Roleplay for One | The Cabin

You're about to listen to the first experimental season of our show, formerly called Nat One Presents the Podcast. For better audio quality and our current ongoing DD campaign, skip ahead to season two featuring the Daft Monks.

On this episode of Nat One Presents. Well, where's our convicts?

How do we know it's the convict and not just the guy in a costume?

Uh well, it's either the hamburglar or which may or may not exist at this point in time, I don't know.

Adventure. Heartwarming stories, role-playing that could only be seen by the gods. Here at Nat OnePresents, you get all that and more. Now join us as we start another epic tale of Control.

Just kidding. This is Nat One Presents, a tabletop role-playing game podcast that takes your favorite nerdy games and pop culture icons and ruins them with improv. Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents the Podcast! We're back. We're back. All three of us. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's been a while since Chris has been here. What, like one episode? I'm not gonna refute his existence this time. Oh man. Uh welcome back, guys. Uh summer. It's [expletive] summer. How's that going? It's hot outside. Yeah. Believe it or not. It's a hot one. Hot as balls. Um yeah. So uh news for me. Um, obviously, everybody knows that I really enjoy fighting games. So my wife ordered me um a hitbox. So it's just a uh without the joystick fight stick, basically.

And uh I can't wait because it has to be custom made in all the parts due to corona and everything. That's such a nice gift. I know for Father's Day, but what else would you need after that? Nothing. But the problem is it won't be here until September, and I kind of have a problem with being patient. So I'm like, you know what, self? Treat yourself nice. You know, you've been working hard. So you're gonna buy a fill-in arcade arcade stick. Yep. I was planning on it. Does does Megan know? Yeah, I told her and she rolled her eyes at me and said, I already got you a hitbox. It's not really a hitbox, it's a uh snack box micro from uh the junk food people.

If you want to look it up, it's really nice. But she rolled her eyes at me and said, just wait for yours. And I was like, you don't know me. So in my attempt to get it and be impatient, I decided to go to GameStop and see what they have there. That was your first mistake. Yes, it was because first of all, as soon as I walked in, they jumped on me. They threw a flyer in my face, and they're like, We have deals, and I'm like, Okay, that's great, but I'm looking for an arcade stick. A what? You it's a it's a thing that you play fighting games on. Oh, we don't have those here. Okay, well, I'm just gonna look around. Okay, cool. No, but you won't find it. Right.

And then like right away, as soon as I was like, I'm looking for this thing, uh, so I'm not interested in anything else, they vanished. Yeah. Like [expletive] ninjas. I wish that worked on other people. We're not gonna make a sale, I'm out of here. But then, as uh me and my son were looking around for not having an arcade stick, they got random [expletive] [expletive] in that place. So there's like a power supply for a PC in there, a nice one, a Corsair one, but obviously overpriced a lot. Um, a bunch of the Funko pop toys. Uh oh my gosh, more than you would ever need. Oh, yeah. I think there was only like six video games in the whole place.

A bunch of accessories for um the Switch and PlayStation Xbox, and then random [expletive] like clothes. They have clothes in there, and then also Thor's Stormbringer axe. I'm like of all the things they have at a GameStop, you'd think an arcade stick would be like something that might be there, but to be laughed at and then have all this other random [expletive]. Like if I seriously went in there straight faced and was like, hey, do you have the Stormbringer axe? And they'll be like, Right this way, so we got six of them right on display. But instead, they're [expletive] behind the counter, like, can you believe this guy asked for an arcade stick? What an idiot. What does he think this is?

So that was the um last time I went to GameStop for a while, and it will probably be the last time I walked in. Next time you go, it's just gonna be like a hot topic. Like this.

That's exactly how it is now.

Kind of, like, or like um, what's the other one? The like like uh Spencer's no, probably not Spencer's. I don't know. It's like the they also sell albums at it. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, FYE. Yeah. I feel like it's gonna very quickly become if it hasn't already, like an FYE. Just like nerd clothes and weird eclectic [expletive], like a lunch box. Right. Well yeah, what they call nerd clothes, I don't know. I've bought like a pair of uh Mario socks before, that's about it.

But it's classy.

No. Oh they got me. I uh I have a GameStop story too, so I pay for the pro membership because you get a five dollar gift card every month, uh, or a five-dollar credit or whatever. Right. And so what I do, uh my husband plays a painful story, we've talked about it. I'm really embarrassed, but it is what it is. But I get him they the smallest increment is ten dollars like for the in-game currency. Oh, okay. So I pay five dollars every month for a ten dollar thing. But anyway, I have for whatever it maybe costs like twenty or some dollars for a GameStop membership, but five times twelve, sixty dollars. I go religiously every month and get them the stuff, so I make my money back. I'm not worried about it.

But anyway, so I went last month and I also had this other five dollar credit from I don't know, I don't I don't even know how, frankly, I don't spend money there. I'm not stupid enough to to buy anything full price at GameStop except those gift cards. But I uh I showed up, I grabbed the gift card. I'm like, I think I have I always remind them they have five dollar credit because sometimes they don't like mention it if you don't mention it. And they're like, actually, you have two. I'm like, oh, that's awesome. So he's like, so you want to buy a $20 for $10? And I'm like, I'll buy a $10 for zero. Like, I'm like, like, impress it, like, way to try to upsell.

And I appreciate it, but [expletive] no, I don't want to like yeah, like, and I bet that would work on some people, right? And well, and then I I pause for a second, like, oh, or do I have to put like or do I have to pay some kind of dollar value? Like, maybe I can't get something for zero. And they're like, no, I can do that. I'm like, well, give me that. [expletive]. So look at me, man. I gotta make a sale. At least ten dollars on a maple store card. Like, I know they have like goals and stuff, but I doubt it's gift cards. Like, gift cards is not, it's usually like hardware or whatever used to [expletive] there. At least six Stormbringers every month. Oh, yeah.

There is one thing I go though every month, uh, that's not that gift card for. Or no, yeah, every month. So it is the 25th anniversary of Pokemon, and GameStop gets 10, only 10 packs every month on the first Friday. And if you're in [expletive] Tucson, you go to my GameStop, I'll kill you. Don't but yeah, the first Friday of every month I go and they have it's like a booster pack, but it's giant, and it's the starters, and each month is a different set of starters, and they're doing that through most of the year for the 25th anniversary. Um, I have already missed a month or two, but my friend has been on it every month, so now I go just in case she like misses a month.

And I'm convinced this is gonna be worth a lot of money. Everybody assures me I'm [expletive] stupid, and that's not the case. Someday, but but I'm thinking like if we get the whole set, it'll be like Zodiac, it'd be great. So we'll see how it goes. So thank you, GameStop. Yeah, thanks for nothing. Waste of my time. But we're here to talk about Cthulhu. That's what we're gonna play today. It's been a minute. The last time you almost killed me with a two-hour session after my uh COVID shot. Oh, yeah. You guys were literally like Chris was just holding me up with like a stick while you were like just babbling on. I think it really helped you get in the character morning. Yeah, I felt like I wanted to die.

That's uh that's very rusty. I was definitely in the mood. So uh today it's gonna be a continuation of Harry, Rusty, and now Bruce, who joined the group, and this will be the finale of the box. Wow. Yeah, that's big news. I know there's a lot of fans out there listening right now. We're clearly not about closure or ending anything because we're on episode 33 of season one. Like I don't think we have any intention of switching seasons anytime soon. So a finale for us is big. We like to leave our options open. So who knows? It might not be a finale.

But that was big news. We should have talked about that. What do we have? Oh [expletive], yeah.

So we just hit uh uh three is like a rocky number right now because we just hit 3,000 plays, views, nightbot, nightbot troll uh counts, whatever. And also at the same time, we just hit what was it? 30 episodes. 30 episodes. Uh yeah, and I I'm not including we if you look on like our Apple, whatever, or you or any of our feeds, like we do have a trailer for a collaboration we did, so I'm not including those as part of like the can and like those count too, but we have like 30 30 of our episodes, yeah. Ours so yeah, 30 and 3,000. So I maybe we're gonna give away uh uh three one dollar uh Patreon memberships. I don't know. Yeah, think about it.

If you actually, if you're listening, check our [expletive] social media because we might actually do uh a giveaway. I'm thinking about doing something of actual value for once like either for the first time on this podcast. Three one-month memberships or just uh one three-month membership or three months. Three years of now. Something with three, yeah. Don't look at it like a dollar value, look at it like a content value. Like you're getting a lot. Be happy you got it. So sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Yeah, so this might be a finale. We might get some closure to the now. Is this the the box saga or is this just the end of Rusty and Bruce? And it's definitely going to be the end of Rusty Harry, possibly Bruce.

Okay, but the box may prevail. Right. Okay, we'll see. We'll see how things unfold. Yeah, but for sure something's gonna end tonight on this episode. Something. Something's gonna happen. It's got to, we think, on this episode.

So leave us three comments and uh get us three new Patreon people.

So uh to start us off, I have labeled this in my uh notebook of crazy scribblings, the cabin. To start us off after the retirement home, uh it was no longer safe to live there. So Rusty and Bruce packed it in and lived with Harry for a little bit. And they've been living with Harry for I'm gonna say like six months now, and it's probably getting pretty old. Yeah. Also, packed it in. Is that the right phrase? Well, I think that like I say packed it in when I like gather my things in like a fit of defeat. Okay. Pack it in, you know? I've never heard that before. My feelings, like I usually pack them in. Okay. Right? Yeah. No? Maybe I'm making it up. Maybe it's something. Let us know in a comment.

Leave a comment or something, you know. Sorry, yeah. My getting fixated on language here, my bad. Well, at least I'm not gonna say it looks like nature's overtaking it because you guys wouldn't buck me up. Oh, I was already gonna make that joke, man. Beat you to it, sucker. So after having um some discussions amongst the three of them, they've realized that Harry never really had a strong father figure growing up. And this was a moment that Rusty decided I'm gonna step up. And there's literally nothing else to do right now because I'm out of puzzles. And I'm gonna take this kid fishing. Like that's what I'm gonna do. And Bruce is tagging along. I don't know. I'm also here. Yes.

Believe it or not.

Um not smart to leave me at the uh wherever it is that he's unattended. Yes, to your own bidding. You turned into like a phoenix god and ran around like shooting [expletive] fireballs and [expletive]. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Um, so it just so happened that um Harry gained access to a cabin that's a couple hours away from the apartment, and that's where you guys will be staying. And now you guys are in the row on the in the car on the road to the cabin. Uh, the only thing that I really have to mention is you're going through the woods and you do have the latest paper, and the headline is two escaped convicts, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Wow. Uh Chip. Chip. Chip? What's the name Harry? Harry.

Didn't the same person. Yeah. I know. Sorry. Uh well, Harry. Uh, it's real kind of you to take us on this trip with my pension.

Oh, no problem, Rusty Man. I'm glad I could be here, you know. You're gonna be teaching me all kinds of things, and I'm super excited. I can't even stay on the road. I'm so excited. He's like swerving all over the car.

Oh, please.

I'm glad Bruce gets to come along too. Like, I used to have zero dads, and now I got like two dads, you know. Like, that's a big deal for me.

Yeah, yeah. I'm glad to have at least somebody who's a full-on man in this car. Me? No, I'm talking about Bruce. And I guess me. So I guess regardless.

How you doing back there, Bruce? You doing okay back there and everything? I think he's napping.

Yeah, lucky him.

We got a couple hours until we get to the lake in the cabin. So, you like want to sing some show tunes or anything?

Show tune. This is why I'm taking you on a trip, Harry. Alright, you need to be a man. You need to lift some things, grunt a little bit, learn the fish, and that's why we're here. We're gonna I'm gonna be the father you never had. He doesn't say anything, he just looks up you like tears lowing in his eyes.

You really mean it?

Yeah. Also, you have all of my money, and I have no other choice.

Well, you signed it over to me.

No, Gertrude did.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Gertie. She is a lovely lady. Spiteful woman. So uh you guys are making your way down, and then uh you branch off dark, twisty road or whatever, spooky, of course, uh, through a big canopy of trees, and you see the cabin, and it's resting up on the lake. The lake is not as nice as Harry made it seem originally. Uh, the water's a little bit murky, the cabin looks a little run down. There's also like an outhouse kind of in between the cabin, outhouse, and then there's a uh boathouse slash like bait workshop area, and then right next to that would be the pier dock, and then there's one little like dinky three-person boat, kind of just there perfectly. Seesaw. Harry, how'd you find this place? I this looks like a personal car.

This doesn't look like an Airbnb type deal. This is this is somebody's actual place.

Well, it's uh it's a weird coincidence because you were talking about going on a trip or something, and then all of a sudden, through the mail slot in the door, there was a little brochure about this cabin with a key attached to it, and it said, for your eyes only, uh nosy Susie, you should check this place out. And then so I'm like, Oh, well, let's kill two birds with one stone, or we can do an investigation on a place. Why you teach me manly stuff? It was the best thing I could come up with at the time.

Don't snore. No, that's no, that wasn't it. Oh, and also uh Bruce breaks that rule a lot, but anyway. Um listen. I forgot it was here. The rule was that postcards are the dry heave of marketing, and to never believe what they say, Harry. You sound pretty experienced with that kind of stuff. Gross.

Well, it was really nice, you know. It was a little bit worn and everything, and the cabin looked really pretty on the picture here. Look at the picture.

And he hands you the postcard thing, and this is like the nasty old letters, like welcome, like the whole flora postcard looking thing. But the cabin looks brand new in the picture and the lake's like crystal clear and everything. See, that's what I'm talking about. False advertising. You know, this was while Mari'd tell me uh I would want a refund, or you'd ask for it free, but I guess we're just gonna have to stay in this [expletive].

I think so. I think it's gonna be a great time, you know. I'm really excited to fish.

I've never even seen a fish before, I don't think. If there's ever even fish alive, look at this water. If you check the P8, nothing can live in this.

You get closer, you see like one dead fish like bubble into the water.

Oh, look, there's a fish right there.

Yeah, you're supposed to catch them alive.

Oh, okay. I'm sure there's more living ones in there.

Bruce, wake up. Bruce. Bruce, what look at this? Look, I we thought I thought we were going to some kind of nice cabin in the woods. Look at this place he brought us to. Look great. Go back to sleep. So you guys finally get all the way up to the uh cabin and get out and unpack your bags and everything, and you can have a look around or go do whatever you want to do. Um, inside the well, yeah, if you want to go in the cab, you can go in the cabin. I want to go check out the shop. Okay, the shop. Yeah.

So uh inside the bait house, you walk inside and there are ropes and poles and nets of everything, but they're also old weird mason jars filled with like different kinds of liquids and like it might have been different types of baits at some point, but it hasn't been used in quite some time, so it's probably all rancid and fermented and [expletive]. And that's pretty much all you got the gist of here. It's super dusty, nobody's been in here forever, and there is kind of an odor that you're assuming is from like the bait board. There's a big uh desk tool bench area with a couple tools on it.

It looks like they were chopping up bait over there, and there's like blood stains, and it looks like it's never been cleaned the entire time it's been used. Well, this is probably the one redeeming factor about this whole trip is that there's uh plenty of surprise just left in here. Like normally you'd have to pay for this stuff, but we got some nets, we got some uh machetes and uh a number of other tools we might need for fishing or you know, just me not murdering you.

Oh yeah. Wow, look at that. We use this stuff to fish, Rusty?

Oh well, no, not really. I mean, some of these empty jars I think had bait in it, and that's probably what would have been the most useful, uh, you know, probably uh inventory, but but still, crafty men need a shop, and the shop needs surprising is what we have, so good job on that, I guess.

Well, oh thanks. Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. If anything, you can like show me how to do man stuff inside this place. I see tools and stuff. I've never really used tools before. You could show me what this thing is.

And he's like holding up a hammer, but he's holding it from like the metal part and like the wood handles thinking of it.

Like, what's this?

Wow. I don't know where to start with that one. Um, let's start with this one. You know what? This is a shovel, Rusty. Okay, why don't you go uh check on the outhouse and make sure we it's even has it been emptied? I don't even know. It's probably could be full of [expletive]. We might be sleep, we might be digging a hole and [expletive] in the woods tonight.

Oh, good thinking. I'm gonna go check it out.

Yeah. He runs over to the outhouse and then uh you see him open up the door and then throw up and then close the door. How's it looking over there?

It's looking great. It's looking a lot like the women's restroom inside the museum we were watching. Nothing new really for me, you know.

Wow. A lot of questions, but we'll we'll just move on from there. Uh, if I've learned anything from these many years with you, I don't know how long it's been. It feels like forever. Like a whole nother lifetime. But uh, if I've learned anything, it's not to question anything you say, just to believe you at face value. So cool.

Aw, thanks, man.

Uh, Bruce, what are you doing?

Uh I figured Bruce should probably get up and start moving all the stuff into the house. Okay.

So uh while you're doing that, you bring the stuff inside, and the cabin is about the same as everything else. Uh it's definitely uh dilapidated, uh, dust everywhere. Um, you walk in, there's a center room, kind of like a living quarters area, there's two bedrooms, and then there's also like a small kitchen kind of deal inside this cabin with a wood-burning stove and everything inside there.

Uh yeah. I figured while they go off, just throw everything in the like common area. Okay, perfect.

And then uh you do notice inside the common area, there is like uh one of those mounted deer heads on the wall, and there's also a couple paintings and everything. If you don't pay too much attention to them, but you do notice right away that the wall is semi-decorated inside this cabin. Like somebody tried at some point to make this homey, it's just no longer that way. If they had spent half as much time cleaning as they did decorate, we'd probably have a an acceptable place to sleep tonight, wouldn't we, Harry?

I I think it looks great, you know, like it's gonna keep the the rain off of us because it's supposed to rain. They said later on, it's what the paper said, it's supposed to rain soon because somebody saw some clouds coming.

I they have Doppler, they didn't have Doppler in the 20s. There's some guy probably on a mountain, like it's coming! Light the beacon. Up and up a limb.

The the paper said it's probably supposed to rain all week, so. At least we got a roof over our head, you know?

Guess that's something.

Oh, what's that thing on the wall? Is that a lion, Rusty?

No, that's a deer. Have you have you do you know animals? Have you been hunting?

No, I've never been hunting either.

Yeah, no, you'd you'd probably be the prey if that were the case.

My uncle said he was gonna take me snipe hunting one time, but he just took me out to the woods and left me there. And it was really sad. I didn't I was lost for three days.

You mean the curator of the museum? Yeah, that's the guy. That guy's never hunted a day in his life. He's uh he's as straight as a crazy straw.

I believe it. He's been nothing but mean to me the entire time I've known him. And honestly.

Both retirements for the fake one where we start working together and the real one where I stopped working there.

You might have mentioned it once.

Yeah, he's a piece of [expletive].

But uh as a surprise gift for you, I I did bring, I brought you this uh puzzle book, and I also got a little something for Bruce, too.

He just hands you a jar of bait that he found in the bait area.

I can share my book with you, Bruce Dow. I'm gonna go ahead and open up that bait jar.

Oh man, make a uh what do we got? Constitution. Yeah, we got a constitution, make a constitution throw. So remind me again how this works. So you gotta uh for a call of Cthulhu with the lower the score, the better. So on our character sheets, uh they have numbers in certain areas, and our objective is to meet that number or go underneath of it. Okay. So my con is 80. Oh, perfect. And that's a 24. Yeah, you passed no problem. You smelled worse [expletive]. His own [expletive]. Carry that around with me.

Oh, you're welcome, man. I'm I'm just so glad we're all here. What time do you think? Do we need to get settled first? Or are you ready to go fishing? Or what are we gonna do? Like, I'm just I'm ready to go, you know.

What time is it that we got there? Well, I'm gonna say you got there like probably like late afternoon. Yeah. Oh, it's too late for now for the game of fishing. It's played uh early in the morning. The game of fishing. I have fish for her, guys.

It is well that makes sense to me. I've never heard it put any other way, so yeah, we're gonna play fish.

Like go fish. The point being you have to get up early. So it's gonna be an early night in, okay? So let's we can have a little bit of fun today. We can maybe uh I I would have said swimming, but um probably not.

I'll go give it a shot. Yeah, hold on, I'll go get my swimsuit on.

And he runs into the one of the bedrooms. Oh, but it's a hazmat suit, Bruce. Am I right? Uh within like a couple seconds, he comes right back out and he's got one of those old-timey one-piece striped swimsuits on with the uh hairnet or the hair cap on.

I'm ready. You guys coming in with me?

Oh wow, you look like one of those synchronized swimming women.

Well, I feel good.

Yeah, you don't look good. I'm glad you feel good.

Alright, well, I'm gonna go run out to the water. You know, watching me, Musty?

I'm a little concerned, honestly. Yeah, I'm sure you should be doing this.

Yeah, be fine. The brochure said it's swimming's great here.

Yeah, it also said it also had a picture of a brand new cabin. But alright, all right, let's go. What are you gonna do, Bruce? Yeah, I'm gonna go out with it. Okay. I can't miss this. So you guys walk out to like the little porch opening area, a stoop, wherever you're from, whatever you want to call it. Um you guys can stay up there. Harry runs straight to the water and jumps in and oh man, it smells bad in here.

Is it supposed to smell like this? I've never swam in a lake before.

No, it's not. It's water. It's literally supposed to feel like water and smell like water.

It doesn't even feel like water, really. It feels like dirty. Like my my feet are all icky on something.

Let me see. Uh I'm gonna like put my hand in and just like it's just nasty green. Okay, pond scum. It's like pond scum, but it's not like sewage. Like, there's not like a sewage line that broke into this water.

There's some bear across the lake to take a big old dump to the water.

Mom said he was going out for a pack of smokes and he never came back.

Yeah, I believe that. Uh oh, anyway, listen. Yeah, uh, the thing about nature is uh it hurts you. Like, nature's not meant to be all cuddly like there. Look over there. That's got thorns, the water, it's got toxins, you know. Nature. Yeah. It's like the nature's trying to take its take its palm back. Well, I don't know if I'm a big fan of this nature. I think it's a little icky. Nah, it puts hair on your chest, boy.

Alright.

I guess so.

Not literally hair. I think you might take that the wrong way, but I mean it will make you tougher, is where you get out when like one little hair pops out on it.

Look! It really worked, Rusty. I'm a man now.

Just like reaches over and like plucks it.

Aww. Well, I'm gonna go get changed out of this suit because it smells bad. I guess whatever you guys want to do here from here, and I'll be right back, okay? I'm gonna go get changed, and he runs back inside the cabin.

I'd like to uh investigate like further around like what what else is around this area. Maybe not uh as obvious as like the the outhouse or the cabin. Okay, um, there is the the pier over there. Um let's see. You only see the one dead fish. Um, blah blah blah. The rest of that's for when you actually go fishing. So that's about it right now. So you can either walk, check out the pier, or you can just walk along the shoreline and see whatever you want to see. I'm gonna remember that news article that I had in the car and I'm gonna like pull it out. Any other information on there aside from two convicts?

No, they uh are within the area, but really like however many counties in this area have probably posted that headline because it's the only news available right now, and like that's a big deal. They're like, ooh, convict's dangerous, let's scare people. And is the weather below it? Uh it just has little pictures of rain clouds. Um but there is a half-finished puzzle on the back. But you already knew that. Oh, I solved it in my head. Oh, the crossword puzzle. Who am I talking to?

I don't know.

Um, you're walking along, and give me um both of you, just a spot hidden check, I guess. We can go for that. Oh, really good. 0-5. Oh damn.

Mine's a 58, and my spot hidden is uh 60, so yeah, also a pass.

Okay, yeah, both pass. But yours is a super pass. So both of you notice right away that there doesn't seem to be a lot of animals uh encompassing around this lake like should be. Uh any uh body of water is gonna have something nearby. And then you notice specifically uh Rusty that that doesn't sound like anything either. Like it's really quiet on this lake. The only thing you can really hear is probably like the wind blowing through the tops of the trees, and like that's about it.

You don't hear any like ooh, kaka, kaka, googy, googie coming stuff.

Yeah, Bruce, this is really serene. I mean, I I like being out in the middle of nowhere, but usually you're never alone, truly, out in the middle of nowhere. There's still animals and stuff. What do you think of this? I'm here. You're not alone. Valid point. Well, guess we're good to go, then a funny feeling, never mind. I mean, hey, why would I be afraid that guy can shoot fire out of his hands? That's true, that's true. He's like the human torch, but significantly older. Um I don't remember. I'm sure somebody lost something. Um after that discussion that you guys have, uh Harry comes running back.

Oh, don't worry, guys, I got all changed out. I don't smell as bad anymore. There's no shower or anything in there, so I'm gonna smell slightly like the the the the the the water for a little bit, but I'll be okay, you know.

And he's uh running towards you, and then all of a sudden he's like, ah! And then he grabs the bottom of his foot and just falls over. What's going on over there?

I stepped on something.

Yeah, what'd you step on?

Something sharp? I don't know. I didn't look at it, I just my foot.

Well, there's rocks and stuff, we're in nature, Harry. Oh, let me let me look. And he looks down at the bottom of his foot, and then there's a piece of like weird black obsidian kind of jag. It almost looks kind of like an arrowhead, like it was shaped, but not really. And it's just stuck in the bottom of his foot. There's a little bit of blood coming out and everything. What do you want me to do about Harry? You're a man now, right? I normally I would have cradled you in my arms, I would have caressed your hair. I missed that. I would have taken it out, I would have disinfected the food, I would have covered it in a bandage. But here today, this time, I want you to solve your own problems.

I'm not always gonna be here, Harry. There might be a day that comes where I, Rusty, am not on this world anymore, and it will be a darker place, but what are we talking about?

Um, Bruce, do you want to look at this?

And he like holds up his uh bloody foot at you. I'm just gonna pull it out.

Oh, thanks, man. That feels way better. I'm gonna go clean it off in that water.

He runs over there and things like that. Oh no, no.

Swishing it around in the water and everything. That it doesn't really feel better. It's just kind of tingly.

Yeah, it's uh the tingles are good. Hope you don't need that foot. Bruce, there, let me see that there. I work at a museum. Uh I might know a little bit more about it. Can I do a uh I don't know, what would you say? Uh give me like a just a basic education or knowledge check. Just a basic, basic. It is a 65 with which with my education. It's good, it passes. Okay. Uh it does look like uh an arrowhead for this area, but there are also different sigils markings carved on it that don't look like they belong to any kind of Native American tribe. Obviously, I mean you probably encountered arrowheads out in the wild before, but these markings are normal, not like anything I uh would see at the museum.

Uh, can I roll for a cult?

Yes, if I can stand any of it. Yep. You spooky [expletive]. Uh it's a pass. Alright. You do notice that uh there are uh two markings on it. One of them you have seen before, and the other that you haven't. The one that you have seen is that uh sigil for Haster.

Oh yeah, that's that name that I forgot before.

Uh yeah, I'll convey that. I know one, I don't know the other. Hmm. I thought we got long far away from that, that whole situation.

I thought so too until about a week ago after I got the the postcard at the door. I've been having weird dreams ever since I got it, you know?

We talked about this how you gotta tell me about these things. Last time you signed me up for a retirement home, that was gonna trap my soul.

I just didn't want to bug you, you know.

You want me to turn up like nosy Susan?

Rest of the side. Definitely not. Definitely not. Uh also a side note, I forgot to mention in the newspaper there was an obituary for nosy susie.

I also imagine that she owned like the travel company that uh sent the postcard, yeah.

Yeah, there was uh she did die shortly after she sent that uh postcard.

In her uh picture on the newspaper, it's her holding a glass up to her ear.

The only picture anyone has of her with a notepad in the other hands.

So you've been having dreams and you found an arrowhead that has [expletive] markings of that guy, Hasner, that has been tormenting us. I think pack it up, let's go.

No, it could be a coincidence. I think we really need to try to have this vacation because you're getting to an age where I don't know if you're gonna be sticking around for much longer and you gotta teach me man stuff because I need to be a man.

That's true. But I don't want to die, and I know how this [expletive] goes. I'm gonna get in the car and try and sit in it. Do I do I uh who has the keys?

Uh Harry's got the keys.

I'm gonna I don't know. I'm gonna try to like drive away.

Okay, give you a hot wire the key.

You're either with me or I can come back in the morning, but I'm not staying late.

You get out of that car, Rusty.

You know how this goes.

You get out of the car, I'm gonna do it. He pulls out the keys out of his pocket, like, I'll throw them in the lake.

Don't you dare.

I'll do it!

Don't, I swear.

I've done dumber things.

Alright, calm down. Alright. This is fine. This is fine.

You get out of here.

Alright.

Alright, that was a close one.

Oh, I got a and he's I've got a crab in my shoulder. He launches the keys. No, Harry got damn into the middle of the lake.

Go get it. I'm like grabbing Harry, like trying to like push the water. I don't want to go in there.

The water's icky. Maybe we can find it when we fish tomorrow. You think? How hard can it be? How deep could this lake be?

Well, let's see. Did the keys bite at the bait or the hook on the fishing rod? Harry, you would know that you've never been fishing. In the game of fishing, it's a two-way game. Takes equal opposite. I don't know. No, the answer's no, Harry.

Fish will be fish.

Whatever.

I we might be, I think we'll be able to find it. If not.

I'm gonna storm off and slam and go in the cabin instantly.

Man, Bruce, can you believe this guy?

No.

Yeah, I know. Me neither. I just was hoping to become a man out here and everything. And my uncle said to become a man, you need a woman to be involved with that, and that didn't make any sense to me. How would I become a man with a lady involved, you know, Bruce?

I figure that while he is like ranting about that, I've already started walking back to the cabin.

Oh, Bruce, you always know what to say. You're right, Bruce. It's time I man up and just do things on my own. Tomorrow morning we're gonna hit it hard. I'm gonna catch a fish. I'm gonna find those keys, and I'm gonna show Rusty that I'm a real man.

I've turned all the lights off in the cabin.

Alright, I'll meet you guys and I'm just gonna walk the perimeter and make sure it's safe because that's what men do.

Bruce, can you leave this [expletive]? I cannot. We're gonna die here. We're gonna die. This is it. You know, and I just I thought it was gonna happen at the retirement home, but it's gonna be here. I I just I got a bad feeling, Bruce. That happens eventually. You know, you know just what to say. I feel better already. Um so you hear some uh rumbling in the car, and Harry's out there getting a lantern so he can go walk the perimeter because it's starting to get dark out. And that's what men do, they walk the perimeter. And uh, as you get settled, there are uh like two couches inside the living room. Uh the kitchen is supplied just for like cooking utensils and everything. There's no food or anything like that.

And then there are the two bedrooms with two beds as far as furniture goes, and also in the living room area, there is a uh old-timey looking radio kind of stationed right there, kind of in the center, off by the fireplace. Alright, uh, get in here. It's gonna be alright. There's a radio here. I think I can call. Have someone pick us up. Not my late wife, Gertrude, who put us in this predicament indirectly, but just come on in.

She was a lovely lady.

Yeah, she was. Until she wasn't. Listen, get in here and I'm gonna call. We're gonna find somebody. I'm not mad at you. Okay, I'm sorry I got upset.

Alright, that's a little bit better, but my feelings aren't hurt because men's feelings don't get hurt. It's scientifically proven. It's the 1920s.

Yes, I did read that in the newspaper in the latest. But also, Harry, men don't have feelings at all. Good men don't feel.

I think we read the same article.

Yeah.

It's also like how to be a man is like got the guy with the big old burly mustache, like the handlebar mustache with the big circular wings. Written by Buford.

Alright, I'm coming inside. I'm done with the perimeter check, anyways. What's going on in here? It's the first time I've been in here besides changing my clothes, and I was in and out. I had no idea what was going on.

I'd like to roll. I'm gonna just ignore the question, and I'm gonna roll uh mechanical um I'm gonna say repair just to like try to use the radios.

Okay, yeah, that's fine.

Ooh, 11. I'm rolling well tonight. Dang. Uh yeah, that's uh oh, it's not it's a pass. I'm gonna say uh because you do have military service, right? Both of you are ex-military. Yeah. Uh I'm gonna say you are familiar with the use of this radio. And yeah, everything seems to be in working order for it.

Okay.

Uh he trash it. Uh do copy anyone out there. Uh this is Ranger Station 79. What goes on out there? What goes on? I didn't know what else to say. Listen, we are at uh uh actually, Harry, where are we? This is cabin number one. We are at cabin number one. Uh you know the one with like the the the lack of complete natural presence of animals, the dirty water, and I got an old run-down cabin. 10-4. I do copy that. I thought that place was closed down because the water was so contaminated. It's nice to hear another voice. I've been stuck at this ranger station for a couple months now. God damn, you hear that. The water's contaminated. Why don't you check it?

Next time drive out, do a pH test, come back, let me know. Don't drag me out for no reason. Uh, do you copy it? Uh, we need uh an uh an evacuation. Uh yeah. I do copy that, but it's gonna be some time before somebody gets out there. My relieving ranger has yet to been here to notify me whether he's coming or not, and it's been six days he was supposed to be here. I've been waiting and I'm running out of food. I might come meet you somewhere, because there are nasty convicts out on the loose if you haven't heard. Yeah, I read the paper. I'd I'm just assuming everything's gonna go [expletive] soon.

Uh, I'm gonna need you to stop relieving the ranger and uh do get somebody or somebody else you can call to come out here. We're we're we're two elderly men, and then whatever Hara constitutes as. I think I'm a man! Uh we have uh my young granddaughter here as well.

Real man.

I understand and copy. Uh I'll go ahead and pack up things here and I'll start heading your direction. It's gonna be about an hour before I can get down there. The Ranger station's quite a ways away from you. Thanks. What was your name again? Ranger One. Uh no, uh Ranger um Jared. Ranger Jared. Thank you so much, Ranger Jared. You are uh my you are a lifesaver. Uh no problem. And just to verify, you said there are children there, correct? Yes, uh one. Uh yeah, my yeah. Say no further. I'm on my way. Ranger one station over and out. Jared clip. So I got good news and I got bad news, guys.

Well, what is it? Tell me. I all I heard was the I didn't really understand what was going on.

Well, the good news is Ranger Jared will be here in an hour.

He sounds like a lovely fella. I can't wait to meet him.

Yeah, the bad news is he's not a Ranger.

You don't think so? Why not?

100%. That's absolutely not. Wrong frequency, wrong tone, wrong guy.

Radio's not even on.

Well, I don't know. I think I believe him. You know, he sounded real nice and everything. And usually the things that happen weird to us, you know, they take some time before it happens.

Those just happen right away, like within the first 42 minutes of an episode, you know. Yeah, uh, I hear you loud and clear. We're now uh let's just wait. And uh if he's not here in the next hour, which might be for the best, actually. Uh let's call it early night. Pray we live through the night and try to fish out those keys in the morning.

All right. I like that idea a lot. What do you think about it, Bruce?

I'm already asleep on the couch.

All right, that Bruce. He's got the right idea. Yeah. All right. Uh, I guess I'll sleep in the other bedroom if you well, I'm a man now. I should probably sleep by myself, Russell. You can share the bedroom. No, thanks, man.

And then uh you guys go get packed in, I guess. And uh I'm gonna say a couple hours goes by, and then you finally hear like a car pull up outside. Uh like we we actually hear it, all of us. Well, actually, just roll me a listen then. Because I have bad hearing. We established that in the last session. Dang, you're on fire tonight. I'm on fire. Um, so yeah, everybody in uh the cabin hears because there's no sound anyways outside, so it's pretty noticeable. You hear uh some kind of vehicle. Pull up in the driveway of the cabin. Alright, listen, guys. So on one hand, this could be great. On the other hand, this could be terrible because I don't trust whoever this Ranger Jarrett is.

So, uh, Harry, you start packing up the bags. Okay. Bruce, just be ready with those fire hands. You know what I'm talking about. I'm going to go out, see how this guy's doing, if he gives me any weirdo vibes, and I guarantee you he will. I'm going to hit him over the head with this rock and we're going to take his car. We're going to get the [expletive] out of here.

Alright, I follow you.

Alright. Alright, repeat, Harry, your job in this plan. I am going to pack the bags. Yeah, pack it all in. And then I'm going to yell at Ranger Jared to get out of here.

It's not safe. He's got a rock, and I gotta be taught to fish and become a man, and you can't interfere with that.

Okay, yeah, that's exactly what you're gonna do. I want you to count to 40 before you do that. Okay, I can do that. He's gonna run outside and try to preempt before he do anything.

Okay. Uh Bruce, what do you do?

Uh I'm going to hear those instructions and I'm going to run up to the window and bash out one of the windows with the gun. And I just crouched out with the gun sticking out the window.

There is not a single subtle person in this group. And I say that really loudly too.

So Rusty, you run outside and there's nothing there. It's your car that you brought, and the doors are all opened and everything, and that's about it.

Guys, false alarm. Fake Ranger Jared isn't here. Somebody was just raffling through our truck. What did we drive? It was like a car. Was it a car? Oh well, it's uh probably very suspicious. Uh as all three of you were asleep. I don't suppose you were rummaging through the car and then left the doors open and then came back into bed, Harry.

I left a half-eaten sandwich in the car. You think that had anything to do with it or anything?

Well, if there was bears or any kind of nature hair, yes, except no, there isn't. So uh let's go check that creepy shed.

Okay.

Uh no, not you, Harry. I'm I'm really talking more to Bruce.

Okay, I'll I'll sit put then inside the creepy place where we heard a car and there's no car. You just make it up right through that, my friend. Okay. I'm not intelligent. Thanks for reminding me, Rusty.

So you guys are gonna go check out the uh I'm gonna try to back up and like jump through an action roll through the window. On high alert.

Yeah, roll for you. Well you have to roll. So you'll you'll you'll be fine, yeah. Uh 18. No, he was not. You totally passed. You rolled through it, no problem. The glass goes all around you. You don't even get one minute. I can't have a [expletive] sentient conversation with you the next year or doing a barrel roll through the door. I don't understand you for one minute, bros. You actually land so good with that roll that your joints feel better.

So you're a little jealous, but that's all right. Rusty kind of hobbles down the steps of the cabin.

So you guys are heading to the bait shop? Yeah. Or yeah, the the bait house, I guess. Um go ahead and give me a spot hidden. I'm just gonna assume you have a lantern and stuff. No, I can't see.

You just went in the dark.

Yeah. Okay. I also can't see. Okay, you guys made your way out there and there's no light. Uh Harry, what'd you do with that? Uh, you have that lantern or whatever.

Oh, I it's still in the trunk of the car. It might still be lit, though. I don't know if I shut it off. I was in a in a rush to talk to you because I get excited every time you say my name.

Lanterns back then were like literally on fire, right? Yeah. Yeah. You open up the trunk and it's still lit and it still has fuel on it, but it's really [expletive] hot around the base, so you just gotta grab the handle. Oh, here. Well, uh I guess better than having to light it in the dark or something. Here, uh, you hold the lantern here.

I can come with this time?

Yeah.

Oh, thanks, man. I'm super excited. Let's go.

On your uh both of you give me a listen check.

Uh that's a fail. What uh I can spend points to make it a pass, right?

You can spend, so everyone at home, you can spend your luck points, which is another stat that you are given to get that number down, or you can push your roll, which means you just do a straight re-roll. But the only problem with a push is bad things can happen to you at my discretion, uh, depending if you pass or fail or not. I pass, but just barely. I heard something. Okay. And I'll spend the one point to make mine a pass. Okay, perfect. Um, you hear something knock against the boat that was at the dock, and then kind of like a splash sound in the water.

What was that?

Something about the water. Can you uh hold up the lantern in that direction? Uh Harry holds up the lantern to the little pier dock thing, and the boat's gone. Yep, nothing suspicious about that.

And then while he's still holding it, like one oar bubbles up to the surface and floating right there.

There used to be something there, I don't remember.

Yeah, sure it was. Probably our own last redemption and not being murdered tonight.

You think so? It's a real lovely night out. There's a full moon with kind of a red hint of hue to it, you know? It's really nice. Like I feel really manly out here in the wilderness like this, you know? You know what I'm saying?

Oh, I'm glad you're enjoying the blood moon because it might be the last thing we ever see.

Oh, is that what you call it?

That's what I'm calling it tonight. Oh, anytime my mom saw it, she would always say it's the case of the monthlies moon, and I didn't know really what that meant, you know? Hmm. Yeah, that's for men.

Oh, okay. I'll learn someday.

Yeah, maybe in the morning if we don't get murdered. You make your way back to the uh boathouse now that you have your lights, so go ahead and give me another spot hidden roll.

Uh I it's a fail. A fail? Mine's a pass. A pass, sweet.

Uh you notice, what did I write here?

Oh. Uh you didn't see it earlier in the day, but now that there's lantern light inside this boathouse, there is like kind of hatch that opens up. Uh that's in the floorboards, basically. And you guys can open that up if you want to open that up and investigate. Yeah, by all means, let's uh open the hatch to the spooky uh underground basement path. Alright, yep. Bruce, we got your weapon ready. Mm-hmm. Alright, great. We're gonna need that.

Uh both of you give me uh just a uh sanity roll.

Uh I think mine's a pass. Because it's just your current sanity, yeah? Yes, yeah, mine's a pass.

Just a D4. M L S4 sanity. Okay. I'm [expletive] spooked. Uh since you you're fine, but then you hear like slight whispering like from behind your ear. Just it's you can't really comprehend what it is, but it almost sounds like Harry's in your ear, like, hey, how you call him? Are you scared?

I'm scared too.

It's not anything like mystical or anything like that. It's just Harry. I told you, keep the lantern lit at all times. And I turn around behind me to Yeah, there's nothing there. He's actually in front of you. Oh, nothing suspicious about that.

You guys uh pop open. Hey, no, hold on.

Listen. I'm just gonna preempt this. Listen, you're gonna murder me. If you're hiding in this shack, just do it already. Alright. The first time I gave it a fighting chance. The second time, psh it was just your spite and I wasn't gonna die in a retirement home. But this time, I don't have anything left to gear. So if you want to just prematurely just stab me through the chest, by all means, nothing happens. God damn it, open the hatch. As you know, when you open the hatch, um, now you can start hearing wind howling outside, tree rattling up against one of the windows of the boathouse. And you look down, and it's just a staircase that leads straight down. The walls are dripping a little bit from the water from the the lake house.

But it almost looks uh familiar to you guys. Uh roll uh, what would it be? Not education. What's your like intelligence? What's the no? Is that education? Just to know. K-N-O-W. Yeah, I think it's education. Okay, yeah, roll education roll for me and see what you guys get. Well, that's good.

Yeah, passed.

Yeah, I very passed. Yeah, I got two. Duper pass. So uh both of you guys remember this looks exactly like the dream that you guys shared at the old folks' retirement home, where it was inside of like a cave type dwelling and the staircase went down, and it resembles that a hundred percent from what you guys remember from your dream. Okay, so Harry, in case uh you needed another clue of why we're definitely gonna get murdered tonight, uh, back when Bruce and I were at the retirement home before we called you, we had a dream our first night there, and uh, yep, looks just like this, and then all hell broke loose within another couple hours.

Oh, that doesn't mean anything, Rusty. I have dreams about stop signs all the time, and I see a stop sign that looks exactly like a stop sign in my dream, and nothing bad ever happens.

Except something bad does happen to me. Okay. Anyway, whatever, let's go. Listen, uh, Bruce, this is maybe our chance. Preempt this, kill them in its own dream, some kind of Freddy Cougar [expletive]. Let's do this. Bruce, yeah. You just nod in approval? Yes. Okay, Bruce nods in approval. Um so you guys uh manage to make your way down the steps, and it turns a little bit, and it's just one square open room. And inside this room there is a black altar in the center of the room, and there is a book closed uh in a yellow binding uh on top of this pillar in the basement area of the boathouse. Okay, well, Harry, I'm not sure you can read.

So uh Absolutely not!

And Bruce is the only one I trust to not let us get killed with his defense uh abilities, so I will read the spooky book of death.

Okay, that sounds good to me.

Uh, I'm gonna go and uh I guess can I like investigate it first before? Um you can do spot hidden, yeah. Whatever you want on it. Let's fail. A fail? Yeah, it just looks like a book on an altar. Nothing. Alright, yeah, no. Uh well, let's crack this baby open. Alright, okay. As you go to open it, you grab it and give me a constitution roll. No, I fail. Fail. Uh you go to open up the book, and one of the pages slices your fingertip a little bit, and then all blood spills on the page. And then you open the book.

Uh there is the sigil of Haster, and then now that the that you have opened it all the way, it begins to glow like a weird green color, and you hear something outside, and that's pretty much all that happens when you open the book. Okay, well, firstly, paper cut was the last thing I expected to happen, so that's probably a best case scenario right there. Are you okay? It looks pretty vicious. Let's count our wins where we can here first. Secondly, uh, Bruce, I'm gonna need you to light this thing on fire with your fire hands right now. I don't remember how the gas smells. I don't either. I think the lantern do this myself.

You're gonna smash the lantern on the you go and smash the lantern, and uh fire goes all along the inside of the book and then it turns blue and then begins to sizzle and then turns yellow and then flats out. Now the only thing that you have for light inside this basement area is the glowing sigil that was once green and is now glowing a bright yellow color. From the book? Yes, from the book. Um it's enough like uh when you see movies or whatever, like how they have glowing mushrooms and [expletive] inside caves, it looks like that kind of deal. Or glow stick, I guess. Boy, I feel a little silly.

Uh these things happen. I was ready to punch it if that makes you feel interesting.

I haven't been that confident since I peed on that wall and thought I solved a puzzle. Um, I guess I'm just gonna open this book and point it in a direction like some kind of archaic flashlight. Okay, and then uh as soon as you move the book, the uh the noise from outside grows louder. It almost sounds like a a swirling water sound. Like you're flushing the toilet, but not that intense. Okay, well, uh purely based on the fact that there are no toilets here. Um hope you're all ready to dance, as they'd say. Uh Bruce, you go first, Harry in the middle, and me uh I'm in the back.

Well, I can't see anything. Who's holding the book?

Oh [expletive], okay. Uh I'm in the front, Harry, you're in the middle, Bruce, you're in the back.

Alright. Bruce, you ready?

Oh, so you guys uh come out of the subterranean uh basement area, and then uh you look out towards the lake, and it's now completely drained. Uh there are stone steps that are uh exactly at the pier, and they go straight down, and there is a large stone archway at the bottom of what the the lake should have been, with two giant doors with now glowing yellow sigils on them. A few things, Harry.

Uh-huh.

For one, uh, this is not how you fish. Okay. The water does not just drain out of the [expletive] pond.

Yeah, and the only fish I see is still that dead one over there.

Yeah, that was the second. Was that somehow you brought us to the owner pond, but not a single fish. Well, one single dead fish. So hats off to you on that. Honestly, I couldn't have done that if I tried, Harry. So I did good? Well, let's go to the spooky altar of death. But listen, if someone has to be sacrificed, Harry, it's gonna be you.

That's fine. I accept that. I just want you to live the best life you can, Rusty. I just want to die.

Honestly. Uh before we do that, I'm gonna go for like the Hail Mary thing and see if I can find the car keys that were in the lake. I'm guessing they're not there at all.

Uh shout out right now. If you roll under a four, you can get them. That's uh nope, that's sorry, that's a 98. It's a 98. So that's like being under a four. It's close. The opposite. The dead fish ate it. No, you don't uh spot anything. Because the moonlight's not that bright, because it's that red button. Well, I tried. Well, two options. We can go around, feeling the ground blindly, and hope we come across keys. Or we could just, if I've learned anything, it's to do exactly what they want us to do because it'll make it go a little quicker and we still might make it out of us alive.

Almost like a train on a railway. It's got the one direction. Well, my favorite band in the future. All right, let's head toward the large glowing doors, I guess. Are you going to go first, Rusty?

Yeah, I I don't care anymore.

Alright, you're such a strong man. I can hope I can like it.

This is what being a man is about. It's about giving up, it's about being defeated, and it's about pretending not to feel anything, even though you're about to [expletive] your pants. Am I right, Bruce? Roll a dexterity for me. Uh that's a 97.

Well, you're talking mad [expletive]. You slip on the stone steps and fall down a couple of and land in the muddy bottom of the lake.

Bruce, did he mean to do that?

Uh in solidarity, solidarity, I'll also slip down the steps.

Um both of you take uh 1d4 damage, bucket.

You're a good man when in Rome!

He takes some [expletive] damage as well. [expletive] it.

So now uh you guys are all covered in mud and uh look up from the sloppy water, and uh you're not too far away from the middle of the lake towards the uh large stone doors slash archway looking thing. Bet they didn't see that coming off.

I guarantee it. I thought you slipped at first. I didn't know that's what you're supposed to do in a situation like this until Bruce really drove it home.

It's like camo. We didn't have to apply the camo, I just did it while I rolled my face around the ground.

Oh, like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Predator that hasn't come out yet.

Just like whatever that is.

Yeah, okay.

Sometimes I get glimpses of the future because I forget what ear we're in. Um so you guys, uh now you're a big muddy mess, you start walking towards the uh large stone archway doors, and as you approach, yeah, you hear them moaning and groaning and creaking open. And then they open up towards you. And inside, it almost looks like uh it's just a hallway now. It opens up, and what shouldn't you should be able just to see the other side of the lake? It's a hallway lined with torches that go straight down, and then it eventually gets so black in the back of it you can't really make out how much further you need to go. Did the doors clyde behind us? Close behind us? Uh when you walk in? Yeah.

Uh no, they stay open. Great. I'm gonna grab one of those torches, head back outside, look for the keys. Uh give me a uh uh spot hidden 87. No, I can't find the keys anywhere. It's not looking good. It was a real shot, alright. Suddenly a gust of uh wind starts coming out from the doors. And then uh blows out my torch. Give me a uh listen check. Nope, nothing. You go ahead and give me a listen check, Bruce.

Uh 46, which I think is a pass. Yeah.

Yep. Okay, you you hear uh a woman's voice uh saying uh Rusty come home to me. We've already been over this on numerous episodes. I'm not gonna do a lady's voice. You hear a lady's voice saying uh Rusty, come home to me.

Uh Rusty. Someone's asking for you.

I thought you were gonna say Rusty, come home to me.

You were just gonna repeat it.

Uh can you uh ask who's calling? No. Okay. Which way? Uh straight down the hallway from how you Yeah, of course, the only way. Yeah.

Um what's that mean? The only way? We can we can just leave. We can hoof it, you know. If you want to just hit the path and just walk away, we don't have to keep going on this crazy adventure that some random postcard fell into the mail slot, and now we're here, and you I don't want you to die, Rusty.

Harry, I'm not gonna die. As much as I [expletive] and moan, I didn't come all this way to die here. Too spiteful, too spiteful, exactly. Bruce gets it. All right, we're gonna get through this per usual with my attitude and your just can do positivity. And whatever the [expletive] Bruce brings to the table at back on. He like fires it in the air, whatever he brings to the table.

Boom!

All right, so let's get this together. All right. This is what being a man is. I was kidding earlier. It's not about not failing, it's not about learning to fish, it's about owning up to what challenges lie before you and facing them head on. That is what being a man is about. Let's do this. Today you become a man. Give me another dexterity roll. It's a it's a five. It's a zero five.

Um, as you're monologuing, water's dripping off of you from the mud and [expletive], and you slip a little bit, but you catch yourself.

All right, let's go.

So uh you take uh you go a little ways past the torch that you took, and as you look behind you and glance behind you, you notice that now the distance has changed.

Like just from those couple little steps, it now seems that the door behind you is now the super long extended distance, and the path in front of you is now shortened quite a bit. We've reached a point on our turn, boys. And then um as you look up ahead, torches light up as you get closer and closer, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, and then now they circle around this room all around you in a circle around you. Um inside the center of this room there is a throne-looking thing. Kind of weird looking. It's definitely a chair of some kind, and sitting inside of it is a statue, but you can't really see it because it is cloaked in a yellow, fine silk cloth looking thing.

So do I know it's a statue or does it actually look like someone sitting in there? Um, it could look like someone's actually sitting there. Okay, I'm gonna go with that. Hasner, I presume. Nothing. How is it worth a shot? Uh who are you talking to? Well, clearly somebody sitting on the what do you think's sitting on the throne over there?

I just thought it was someone drying their sheet.

And this mausoleum at the bottom of it.

My sheets are that color every morning when I wake up, you know.

Uh shoot it. I'm not gonna say none of that.

Okay, so you gotta shoot it?

Yeah, give me the firewall. Arms check.

Holy [expletive].

That's a one. Oh my god. You have to check. He was ready to go. He was like he was waiting for. He said shh.

Holy [expletive]. Uh, with that shot, you managed to hit the statue bullseye, but I'm perfect.

And the cloth even flies off. And it's just a silhouette of a man looking thing, but the face has been completely smoothed over, and now the cloth kind of floats with its new bullet hole in it. But the statue seems unscathed from your shot. Rats. Okay. I'd like to uh spot hidden around the room. Okay, roll for it. Both of you can roll for it if you want. Nope, I fail. Okay. Holy sneaky. That's a zero. Dang. Which is a hundred or a true zero? No, it's uh wait, what did we decide on? I think that's a hundred. I think it counts as a hundred. So that was as bad as it gets. Yep. Yep, that's the worst. Okay. So you guys know I got a one and a hundred. One roll after the other.

Statistically speaking, this is crazy. Impossible. Um, there's really nothing that you guys can spot hidden. You can uh walk around the room and I'll give you another crack at it, or I'll just [expletive] tell you because whatever. Uh I'd like to put on the sheet.

Okay.

Uh give me a constitution roll. I'm gonna cut my finger again. Nah, I fail. Fail? Okay. Uh you put it on you, and that's all you notice for right now.

Okay.

What do I look like, Harry? I got this book and this like stupid rub around me.

Wow, you look like a guy in that statue over there.

And then you notice uh the statue is now stood up from its chair. But now it's just stamped. Doesn't look different to you, Harry. Bruce.

I don't notice he's like standing next to you now, like arm on his hip.

Um you hear noises now that the statue have stood up, and like weird rectangular slots open up, and you can hear the stone moving on the sides all the way around you, and at least six different slots, and then uh stone pillars start pushing out towards you, and the lights behind you you notice start poofing away, and it's like darkness growing towards you, just to the center room, and and now the like the only lights around you are in the center room, and these stone rectangle column things have pushed out in a certain pattern, okay, and that's pretty much it for right now. Okay, uh, what's like uh the furthest out column?

Um, so I'm gonna say you guys are kind of standing, theater of mind, like you guys are standing here, and then the columns stick out like that, going around, and the statue is dead center and it stood up. I want to like try to push one of the columns back in. Okay. Uh, you go to push it in. Uh, give me a uh strength roll. I pass by two. Okay, perfect. Uh it's a little tough at first, but you do manage to get it going, and it does push, and once you get it started, it continues itself all the way into the path, and then you hear another slot opening up above you. And give me a dexterity roll. How close are you, Bruce? No, I'm not interested in this part at all. Oh, okay.

So just give me another uh dexterity roll. I'm not even monologuing this time. Uh I think so. I'm gonna use two points of luck for that. Okay, perfect. Uh, you dodge out of the way just in time, and a body falls from the ceiling and splats down onto the ground, and it's wearing uh black and white striped clothes. Well, where's our convicts? How do we know it's the convict and not just the guy in a costume? Uh well, it's either the hamburger, or which may or may not exist at this point in time. I don't know. Or uh most people don't wear black and white hand numbers uh other than convicts.

Oh, that's true, and he does have some shackles on his wrists.

That'll do it. Yeah, that's a dead giveaway right there. What do you think he's doing here all dead now? Uh well, uh my guess is uh had we not uh triggered the spooky mausoleum of death under the sea, uh then we still would have been pretty unlucky, and they probably would have used some [expletive] in that bait shop and murdered us. Uh we're destined to die, basically.

You really think so?

Nah.

I'm gonna try one too, and then Harry runs up to one of the pillars and just kicks it and it pushes all the way in. And the same thing happens. Yeah, another body falls from the ceiling, and this time it's a uh a man in a park ranger just splats right on the ground.

Ooh, that's Jared.

That totally looks like Jared. He looks like a real creeper who used to be fat, you know?

Yeah, either that or his twin brother. Who knows? Who knows at this point? Um so alright, [expletive] it. Let's just push who else. What are the bodies in fact?

So then as you guys go along and keep pushing these pillars in, uh, what did I say?

There were six of them. So yeah, you push in the first one, it's burglar, yeah, convict. Second one's park ranger. The third one, it's just some lady, random lady looking thing. Uh, the next one, one, two, three, four. That's gonna be the other burglar. Uh five, it's gonna be the park ranger who never took a station. Hold on. And then before we push this last one in, do we have any hesitations? Maybe are we flipping all the switches? Are we, you know, is this this is maybe a bad time.

I was just following your lead, Bruce.

I pushed the last one in.

Uh, as you go, give me a strength check on this last one.

Uh 56, which is a fail.

Fail? Yeah, nothing. Nothing happens. It's stout. Okay, I'm gonna shoot it. Okay, go for it.

Give me a firearms check. It's a 45, which I think is a pass.

Um, it's a pass. A pass? Uh you shoot it, and it ricochets, and it doesn't even leave a mark on this stone. Let me check, it's done. Alright, go for it, give me a strength. Uh, I'm gonna go like let me take off this uh cumbersome sheet real quick. Uh you go to take it off, give me a strength roll on that. What is this? Uh 92. Like, what is it, Egyptian cotton? It seems like it's stuck to your skin. Like it's not coming off. At one point where where it felt loose and now feels like it's straight adhered to your skin. Gertrude was into this type of thing, but this does not seem like the appropriate time. Yeah, let me push in that thing. You go to push it in and it's also stuck.

Like it ain't moving anywhere. And then you see the statue turn one of its hands out and over its palm up. Like reaching out? Like he's like asking for something. Oh, he's asking for, Harry.

What's he asking for?

He wants the book. The you think he wants the book? Or your sweet version. Never mind, it's the book.

Well, statues don't know how to read, Rusty. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

Do you know how to read?

Barely.

Alright, Bruce, take good care. I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna put the book in his uh in his palm. Okay. And uh you place the the book inside the palm of the statue, and the book closes itself, and the statue brings it back to its chest, and then his other hand unfolds, and there is a dagger with a um yellow jewel inside of its like onyx black hilt, and the the blade itself looks very old and ancient. Oh gee, thanks. You shouldn't have gonna take it out. Okay. And then give me another sanity roll. Actually, Baldi, give me sanity rolls. Nope.

That's a pass for me. Pass for you?

Uh, you hear uh yeah, take two more points of sanity. Yeah, over these episodes I have become less and less.

Yeah, I believe it.

Uh you now uh instead of whispers, you hear it almost like a straight voice next to you, and it's the voice of your wife, Gertrude, that you haven't heard in quite some time, but you know who it is as soon as you hear it. And she's saying, Come home, you know what you have to do. Yeah, I do. But real quick, why do you give Harry all my pension? Um they're just hearing me like just say that in the middle of nowhere. And then you hear like a slight whisper back, I hate your puzzles. Well, boys, it's been a pleasure.

What are you talking about?

Uh oh, look over there.

What's that?

And I want to like slip my hand like over the book and like let some blood like drip up. Oh, okay. And uh the whole statue now begins to glow bright yellow. And your wound that should be not as damaging as it is, now starts just straight gushing, almost like you hit an artery or something. It's just dumping blood out of your body, and now you're growing really weak, and you lose. I'm gonna say it was a random [expletive] thing. Uh two more hit points on top of what you already lost before.

All right, no, a little more to the left.

Oh, over there and keep looking. I don't see it. It's right in front of you.

I don't see it.

But you and then uh the statue now is glowing super bright, and then uh the torches around you are now popping, and they're like blue now. Where it was a nice orange glow, it's now just bright blue going all the way around. Bruce, what are you doing on all this? I'm just watching. Holy [expletive]. Enjoying the show. Yeah. It's like fireworks. Um and with this, now you were losing a lot of blood and you're becoming extremely weak, and your vision's getting a little hazy, and also you're a little crazy from what's going on. Uh it seems like the statue is now shrinking down in stature to about your size.

Yeah.

I still don't see what you're what you're talking about, Rusty Man. Am I still looking for something?

Oh, a little bit more of the right.

Okay, well, Rusty. Oh, oh my god, Rusty, you're bleeding. Do you need anything or anything? Like a band-aid? I can go find a band-aid.

Shh, hastener.

Oh, what are you that that guy we've been fighting?

I'm gonna like take my bloody hand and like caress the statue's face. Like, we meet again, my friend. So um, in your vision, the statue is now like phasing out of existence as you go to touch it, and now the statue is no longer there, but then you notice that your skin is starting to turn that dark stone onyx-ish color and it's crawling up your arm. Yeah, I'm gonna take a seat on the throne. Okay, perfect. Uh, you go and sit down.

What are you Rusty? What are you doing, man? Do you need hold on? I got a band-aid on my backup set of car keys in my pocket.

You guys can't see if you're listening to the show, but I literally did the like the headcock like I was literally like going through my emotions to die, and then that it was literally like anyway.

He pulls it out and he's shaking it out.

I got a band-aid, I'll fix it.

Just hear the tinkling of keys.

The ringing of keys.

Uh uh, Bruce, push that column over there real quick.

Yeah, sure.

Uh you push it in and it starts sliding in all the way. And now the throne itself has begun to glow a bright yellow. And the ceiling above you, which was just pitch black at first, is now like showing stars and planets like whizzing by and constellations and things like that.

Uh, for a side note, I don't really want to explain it that crazy, but it's like your origin, like you started at this point and have traveled through time, and then it zooms in on Earth, and then like a speed uh you know, frame, like fast-forward motion of like the way things are going, and then like you basically see your life as like now like flashing on the screen till it gets to this point, and like things all of my life, uh just to the point where you open the box.

Okay, and now we get to the box, and it just like keeps flashing the box, box, box, box, box, box, box, box, box, box, box, and now like it kind of converged and it's coming down, and it is the boxes now floating down to your lap, basically.

What's going on?

Oh. Nothing. Just uh just taking a seat here and uh thinking about my life.

And puzzles?

Yeah, the final puzzle. The the box finally falls all the way down to your lap and nestles on it, and then you notice you look down at your right hand and it's no longer a hand, it's kind of like a mass of like six or seven different tentacles all kind of protruding from underneath your yellow cloak, and then your left hand is still like that stone onyx color, and it's now pretty much all the way up your arm. Um is uh has like the door opened up at all? Is there any route of escape for the other people? No, it's looking like sealed off right now. It's looking yeah, um, but you can now see things a little bit different. So give me a roll with advantage spot hidden. Uh it's fill.

It's a super fail. Roll one more time, [expletive] it. And yeah, that's a pass. Okay. You can now see like bright red interconnecting lines that are going from all the pillars and everything to each other to another point that was like the pathway that you walked in. So basically you can reverse the pattern. Yeah, see magic basically at this point. I'm gonna just kind of like alright, Bruce. Uh uh, Harry, I keep doing what you're doing, Bruce.

Uh one I'm picking my nose.

Four, one, two, five, six. Uh, and then like you see a crack in like Bruce. You see it, it's big enough for you and Harry to possibly get through if you are looking at that, or if you're watching him turn into some [expletive] celestial statue thing. Yeah, I'm probably looking at that. Uh Bruce, Harry, uh, the doors have opened up. Uh uh, I just gotta make a quick phone call uh to Gertrude. I can actually connect with her on this throne. So I'm gonna uh quit yeah, I'll be right there, hon. Uh, you guys go get the car started and uh I'll be right out.

I'm sorry, I've had the keys the whole time. I forgot.

Oh, you silly fool. Uh all right. Well, you go. You go get it right.

I can't leave you, Rusty.

Oh, I'm gonna be right behind you.

You promised?

Yeah, we're gonna go fishing in the morning. You're gonna catch your first fish.

Okay. Oh my god, that's so sad.

Um uh Harry [expletive] books it. He's uh heading out. Bruce, I need you to tell the boy something. No. It's about my pension, which is gonna pay for your trip back home. But here's tell him uh, well, first off, the the life insurance is and he gives the information for like some of the stuff if he dies and like there's like a big payout and whatever. And then uh tell Harry that I'm proud of him, and he was the only friend I ever had. And he looks directly in your eyes and says, only friend. Rude. And then make up a story about me. Don't tell what happened. Uh right now, at this point in your conversation, your sanity has uh dropped. Dropped super low at this point. Bruce wasn't there at all. He left.

I'm cool if that's canon too. Like he actually just left. Bruce is already gone. Uh you can see man. You can see your wife like holding out her hand towards you and everything. Gertrude. Yeah, and the lights start getting bright. But then as you go to grab her hand, a tentacle wraps around yours and then basically pulls you back into the darkness. Oh, hell no. Gertrude, no. Uh, there's a rumbling, Bruce, as you and Harry are now going up the steps towards the car, and you can see water to start flooding back in to the lake, and the large stone archway doors are closing back in on themselves. Okay.

I got where's Rusty?

Nice twin.

He's what?

Twin.

Sweating? Hold on, I got water in my ears. Oh, he's swimming, but there wasn't oh no, there's water now. There wasn't water before. Oh look, I can see the car keys down there.

It just floats at the top. It's got one of those buoys on the dead fishing.

It's a cash in the dead fish. It just floats right back up.

Oh no, what's what what what do we do from here, Bruce?

Well, he got his pension money still.

But he was like a dad to me, and I'm gonna miss him and stuff. And what maybe we can get him. I'm gonna swim in there and try to get him.

Sure, go for it. Okay, and then uh Harry jumps into the water, and there's a large surge of light that now flashes from the stone pillars that come up, and you, Bruce, can see Harry's like body in the light, and then it like flashes bright, and now you just see like Harry's skeleton in the water, just kind of like what and then uh in your vision now you're being choked by a tentacle thing, and next to Harry.

Next to Gertrude, you see Harry. Hey Rusty, come home.

So what's Bruce doing? I'm just watching.

He had the keys, Harry had the keys.

I guess I'm gonna go hang out with the uh with the deer.

Is like the sun coming up though? Like uh no, it is like bright light is now shooting up towards the sky like the Luxor in Vegas. Like straight up. And uh what are you trying to do right now? You've regained a little bit of your your sanity and through pure hair. Gertrude.

[expletive] hairy.

Harry, I was where I sacrificed myself so you could live. What are you doing down here?

Wow, Gertrude looks young, you know, Rusty? She looks really stacked, you know? If you don't make it through, I'm gonna spend the rest of eternity with Gertrude.

That's not what I meant by make a man out of you.

Oh, sorry. So well, she's rubbing my neck and stuff now.

The the tentacles are still wrapping around you and pulling you back into the darkness. It's basically if you want to fight it and try to push towards the light. Well, what do you want me to roll for?

Uh power.

Power. I want you to roll power. Power, power, I want you to roll power.

Yeah, 22.

Uh the tentacles break free, and then you're able to push through basically to the light side. And then that's when things fade out. And as far as you, Bruce, the light is now glowing even brighter. Is it like expanding outward? Yeah. Like kind of just enveloping it. Yeah, and pushing out towards the edges of the lake, and you see the water starting to boil. And in the center of the lake itself, um, the throne starts to rise up out of the lake, and it's Haster, and he's sitting in the throne as it's slowly rising up out of the water. I imagine because you went back inside to hang out with the deer, you can see all this through the window.

Yeah.

And I broke it open, so yeah, yeah. So the windows gaped open, the winds are blowing, [expletive] dead birds are falling from the sky and [expletive], all kinds of chaos. Storm clouds are circling above this lake, and you see the throne rise up out, and then nothing. Just like a flash of your eyes, it's calm.

I'm gonna shoot the deer.

Roll me roll for it, [expletive] it.

70. 70. I think is a pass.

Is it?

Yeah, it's a pass.

Oh, okay. You shoot the deer, no problem. But then it uh let me let me just roll.

It like comes off and there was like a hole, like some guy was like looking through it.

55.

I'm gonna say, yeah, the deer pops off the wall and uh lands on top of you. Um and now you're stuck underneath this uh this mounted deer. I'm gonna say you lose. [expletive] there was a whole deer, or was just its head? It was just the head. Is a deer head really heavy? I don't know. Yeah, depends on the mount.

Okay.

Let's say it was uh they use the steel mold.

I was playing the game of hunting.

Uh you took uh four extra points of damage to your health. Okay. Okay.

And that's pretty much all I got for the end. So is Hasner like revived now? Yes, he is now officially a hundred percent awoken. Uh where'd the box go? Did that disappear in his revival or it basically came back into His being. Okay. Got it. Yep. Because it was a portion of his power that was out and about to make mischief, and now he's like completed. Like Voldemort finding a horcrux, basically. So like other times where like they encounter Hassner was like a projection or not like a full full. Right. It was always just a piece of the box. And then like when chaos ensues, like that power builds a little bit and then allows him to show himself to you specifically. Got him. Well, I think that was a great way to go out.

I didn't actually think you were gonna kill us. So always full of surprises.

Bruce is still alive, so the story might continue.

For now.

Like once I get out from under here.

I imagine, like, honestly, I think a great ending would have been like Bruce going up and like kneeling, like, you rise, my master.

Like he's been like totally that would have been good.

It turns out I lost my [expletive] a long time ago. He did know all of the occult symbols.

Out of your luggage, you pull out like this yellow cloak, you're like, oh, finally [expletive] pop it on. Hey, wait for me.

So that was it for Rusty and Harry at least. Bruce is still out there. My favorite part is the pushing the columns in the body [expletive]. Are you supposed to do more like interacting with the criminals that escaped? Uh no. Or that was just like their hideout or whatever. Yeah, they were hiding out and they got killed around the lake. There was originally you guys were supposed to actually go fishing and there was a monster encounter that was gonna happen in the water. But you guys couldn't. But 42 minutes in, we were just unpacking. Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. There was gonna be like a monster fight, but it didn't work out that way. That was epic. I uh I have uh not, I don't know, kind of funny story.

I the only time I've been fishing, my dad would take me. Uh I don't think this was allowed, but he would we would like go fishing in the pond on a golf um course, golf course, and they like specifically put fish in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I would catch like fish. Um it was like a tiny little pond full of fish, so it was like very easy. It was like super [expletive] because it was like cheating basically. Oh, yeah. And I thought I was really good at fishing, and then I found out that actually, like the one time I went to like an actual place, like to catch it. Yeah, like honestly.

So that's that's they have places like that for uh hunting deer too that I read about where like it'll be a ranch. Like right, it's like a ranch that's enclosed, and like every day they'll have a feeder go off.

So the deer come to the feeder. So when you sign up to hunt there, you sit in a tree stand or just a hunting stand, and the feeder pops up and goes off, like take your pick.

Very predatorial of you. Now you're a man, Harry. Yeah, you're a man. That's exactly how I think Harry or uh how Rusty would have taken Harry because he knows he couldn't handle it on like an actual track or anything.

A Weenie Hutt Jr.

Super Weenie Hut Jr.

No, I liked it. I thought I thought that worked out pretty good. Didn't go exactly how I planned it, but when when does it? When does it? How many pages did you write? I always like to check on them. Um this time it was only two because I had the basic gist. 45 minutes in, we were still on the first page, and then I got nervous. So I had the basic gist of everything and then the into the depths portion. I feel like you learned from last session that only like a couple puzzles is like and by a couple I mean like a puzzle. Yeah. A crossword puzzle. Right. What um so putting on the book and the stuff, it was all just part of the transformation into like the yeah.

So this actual uh in my head, I know I don't explain it well enough actually in the story, but in my head, this was the exact location where Haster went to sleep after he was informed from his brother, the other god, that it was time to rest. So that's why the the stone staircase that went down looks so familiar from your dreams. It was in fact the exact same one where they held their conversation. And he basically set all this plan in motion so that he could be woken up before the other elder gods awaken. Perfect. Yeah, I was just that leads in perfectly into the last question I was gonna ask you, which is like what else can we expect like this if this story were to continue?

Because there were other elder gods we went about, and Hester is kind of breaking the uh kind of agreement or whatever that was uh Yep. So now uh at this point in uh our Nat 1 universe for a call of Cthulhu, uh everything is normal as it seems right now, except for Haster has fully awoken, and there are the full gamut of other elder gods, all the Cthulhu-esque stuff within this realm, and we just haven't gotten to that point yet. But now things might pick up later episodes now that there is a full-blown elder god roaming digging. Also, I want to throw out there totally in his younger years, Rusty was a little bit of a man [expletive], and there could be an illegitimate uh Rusty Grandchild. Oh yeah.

Well, we do both of you guys were at war, like Bruce and Rusty's other kids. Yeah.

I have like a Vietnamese like children.

It could happen. It could happen.

Uh cool. Well, we hope you enjoyed uh the the finale of conclusion of the box of this arc. Uh yeah, check us out. So if you liked our show, go to natonepresents.com. You can see all the different uh clips and uh different podcast apps, or join our Patreon, patreon.com slash NatOnepresents, and support us. We have multiple tiers, you get video episodes, ad-free when we do ads. And yeah, check it out. Oh, and a bonus episode every month. So And you can see Nate's face when I told him about the extra set of car keys in Harry's pocket. So good. Yeah, some hidden gems there. So thanks for listening, and we will talk to you next week.