Nate Nominations | Modern Olympic Games

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Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents the podcast. Hey Nate. Hey, welcome back. Oh, thanks. I'm glad to be here. I missed uh another episode due to my tremendous work schedule. I know. Why don't you just quit your job? Uh once enough people start paying money for Nat One Presents, then that is a total possibility. Total possibility. Uh in the meantime, don't quit your job then because that is not a thing. Right. But when it happens, and it will happen, I'm gonna go in there and start flipping everybody off. It's gonna be like that scene from half baked. I'm gonna go in there and be like, [expletive] you, [expletive] you, you're cool, [expletive] you, I'm out. Funny story though, doesn't your CEO listen to the show?

He listened to one episode which scared the bee jeepers out of him. Right.

Yeah, because you don't know, like, do you watch all of it? Like, have you ever talked [expletive] about work?

Like, I bet like everything, every episode flashed right before my eyes, right in front of my eye, and then for the first time in my life ever, I couldn't come up with the words.

You had you had nobody come back to that. Nothing. It was just like, yes, I do have a podcast. You should check it out. I am Nightbot. Speaking of who is Nightbot, I have suspicions. Uh I'm not gonna name names. Katie, I think it's you. Maybe not. Prove me wrong. Only way to prove that it's not you, Katie, is by actually signing up with your own name. Right. It's the only way.

And then if Nightbot's away, right, then we'll still know. Then we'll still know. So the only way you're really doing this is if you get suckered in and now you have two accounts. It's the only way. Prove us wrong.

You gotta do it, prove us wrong. We know it's you now. So Nate, last week uh we talked about how disappointing the Olympics was. Right. But I feel like this week we're gonna do a 180. Or maybe not. What do you think? Where have you been? So I asked Chris what his opinion on the Olympics was, and me and him were both like, uh, in this age, like I don't even have cable anymore. Like, I don't know, I'm not excited. The COVID, there's no there's like nobody even watching these events now. Like, I don't know. What are you what are your thoughts on that?

The whole thing is really weird to me. Like, I remember being younger and like, oh man, the Olympics are so cool, but now that I'm older and really don't give two [expletive] about it, that's about where I'm at right now. Like, it's cool when we win. Like, I my whole family's very patriotic. We love America, but there's just something about the Olympics, like, eh, I'd rather just hop on Sea of Thieves.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Well, one of the most recent stories, like too many like real life stories have come out. Like, so there was that one from like what Georgia or I don't know what country, some country near like Russia, where she was like talking [expletive] about our coaches, and then they tried escorting her like to a plane to send her back, and she like basically like went to like the Tokyo police and is like seeking like refuge, refuge in other in like other countries now because that's how some of that [expletive] is out there, right?

It's like you go there to perform and if you don't, or if you talk like against your government, like that [expletive], you know, it's one of those we joke about like oh America sucks, but like also that's a little less common here, right? You wouldn't get away with it as much.

Uh because we're protected to speak our minds here, you know. But these other countries, like, oh man, if she gets escorted back home, what's gonna happen to her?

Exactly. Straight up, she literally is like, I fear from my life, right? And then you gotta wonder, like, well, she might be fine. What about her family? Like, right? Like, oh my god, no, I'm scared. So it's like stories like that that just make the Olympics a little less exciting for me. But I do gotta ask you. So I stopped watching the Olympics because I realized I was literally only watching it like to like watch like attractive men. Is that do you have you ever done that? Like, or is it because I've never done that for not for the men, right? Okay, I got it. But like the women, have you ever been like, wow, I really want to see like the women's gymnastics?

Like, actually, no, you know, like I'm it it's never like if it gets down to that point, I'll watch a little something more risky.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

But I'm not gonna watch it just for that. Like, there are a lot of attractive both both sexes, you know. I'm comfortable enough to say it. Like, there are a lot of handsome children, fit, athletes, whatever.

A lot of beautiful women that go there, but for some reason, like it's still not enough for me. I think that's the healthy answer, and that's why I stopped watching because I'm like, am I really just watching this to like I don't know, like swimmingly like people, like like athletes from across the web? I'm like, wow, that's that's sad. So that was kind of the final draw for me. You're like, I can't do this anymore, I'm done with it. But the other thing is I also feel like the events are just not as cool anymore. Like I'm just not excited about like Olympic [expletive] skiing or shooting or whatever. I just don't care, right? You know, we need like they need some fresh blood.

Oh, yeah. Something new and enticing that'll like really pull you in and modern. Yeah, modern. I think that's where we're going with this episode, right? I think so. That's what uh this episode is gonna be. Uh the Nat One presents Olympics. What events would we like to see in the Olympics that would actually get us to watch and be intrigued about this whole idea that is the Olympics?

So we pulled some people, um, some people being Nate and I just us. Uh and this is what we came up with. You know, keeping in mind something exciting, you know, something more modern. Something we can all relate to, you know. And so uh some of the events were Olympic small talking, um, Olympic eye contact, social media commenting, esports, yes, which is actually a thing.

So not it's not Olympic yet, but could be they are seriously talking about I know that for a fact because uh what was the quote? The esports does not need the Olympics, but the Olympics needs esports.

Yes, that's true. Well, and like a huge percentage now of like athletes who get visas to come to the US, the biggest percentage now is for esports, right? Um, so yeah, I I like it absolutely could be a thing. Um have you have you ever been to an esports game?

No, I would like to. Like I we talked about how I want to go to uh the fighting one, the Evo tournament. Yeah, they're not having it, it's gonna be just online this year. But I would love to go to one of those or any other game that I play, and I think that's what really is the thing that sets esports apart from these other ones because it's so accessible to everybody. Everybody can hop on uh PlayStation, Xbox, PC, and play these games, and then they feel like, oh man, I'm that close to being at their level, you know, even though you're [expletive] not. Nah. But you watch the regular Olympics, like shot put, like, man, talk about like spending your whole life in a specialized thing to just throw a ball. Yeah.

You know, like that doesn't relate to me. When's the last time I threw a ball? I threw a ball at the pickles the other day, and she caught it and totally shut me down because I threw it in anger and she's like, and then that was it. I'm like, oh, you got me again, pickles, you know. That's the closest I've been to shot put in uh my whole life, probably.

Well, it's amazing. See, I I just don't know, like I we can't even, I don't think, make a joke out of this because the reality is that esports is a thing, right? And I I used to think too like a bunch of like sweaty nerds like staring at a TV, but I'm like, that's actually though, like also what happens at like a football game. Like they project the game up on screens, and most people are watching that, like you can't actually see like all the way down. I mean, you're watching, but it's like harder to see down there, so you a lot of times you're watching, you know. So I'm like, it's really not that difficult.

Oh, yeah, it's not that different. Any sport like football, like uh, I'm a part of a fantasy football league, and no joke, Nate, I don't even watch football, I just do it to kind of blend in with everybody else.

And I took second place last year because the computer auto-drafted, uh, and every day I just click suggested, so the computer automatically puts whoever in.

I never even watched a [expletive] game, and I still got second place, I got some money out of it. That's amazing, but it's the same thing, you know? Like it's just nerds sweating over a different thing, and it's just whatever is acceptable at the time. And I think esports is really coming on with full force, like everybody's like, no, video games are [expletive] legit.

And and I think like it's becoming now where it used to be you like athleticism was the skill that was focused on, but now we're just like skills, yes, just skills, yep, like you know, which brings us to someone we're not done yet. We had some of this here, right? So it's speed knitting. I could totally see that being a honestly, it's huge. All ages knitting. Do you [expletive] the Olympic diver, that gay one? Um something dolly, I don't like that's how much I don't want to explain the the Britain the he got gold, he's from Britain, he's gay, that's all I know. But he was like [expletive] knitting in the stands. Like when he wasn't like, dude, it's a thing. So speed knitting, totally happening. Uh Olympic loitering, yes, that'd be a good one.

Yep, I like that one a lot because that's something everybody can do.

Everybody.

But you have to be a real professional to do it great.

How do you ever loiter? I'm probably when I was like a teenager or something, like you got nothing else going on. Even as a teenager, I never understood it because I'm like, why would I stand here in front of a store? Right. It's usually gonna ask people to buy like alcohol, but I guess maybe that's what it is. But I always thought of loitering as like kids just hanging out, like skating around the entrance of a gas station. I'm like, that sounds dumb. Like, why wouldn't we go to like a skate park or like a park or even just like my house? Right. Like why any other place? Why is this gas station? So I'm just more intrigued about that, and we need to explore that so much. Yes, I will explore it.

Uh Befriending Cats. Was this meant for this list?

Yes, that was. Um, that would be an event that I would watch with a fiery passion. If they round up a bunch of feral cats and then put them in a field, and the objective was the country that can befriend the most cats comes out with the metal. I would watch that. But they don't they can't have like protective equipment or anything like that.

They need to be just like t-shirts and airsoft lol, wait, that's a thing.

Yes.

I uh I'm just reading verbatim history. Yes, yeah.

I was gonna make a joke that we should have an airsoft thing, and then uh upon my surprise, that's an actual Olympic event already. And then I watched a little bit of it, and man, it is a weird. Yeah, it is [expletive] weird. Like they got these crazy looking airsoft guns, and then the chicks had like these cool like glasses that they would wear, but then the dudes had like this weird, futuristic, like cyberpunk visor, and they're like almost like dead shot, you know? Yeah, and then yeah, just the way they're doing and then uh the coolest one was the chick that won had a really cool like anime pose that she did.

She puts her hand in her pocket and then just sticks one arm straight out and with her like her little eye closed or whatever, like that, and just because it's just an airstop cut. There's no kick or anything.

No, yeah, epic. Uh, last one I could totally get behind. Uh Battle Royale in the Olympics. All right, so I'm over it in video games, but in real life, I would be down. Oh, yeah, right? And and this one, maybe they pick like random people, you know. Yes. You were telling me the other day you saw a meme on social media that was like, what if the Olympics were just like you were just selected randomly? Yeah, yeah, like Hunger Games style. There'd be a lot of injuries. Oh, yeah. Like it probably wouldn't be good.

Oh, it would be great. It'd be great, right? Right, because it's just an average Joe. It's someone you can relate to.

I would share definitely more for like that guy looks like me. Like, yeah.

Like an American team, realistically, let's look at it, probably gonna be a 300-plus pound dude. Yep, you know, and probably the lady too. Like, let's not, you know, mix like the facts are facts, all right? America's super overweight, and that automatically puts us at a disadvantage against places like Japan that have required exercise and like calisthenics and stuff in the morning. So I'm just picturing that. But then if he can pull out the win, yeah, [expletive] America, you know.

There's nothing more patriotic than a 300-pound man winning something he shouldn't have.

Oh, yeah.

At least in the United States.

I [expletive] love it.

So battle royal, I don't know. I like we joke jokes aside, like I would love to see like something where it's like a mass of people as an Olympic event, right? Because everything's like, here's the best five in the country. Like, I want no, I want to see this assortment of 30. Yep. Like going at it. Yeah, you know, and then yeah, the whole team wins if just like three of them make it to the end or something.

And I think that really adds to like where the Olympics are being held this year, kind of thing, you know, like oh the battle royals in Japan this year.

It was a missed opportunity, you know. Right. And if they want to go ahead and put explosive collars on people, do it.

It's fine.

[expletive] it.

You signed up for the Olympics, you know? Have it so like the top three teams or whatever, like they're set for life afterwards, just like Hunger Games, but yeah.

I mean, so essentially we just want Hunger Games, right? That's really it. So we were thinking, um, I know you're probably thinking, like, I'm not buying it. Like, you could how could small talk be an Olympic event? Right. So we were gonna like maybe give you a sample. Yeah, expand on a little expand on, give you a little taste, right? Um, so I'm channeling my like dodgeball, the ocho commentator type deal. Um bold strategy, Cotton. I wonder if it'll pay out for them. Exactly. Exactly. Uh all right, so uh we're gonna give a shot. This is uh for Olympic small talk. Olympic small talk.

All right, Nate. Up next in the small talk event, we have Percy uh Jenkins from Sweden coming up for the small talk event. A lot of people look down on the small talk event, Nate, but I happen to know that this is actually a great life skill that'll improve all the way around, across the board for your whole life. And these people here today are the absolute professionals at what they do, which is in fact small talk.

Right, O'Neill. See, it's deceptively challenging because it takes a lot of skill to say a lot of words, but not actually add anything of value to a conversation. Correct, correct, right? You know, so think of like Karen from Finance at the water cooler. You know, you could talk 10 minutes. Did she say anything of value? No, not at all. And that like that doesn't just happen unless you're Karen from Finance, right? Speaking of which, Karen from Finance is also this year.

She's a front runner for gold this year. Uh her last event, she talked about her child's fifth birthday for approximately 30 minutes, but nothing was really said. There was maybe a pony, maybe a clown, maybe a drunk uncle that showed up, but none of it was really for certain.

Right? All we knew is it happened once a year and it was that time again.

Yep. Also, she got a new haircut, and you should go down to Susie's beauty shop down on 22nd. It's beautiful. You should check it out.

Do we have any underdogs this year for the event?

Absolutely. Because the events are held in English, because English is the obviously world-spoken language, the Ethiopian team is having a little hard time this year. But I think with a little bit of, you know, pulling through, it's actually really hard for them too, because a lot of the small talk events involve talking about the weather, which the weather's kind of always the same in certain parts of the world. Um that's gonna be my uh my underdog this year, but I really think he's got a shot at it, you know? Oh, here we go. Uh, so we're 40 minutes in.

Nah, I'm just kidding. So yeah, I think it could be like imagine if like you were scored based on the number of words you said, but like how little you said at the same time. Like that makes sense. Like, politics, am I right? Yeah, and you're like, all right, well, that was like 70 points awarded for not stating either political party or having any kind of opinion whatsoever.

Just regurgitating what you heard on some news channel, but really not following along. Yeah. Like, I just want to be involved. That's the small talk. And then if like someone can reply, but like being equally like not like Ooh, no, I think for the small talk event, there's one other person on stage, and the whole time they just go, mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm.

That's me when I'm trying to get out of the conversation. Have you ever like I mean, you don't have like a water cooler per se at work, but have you ever like been trapped? Like, hopefully your coworkers don't listen to the show, but we can go with mine, maybe, because I know they don't listen, but I've definitely had this situation where someone is just talking and talking. I'm like, I don't know what to say. So it's like, yep, you just give one-word answers. Like, there's no possible way for them to expand on the conversation, but they will. But they will.

I used to be like that, but now recently, probably within the last year or so, I've really given no [expletive] about it. And I've basically copied what my son does, where if somebody's talking about something I don't like, I make eye contact and then just walk away.

I like the added icons.

Yeah, just to be like, I'm acknowledging you, but I'm leaving.

Yeah, it's almost like I'm not like distracted, I'm choosing to leave this conversation. Look at this, but but like in with with with eye with it.

And Corbin will do that all the time. He always burns me, and it really hurts my feelings because he's like, What did he say the other day? Like, I was complaining about my video game, and he's like, Oh, what a coincidence. I don't care. And I'm like, What? Oh man, but he's like so flat about it. He doesn't mean to be mean. Yeah, it's not mean, yeah, but like [expletive] burns. Man, so I'm gonna start using that one at work too.

Yeah, well, that's a tip to get out of uh small talk. 101 talk. So right now, going on right in the next one, eye contact.

I think that's an event that immediately follows small talk. I I [expletive] lose that event ever.

I cannot do it, man. Right. I mean, I like fake it at work as best I can. It's easier now in the Zoom days because actually you're looking at like a lens camera versus yeah, so it's not as hard, but in person, like man, I could just not like, especially if I hate that person or whatever, like it's it's so hard for me.

It's weird that we're talking about right now.

I'm actually actually we're not doing half bad, but no.

Usually I look off over there, and I'm sure everyone who watches the video knows we never look at the [expletive] camera in the video. Never. Sometimes I'll like give it a weight. Anybody gives us money, but yeah, I think eye contact definitely a tough one. Now, what are we thinking for the event?

Are we thinking like staring contest or like no, no, not it's not staring, it's more just like talking about uncomfortable things, but like having to make eye contact. Oh, yeah, or like so. Maybe like you know that person just goes like in the other talk. Well, this time they're like, so my wife just had her period, and then you're just like they're the uh-huh person.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah, exactly.

He's like, I've never dealt with it before. It's a real heavy flow. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's like, don't look away from me, Steve. Don't you look away from me. This is important in my life right now. I got nothing else going on, so we're gonna talk about this and make you uncomfortable, and you're gonna look at me in the eyes.

Exactly. I can't do it when I'm trying to avoid a conversation too. Like, I'm always like trying to look at something else because I in my head, I'm like, this is the cue for them that I like don't want to talk about having to say it doesn't work and it never does. But yeah, eye contact is challenging. I even have it, I work with a personal trainer. Hey Zach, thanks for listening. And number one, we like we literally can't do it, like his job is to like watch me do an exercise, and if I like catch him with a game, I'd be like, stop, right, and I'll just like run somewhere else because I just like can't, it makes me so uncomfortable. Right. And I I think it should be an Olympic event.

I think I think it could be really challenging.

I think so too. I wonder how that would how would that be broadcast?

You have to wear like a GoPro in your head.

I think we use science and make it really extreme.

Like they put up a retinal scan and like and we will know if his eyes break away from eye contact if he moves a millimeter away.

That's amazing. Because you know, so I I I did like some research and I got like a certification, and basically it was like how people read content on the web. And so they actually basically did that. They put on [expletive] like glasses that followed like the [expletive] retina. Yeah, and like they could see basically people read content on the web in like an F pattern. They they start like they have good intentions at first, like, I'm gonna read this whole article. They read a sentence, nope, they start scanning, you know, then like kind of like a capital F, they would like to go read another like first sentence of another paragraph. Nope, not what I'm looking for. Then they keep going down.

So they call it F pattern, is actually uh what they refer to it, and like they they literally have that technology, so they could absolutely do that. So it'd be like predator yeah, you're just like in a [expletive] like heat map, and then like [expletive] the retinas on there, and like if you get into certain colors, you get points, yeah.

Or like three complete like lookaways and you're done, but then it's like up to the other countries to come up with the topics you're gonna talk about.

Yeah, I would totally watch that, or it's like so. This one doesn't bother me, but I know people get really heated about breastfeeding for some reason, so it's like someone's like breastfeeding and you just have to like maintain it. Make eye contact with them, like don't look down, don't look down because that's another thing is like sometimes it's not about being awkward or uncomfortable, it's more like is it inappropriate for me to like make eye contact? Like, so in that situation, like is it okay for me to stare? Right.

Someone's like, Are you gonna put a [expletive] blanket on or what? You know, like what's up with this show? Like, are you gonna show me your cute baby or what's going on? Because you can't do both, you can't breastfeed and show me your cute baby at the same time. It doesn't work like that. Like, I'm gonna take a Sharpie and put a little smiley face on the back of his head, and that way at least it's more comfortable for me to look at you. That way I feel like we're both having a conversation. You know, I like okay.

So maybe logistically the eye contact competition a little more challenging, right? But what about this one? So the social media commenting. And that's so this is where I imagine like you have to be like just the most toxic person on the internet. True. You know, like like not read an article and then comment on the headline, like that kind of person, you know, or like the person who has an opinion with zero insight whatsoever. Uh bonus points, sharing a link to like a domain that's clearly not like Or totally bias. Like it was like this is totally science.eu or so [expletive] I don't know.

No, I could see that. And then I want like the the repercussions to be there. You know, like so if you don't get in the top three, [expletive] canceled. And like that's the culture you've created, so that's what's gonna happen to you.

You know, you're [expletive] done. You just like you like you have to like pony up and like put up your accounts. That's what the Olympics is missing too. Like, there's no like repercussion, like so what? All right, maybe you break your leg if you don't train adequately. But other than that, like you know, what do they lose except for their nation's pride and you know credibility? Right. Nothing, you know? Like they should have to pony up and be like, whose house? Like, you're gonna lose your farm, you're gonna lose your house, you're gonna lose your mom.

Like, oh, you don't have any other collateral? Sorry, we're taking your family away. Like, those are the the breaks, kids. You know, you want to be an Olympian.

That's you know, that's stakes. Yeah. If if you think they're under pressure now, like think how much harder they would try. How much harder they try. Exactly.

They look off to the side and their wife's like held at gunpoint, like [expletive] run, [expletive].

Like, wow, she used to quintuple what the [expletive] ever. Like, that's never been done before. They're starting to do it.

Everybody's like, like, oh my god, like, no go.

Like everybody's freaked out on the right mind. Someone just drops dead from like a heart attack.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they can handle the stress. Can handle it. I'm sure it's stressful enough. And think about like all the years that those athletes put into like, like we said before, these specialized events. Like, you're the best of the best at what you do. Do people care? It seems like not really lately. So you've lost all those years of your life already. So kudos to the Olympians out there. Proud of you. Thank you.

It really is impressive. I get annoyed. Have you seen the uh like newscasts? And like it happens every year where like somebody wins like a silver or a bronze, and they're like, so how's it feel? Almost getting the gold, or you know, and it's like right, hi, I have an Olympic medal. Like, how many do you have? Right, you know, like it's crazy. Like, I think that is kind of a very like United States American thing of like if you don't get gold, we almost like are like don't care. Yeah, we almost don't care. You know, and it's like like bronze is top three in the world. Oh, yeah. That's what that says.

The world that says you are number three in the world, like there should be a little bit more like pride and celebration around the other medalists, right?

Like a newscaster like Silver Medal, like, how's it feel being the first loser? Yeah, like that's basically what they're saying, you know. Oh my fat piece of [expletive]. What do you know with your life?

What is this? Channel 13, local news. What do you work in the afternoon show? You're not one, yeah. You're not even the morning or the evening, you're the [expletive] late afternoon show, right?

Because [expletive] like the [expletive] power walk. I was talking with Chris, like there are these like weird events, like power walking at like 2 a.m. Right, is like you know, like what used to come on and stuff. So it's like the people covering those coverages, you know, they're like, all right, it's the intern, or like that's like the lowest like on the total bowl. Absolutely.

Right. But I think these ones would be hot ticket ideas.

I think they'd be hot. Let's uh let's do another because I don't think they're buying it, our fans. I think they really need to, so we need to set the mood for them a little bit. What about uh speed knitting?

Now, speed knitting, Megan knits, and it gets hardcore. And she says the old ladies are actually super [expletive] fast. So that immediately popped into my head. This is actually her idea because I asked her for one and it was speed knitting, yeah. It's a good one. Oh, yeah. So I immediately pictured in my head that like 70-year-old lady been knitting her whole life, and this is her moment to shine for her country, the fastest one to whip up a sock. Just one sock. Just one. Go.

I can see it.

Let's let's roll play it. Okay, okay, very and coming up next for the America team, it's Bertie McBurtalby hailing from Seven Elms retirement home out of Orlando, Florida. Nate, she shows absolute promise this year in the sock knitting event.

Absolutely, Nate. Her family comes every year. They are so proud to see somebody so old, not only alive, but also competing in an Olympic event.

Right, as the camera pans in now, you can see her lotioning up with that asper cream. It's gotta be hard lately when the elderly events. We have seven of 'em where the elderly folks all basically hail from Seven Elms retirement home out of Orlando, Florida, but they are doing their best out here to show that they are capable to be number one in their country.

That's right, Nate. They say lightning can't strike twice, but you can hook seven pacemakers up to an abomin and hope that they win a goal.

Here she is now. Oh no, oh no, Nate. We're we're having a little bit of a technical issue. She's grabbing her her left arm there. I don't know quite well. Oh, she's down. She's got the cold sweats. It seems that she's not gonna make it to the final competition. I don't know what we're gonna do from here. This is a sad loss for the 7L. I mean the American team.

Yeah, so oh my gosh. I I honestly, speed knitting, I could see it being a thing.

Oh yeah.

I if if there was one of these aside from the ones that are actual sports, like airsoft and esports, I could see speed knitting being like the next row one.

And then like that gives something for the everyday man. Because uh apparently knitting is coming back, like a lot of people are knitting now.

It it is like actually a thing. Like I have guy friends, I have someone made me like a I don't even know what you call it. It's like a thing you wear on around your neck, but it's not a scarf because it goes all the way around and it's it's just fashionable. Right. I haven't draw over there, I'm gonna wear it next episode. Oh, yeah. It's great.

And then we had that one uh DD friend who makes like the little figures or whatever, you know?

Like crazy. And I I buy like knitted gifts for my friends all the time. Someone, maybe my favorite Pokemon is like uh, I forgot, it's called like Ara Anna Anamaguchi or something. I don't know, that's a band, but there's like there's like basically when you make like anime characters out of yarn or whatever, that's like there's a special name for it. And I I like [expletive] love those things. I have like six of them on my bookcase. Oh yeah, um, I think it's awesome. But what I would like to see is that they like maybe blend speed knitting, like, because those needles could literally puncture eye, yeah. Like straight up, you know, like not only could Bertie be deadly with a needle like at speed knitting, but she could also literally poke through someone's chest.

Right. So, like, what if they had to like there's only like six needles and people are like fighting over them, and then the ones with like the remaining needles then stitched to the end or something like that? Like that's like we just need to we need to elevate these events a little bit more, like all the yarns covered in blood and stuff, yeah.

And like Bertie's gonna have one dye pulled out, yeah. That'd be intense. Or maybe the pressure from being one of these Olympic athletes and like uh-oh, Bertie's at a standstill, she's no longer knitting at top speed. It looks like she's having a mental breakdown. Oh my god, she's going to Sakurai, the Japanese contender. She's stabbing her and the jugular. Oh my god, we knew this was a matter of time. We got her from the Alzheimer's place. She doesn't know where she is, she looks completely lost out there, Nate.

But that, you know, I I think another another potential pitch, half joke, half true. What if elderly people were more involved in the Olympics? Right. Right? I feel like that day could come. We have all these baby boomers now. We gotta do something, and we also have to get them off this planet somehow because they don't plan on dying.

Let's sign them up for the battle royale coming up later.

That's what I'm thinking. That's what I'm thinking. But really, see, on one hand, like I know because it's very athletic and elderly people would just more likely to be injured. So I guess that wouldn't work, but I would love to see more representation. Like, we have Special Olympics. I would love to see is there like an elderly Olympics, or could we have events in the Olympics that were for older? Like, I I've seen like fit bodybuilders that are like 50, 60, like oh yeah. So like I absolutely think it could happen.

Oh, for sure. Like, yeah, you can't compete at certain events at a certain level, but other events you probably excel because you have the wisdom and patience of an elderly person. Exactly. If the Chinese can have 12-year-olds doing gymnastics, then why can't I have 75-year-old Bertie McBluff Fluffin' Fluff from the Seven Elms retirement home out there speed knitting?

Why not? Why not? Riddle me that, Nate.

Yeah, I want it. Make it happen.

Make it happen. All right. Uh this one, next one, loitering. I want you to explain to me uh maybe how you're imagining the system.

When I wrote this up, I immediately pictured it in my mind. So we're gonna have a like a stage, like a mock stage of a front of a gas station. And the idea is you get bonus points for loitering, but not in a way that like people are gonna like tell you off. Like if you do nothing, absolutely nothing, and just stand there, then you get negative points and you get kicked out.

Like, you need to look like you're still doing something, but not look sketchy, but not make someone uncomfortable enough to not come in.

No, that's actually bonus points. I was thinking in my head. Like, if some elderly lady walks up to the door and you're standing there and she's like, Ooh, better hit another gas station. Bonus points. But if you get like the cops, like fake cops come by. You draw like the wrong, yes, yep, like GTA kind of deal. If you're getting five [expletive] stars out there, you're done, you know.

So, like, what what are like the different, like I feel like so, like the styles or whatever? So there'd be like there'd be like skateboarders or yeah, smoking.

Uh another one I had uh the one I pictured in my head was like a scummy crackhead guy. Be like, all right, and up next we have Steve the SCUZ McCloskey, and he's been known to loiter hard in his life. Let's go to his uh pre-game interview, and then his Steve McSkloskey shows up and he's just like scratching his neck and [expletive]. He's like, Yeah, man, I don't know what. I just stand outside a gas station. Sometimes I ask for money, sometimes I don't do nothing, and then all of a sudden I get to stand in there, and next thing I know, seven hours have passed.

Exactly. Also, I bet you've seen this before. Like the people who scratch off scratch offs right outside the door, like they're ready to win, and they're gonna go right back in and turn that ticket in. Like, man, like how desperate do you have to be? I mean, one to buy a scratch off, but two to scratch it off outside of the door of the gas station you purchased.

Yeah, you can't even make it to your car. Can't the worst [expletive] one is when I'm like, you know what? I I think I'll buy a scratcher today. And then this [expletive] is scratching it right on the machine. On the machine. Like you couldn't wait to turn around. And then so it was an old lady at the fries, and she put it right on the face of the machine, scratched it. It was a loser, threw it in the trash, put in more money.

Right. Like, there's literally no, like, like uh you might as well just hand them the dollar and then just put it in the machine, like not scratch anything and just like just scan it, just scrape off the scan, scan it.

Oh, it's a loser. [expletive], buy another one. There's 20 more bucks.

Yeah, and like there's a lot of schemes for making money, right? I've I've probably fallen for some of them, but like scratch-offs is not one that I've ever been.

And they legally have to tell you the odds right on the [expletive] ticket, and they're not good.

No, like you're better playing casino games than [expletive] scratch offs.

You have a better chance of getting eaten by a shark out in the ocean than you do of winning a chance. Yes, they're the worst. You know what? Mark that down for our Olympic events. Scratchers.

Scratchers.

They got personalized little some people have them, little personalized scratchers for the tickets. Oh, yeah.

Oh, so I've I've bought my grandfather like a special coin that like scratches smoothly. Like, that [expletive] feels nice, too. So I'm not, and I want to clarify for the record, I like scratch ups. Like, or on like the holidays, my family will like buy one for everybody or two for everybody, like whatever. That that's okay. I just the people who go outside the gas station are like you said, like are scratching them on the machine. Like, it's not that exciting, you know. Like, most of them a win is a dollar, yeah, which is your money back. Yeah, like that's usually how insulting it is, or two dollars, you get a dollar back. Yeah, it's crazy.

But I have such a mindset of my time has a dollar value, and now I lost money. If I won my money back, I lost money because I wasted time of my life absolutely scratching this ticket.

Well, and that's for like our generation. I wonder if we're gonna like change things a little bit because like casino games, like table games are fun, but like slot machines kind of [expletive] miserably boring, right? Like, you know, like obviously that's you don't play because of like the graphics on a uh slot machine, and you're doing it because you're just like addicted to like the gamble and the thrill of of chance, excuse me. But I feel like our generation is gonna be like, yeah, our slot machine's gonna need like like those bonus games, they're gonna need to like pull out like the arcade or something and then you're up there with a laser gun.

Yeah, they're gonna have to be a lot more interesting because like just me lining up like hearts on a machine, I'm like, this is mind-blowing. Oh, yeah. Like, I would literally rather light money on fire, right?

Like, actually, and then I hail from Nevada.

So you're the expert.

Yeah, and I absolutely will not gamble because it is such a waste of money. You go to any random gas station, slot machines in there. Yeah, everywhere in Nevada. It's gross.

And do people use them? Do you see people using this?

And then for some reason, if there's a slot machine, you're allowed to smoke there, even though the sign says no smoking, but they're like, Oh, they're gambling their life away, better just let them smoke too. So not only are you financially in ruin.

I've never heard I take it back, you're fine with the scratch offs.

That [expletive] is sad, and it's the same people over and over like, I'm gonna sit on that machine and I'm gonna win it. Like it's gotta be soul crushing to like see that [expletive].

Like that, I you probably just can't live around that.

Man, it's too much. And then nothing like rips out my stomach than losing like a couple hundred bucks in a machine, you know. Like, man, I could have done anything else with that money and now I just gave it away.

It is a good lesson, though. I want to make like if it wasn't for like the risk of probably getting children addicted, I'd want every child to be like, all right, go with like $300 and watch them like get up to $500 and then crash at zero because it's like such an important lesson to learn of like greed. It's just straight up greed, right? You get excited and you're like, I have more money. Like the those rare times where you actually do win money, you're like, I have more money than I came here with. Why am I not happy? Why the [expletive] am I not satisfied? Because we're not wired, like, greed is like an actual [expletive] like hard-coded into our system. We want more, we want more, and you end up with nothing.

Like, that's usually how like very few people know what they're doing enough to like really make out with it.

That's like their formula, too. Like, we'll let them win a little bit, and then we'll [expletive] take the shirt off their page.

You get a taste, you get a taste, and it sucks, man.

Just like drugs. Like, I'm gonna give this kid a little bit of cocaine. Next thing you know, he's gonna keep coming back.

We got from Olympics to scratch to loitering, to scratch off tickets, to slot all goes into the loitering event.

Everything we talked about goes into scoring the loitering event. Is the guy out there selling drugs?

Like, this event lasts weeks. Yes, because you just see the digression of man like as part of this whole Olympic event. It's kind of like a [expletive] like uh did do you ever hear Twitch plays Pokemon? It's not related to that at all, but that went on for like weeks where like Twitch, like the entire population was entering commands and they were all like conflicting with each other, and they played through an entire game of Pokemon, and like it went on for like days or something. The first one it went faster after that, right? But like it was it was like a social experiment, and that's what I feel like loitering. It's like not just an Olympic event, it's a [expletive] like like insight into man and yeah, I don't know.

It gets really deep.

And then imagine after all that, you like lose a bunch of money, waste a few weeks at this Olympic event, and then you get like a bronze medal.

Oh, yeah. And then Steve Scuzz, McGilligutty, or whatever, uh, doesn't even show up to the medal ceremony.

Oh my god. I don't, I mean, man, uh, we really went on such a tangent on that one. I don't know if anything could beat that.

I don't that's a tough one.

But if it could, I think it would be Befriending Cats.

Ooh.

You kind of described what this is, but I'm gonna need significant other detail. And I know my husband would be into this. Oh, yeah. Just on the title alone.

I think a lot of people would watch this. Now, immediately in my theater of the mind, because I have I'm almost a crazy person. I think everyone knows it that watches so far. Um, it's a field, right? But like blocked block walls, super tall ones because cats can jump super high, you know. And then so there's a couple trees and [expletive] in there, and then so the whole field, like let's say like a football-sized field, you know, with a super tall block wall, razor wire on top, because we don't want the contestants to be able to leave either. And we put in there like 50 feral cats, real grumpy ones, too.

And then the object is for the contestant to go in there and see how many they can befriend and possibly wrangle up, and then the highest score is the winner.

Yeah, I could see there's something like that working. So, like if the cat sleeps in your like your like home base thing, a couple points. Yes. If the cat's on top of you, like just sitting on your head while you're walking around, extra points. Oh, yeah. If you can sick a cat on another person, go yep, automatic gold.

Yeah, like here you go, you won.

They have more than one gold medal for this event.

There's a lot of lot of medals for this event. But that's what I'm picturing in my head. Now, the only caveat would be you're not allowed to wear uh protective equipment, PPE, and that's pretty much the gist of it. Maybe you have like a 24-hour timer, so like we get to see different strategies going into this. Like the Australian team obviously dressed like Steve Irwin in my theatre of mind, is crawling out there and becoming one with the cats. Yeah, you know, he's like marking his territory and [expletive], you know, and then they're like, oh, this must be the king cat. So next thing you know, he's like following around and stuff.

So here's what I think. We add another metal, right? So like platinum or crystal. Like you you play Crash Bandicoot, right? Oh yeah, totally. So it's like you you get like a gem for like completing it, but then there's like another gem for doing it in like a world record or a personal record or something. So what if there's like another level, like okay, you beat everybody so you get the gold, but you get the platinum if you do it and you fight off a theral cat. Yeah, like right. This is I think we need to add layers to this event, okay? A whole three system metal, three metal system, it's like been there and done that for centuries, all right? So yeah, I don't know what you think.

I totally agree with that. And then, like, if you want to enter yourself, because like in jujitsu they have something called the absolute division, so that means anybody can go in, no weight class, you just go in, it don't matter. And so I think with something like this, if you want to sign up for the next division up called the crystal division or the platinum division, there's gonna be some kind of bonus thing going on, so not just regular feral pants. You don't even know, and then all of a sudden there's a [expletive] bobcat in there or a jaguar or something, you know, and they're like, oh man, and you can't leave, you're locked in there, you gotta deal with it. But if you win, you're etched in history forever, right?

Next year there won't be a Jaguar or Jaguar because there wasn't one that so like it'll it'll be unique, you know. Like next year someone else is gonna get gold, someone's gonna get a faster time. That's just like how these things go, right? But nobody will ever get the crystal medal for the jaguar. Yes, and I'm just gonna keep saying jaguar because that's how you said it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jaguar. I like it.

I think I would watch it. I could be down for it. Be something I'd actually watch.

All right, so let's wrap this up with Battle Royale.

Okay.

How I I mean, I actually like want to see this happen. Yes. Like, I'm not even like kidding anymore, guys. Like, I I think Battle Royale would be cool. Something with like mass people, yeah. Like each Olympic team has like many people and they're not athletes, they're or they're just a mixture. They can have athletes and other people. Um, how like how how would this work? Like, okay, capture the flag, we talking like the original battle royale in the theater of my mind. Yeah, I'm thinking straight like Fortnite.

So we're gonna put these people on a plane and we have an area wherever the Olympics are at, you know, because that will change the terrain every four years, or you make it a winter event too, be like, oh, now they have to survive the harshness of Canada this year, you know. So that's the terrain. Some of these people would lay it straight up get shot out of this guy.

Oh, yeah, they're gonna die for the event. Right out of the plane.

Yeah, right out of the plane. They're gonna die. That's part of it.

That's part of it, right? That's how you do a battery. You know not anyone's gonna make it.

Yep. And then so they jump out of the plane, they have to land. They let's give them a 10-minute instructional video, like how some of these businesses are where you show up and like, oh, here's your instructional video, now get to [expletive] work. So it's gonna be like that, where it's like pull the big red cord and then survive. And we go from there. That's all the training you get. And then so in my mind, it's a big blocked-off area. So in Japan, like uh around Mount Fuji, like where it's still woods and stuff, kind of deal, you know, they have to land in there and it's all blocked off. And whatever you want to do, like we can give them weapons if you want to give them weapons.

If not, then like uh what do you use in the military? Pugle sticks. I can give them a bunch of pugle sticks, I don't give a [expletive], paintball guns, whatever you want to make it use your friends.

Once they've already landed from [expletive] jumping out of a plane, like they're already fine now.

Yeah, so now just but then have I want loot caches around, you know, to help them out.

So 100, you you literally do just want like like Fortnite. Yes.

Or uh I play a lot of Apex Legends with my brother, so something like that.

I mean, I'd be okay with it, right?

I'd be alright. I think this is like this is what we need. This is the future, this is where it's going, and then all the countries have to compete all at the same time. Yep, that's why like everyone will be watching it, be like, oh, what country's gonna come out on time?

Like in general, it just needs to be on an island too. Yeah, just like regardless of where it is, like, or some kind of like super remote location. Yep.

And then after a while, we jazz it up and release the jaguars, you know, and now we're combining events.

I don't I see I like whoever organizes the Olympic, the Olympic committee, I think we put a lot of good ideas out today. I think so too. A lot of good ideas, right?

We are expecting some kit back kickbacks from uh this Nat One Presents Olympic episode.

So or at least let me be like the one that releases the Jaguar. Yeah, I think that would be totally worth it. And we get all access pass to all the events and we get to do the coverage. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fantastic.

We can be commentators and stuff, and then people might actually watch our channel. Please. Somebody please watch this show.

Tell your friends. We do you have friends? Are we your only friends? Are you that sad? You have friends. Tell us.

Is there anyone there behind the camera? Are we even talking to somebody?

Chris, where are you, Chris?

Chris, he's not here. Oh god. Well, I think uh yeah, so I think we can get this worked out four years, have this all uh instated by next year. Uh go ahead and leave us a comment if you'd like to volunteer for the Battle Royale event. Or do you have your own event? Yeah, you have your own event? Let us know. What did we miss? What events are missing?

Mom, what do you think? You're the only one who leaves a [expletive] comment. Number one fan, mom, left most comment so far, I think. She's winning. Kyle, where'd you go? Where do you come from? Where do you go? Cotton Eye Joe.

Cotton I Joe. What's going on? Kyle, do you even listen anymore?

Yeah, are you still there? I know you got a promotion and stuff, but are you there? I mean, that's cool, and I'm excited for you.

But like, and like you don't have to be the number one fan all the time, but you [expletive] you fell off the face of the earth. Like, come back.

Let us know you're there. Miss you. Yeah. We miss you.

I could see you, but yeah, I mean, no, but all right. Uh we will be back next week with uh maybe some childhood favorite TV shows. Ooh, yeah. Something like that.

Yep, stick to the 90s.

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