used to all season one, but with an actual purpose and and structure. Yeah, structure. And editing. And yes, lots, a lot, a lot, a lot of editing. But still fun, I promise. Yeah, only good stuff to come. So thanks for listening, and we'll talk to you next week. Thanks. Bye.