D&D Deathmatch | Beastmaster Vs Ring Master

You're about to listen to the first experimental season of our show, formerly called Nat One Presents the Podcast. For better audio quality and our current ongoing DD campaign, skip ahead to season two featuring the Daft Monks. On this episode of Nat One Presents. Thank you, Bernard. Now, inside of this sack, ladies and gentlemen, R7 I Count You Seven Baby Seals. Now, Bernard, club me, please. Oh no, no, no.

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Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents, the podcast. Today is another episode of DD Deathmatch. Today it will be Beastmaster versus Ringmaster. But before we begin, um, welcome back to the show, mate. Thanks, mate. It's uh new year, new me. Ooh, I like that. Uh feels good to be doing another DD Deathmatch, I think, by far our strongest of uh content we have here at Nat One Presents. Don't you feel like that?

Absolutely. We call ourselves Nat One, but we definitely have been dabbling in the pop culture and non-roleplay area sometimes. Or so I'm excited to get back to our roots here and play a little DD.

Oh, me too. Uh for the year of 2-0-201, what do you feel like DD Death Bratch is gonna bring to Nat 1 presents? Like, what do you feel like some of the characters that might appear this year, this season?

I think you're gonna see a new level of polish and what that's gonna bring character-wise. Um, we're not gonna be so uh by the book anymore, you know? Like Trevor Belmont, Van Helsing, we wanted two people and like the same histories. Not today, master versus master, and we'll go into it more. I won't spoil it for you, but we're gonna have more fun with our deathmatch, and maybe some of these characters are fictional, some of these characters maybe will be totally made up. And that's uh that's a little bit more our style. So I think deathmat will for for a year that literally says 2020 W O N, like 2021, it beat us.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this year we're gonna we're gonna take some liberties, I think.

I love it. And uh for all of you at home listening, uh feel free to comment and let us know on any of our socials or if you're uh patron. Like let us know, and then we might be able to bring your character here to DD Deathmatch if we like your idea and it doesn't stink.

Yeah, absolutely. We want that feedback and we want that uh we want to integrate you in our show for sure.

And uh big news here that I'm reading on one of our bullet points, because we know how good I am at bullet points. We have hit 100 followers on our gram.

Woo!

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Awesome. All right, so Master versus Master. Do you you want to break it to him? Who who is role-playing or who's battling today?

Okay. To to break it down to you guys at home, we decided to do Beastmaster versus a random ringmaster. Like from the circus, you know, like animal tamer.

This is not any actual person in pop culture. This is just a random guy. Made up guy.

Yep. And then uh the Beastmaster, uh, Nate is actually going to be playing the Beastmaster, and I will be playing the Ringmaster. Where did you get what inspiration did you draw from for the Beastmaster, Nate? Because that is actual character.

Yeah, so I'm gonna be totally transparent with our audience because we like to just, you know, tell you guys the cold hard facts here. How it is. Nate pitched Beastmaster, and to be totally honest, I had heard of the Beastmaster, but so it I was born in 1990, the show came in 1991, the movie was 1984, I researched all this last night. I wasn't I I didn't end up watching this. Like it seems like the movie came out around the same time as Conan and a couple of other kind of that there was like a big thing. It was like the sword and sorcery type genre. The loincloth adventures, if you will. Yeah, I'm all about that. Um, and then the show, which was around 1999, was like the Xena, Hercules, whatever.

So Beastmaster was basically always this sword and sorcery, like either movie or episodes that was out around the same time as other stuff, but never quite as good, right? Like it was awful. Most people, if I'm like, oh, did you do you know who Xena is? They're like, Yeah, I don't know. Like they know who Xena is. But if I'm like, oh, you watch Beastmaster, they'll be like, what? Um, so anyway, for those of you who don't know, I did my research last night. He's just um his whole shtick, if you want to say that, is that he can talk to animals and he he I read like the first thing I read was like a Wikipedia description, and it was like fights for the people and animals.

So he's like one of the first, maybe like pseudo-druids, maybe, you know, right.

It's kind of awful choice.

And again, not a good implementation. Um, so yeah, he fights with like a it depends. Like in the movie, he has like boomerang in the show with more of a spear, so I'm gonna be using a spear today. But he just yeah, he fights alongside his animal friends and protects the people and the animals uh in like a loincloth. Um I love it because I pitched it. Yeah, so that is a real show, and then ringmaster is just totally out of Nate's bizarre mind. Just thought that would be hilarious. Mostly just because they both have the word ringmaster or master. Master. And I guess also they deal with animals. Yes, right.

So I figured, you know, they go together a lot like peanut butter and jelly. And then uh for my ringmaster idea, for those of you familiar with our show, he is going to be um an employee of Corporation Corporate. And this will be uh Corporation Corporate Circus that he is working at for a little bit of a groundwork there for the the thing.

That really kind of fits the whole because you know how like um circus circus is like a thing, and like they they tend to like have a lot of the same words like in like circus titles. So corporation corporate circus, like pretty on par with actual circles.

You go into CCC tonight and be like, oh, what's CCC? Like, you don't know about CCC corporation corporate circus. Oh, they're in town? Wow, yeah, it costs twenty dollars for a small soda. It's a great time for everybody. Bring your kids, yeah.

Okay, all right. So, um, of course, as always with DD Deathmatch, we always do like a roleplay. We like to really feel our characters' roots, like feel their oats a little bit, as it were. Um, so we we're gonna do a roleplay scenario. We never um at most we're like, hey, is it like at a bar? And we're like, yeah, and then we just go. So we don't put a lot of, it's not scripted, uh, we just roleplay. Um and then after that we jump into the actual, the actual uh PvP match uh abiding by Dungeons and Dragon rules by the ready to start then? I am ready to start. What scenario do we agree upon?

Uh this will be starting here at the the center ring, if you will, of Corporation Corporate Circus. I will be the ringmaster. I have around several animals around me, and there's like a pit with some lions in it off to the side and [expletive]. And I'm getting ready to go on to like act number two of the show when a certain beastmaster comes walking in. I bet he didn't even buy a [expletive] ticket.

Well, first of all, no one ever pays me. So uh yeah, okay, so I walk in and uh I was maybe on uh quest and someone told me that my animal friends were in danger and to check out the circus. And so uh I arrive and I I kind of come in and I'm like, what the hell is this? All right, here we go.

Attention, ladies and gentlemen. Now for the second part of the show, I will be clubbing several baby seals. You, sir, in the back, do you have a problem with Corporation Corporate Circus?

Uh, you know, uh I'm just here to observe uh on behalf of my animal friends who don't have a lot of good things to say about the circus. But I'm sure you're not literally clubbing the animals, so I will um I will take my time to just sit here and observe for the time being.

Very well. Uh please take a seat and try not to interrupt again. Thank you. Now, Bernard, if you will, bring out the bag of baby seals and the case of clubs.

Oh, wait, what?

Don't worry about it. It's all part of the show. And then like some like It's all mirrors, right?

Yeah, like I turn, the Beastmaster turns, he's next to like some like two like like women, and he's like, they're not really gonna club the animals, right? And they're like, Oh, is this your first time at the circus? And he's like, Yeah. He's like, Oh, just watch, you're gonna love it.

So I think Bernard, like a circus clown kind of guy, like big old hairy forearms and stuff, kind of gruff, like cigar in his mouth, coming over with like a burlap sack, and it's like moving around a little bit, and like it moves around a little too much. So he's like, kicks the sack. Whoa. And then uh he brings it over and like, thank you, Bernard. Now, inside of this sack, ladies and gentlemen, all seven, I count you seven baby seals. Now, Bernard, club me, please.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm gonna have to interfere on behalf of my animals. Uh, I'm Beastmaster, I can talk to animals. Um, they've spoken to me, and there is fear, there is suffering, and nobody should be comfortable paying money to watch this or even watching it for free. This is not okay. I will not let this happen.

Yes, sir. That is on the brochure when you enter the circus. All of that is written down on Corporation Corporate Circus.

I don't care what you put on your pamphlet. I am liberating these animals. Everybody out. This is between me and the ringmaster.

Sir, please, ladies and gentlemen, please keep your seats. The show will be. Nobody actually got up. The show will continue as soon as this crazy person leaves the premises. Security, please, Bernard, do something about this fellow who loves animals. Disgusting, by the way.

As that happens, my panther's gonna like enter in. So, like, maybe Bernard come Bernard comes up to me, but my panther's gonna come in and like growl at him and be like, and uh, maybe Bernard is like, they don't pay me enough of this [expletive].

And he just walks away. I see the panther, and I'm thinking, like, man, I gotta have me one of those. And I snap my fingers, Bill, Bill. And then my imp appears off to the side. Bill, we need that panther.

Is this like when you say imp, is this just like uh what is this? Like a little like a little or is this like an actual like mythical imp?

Yeah, it's like a little tiny demon-looking guy. Okay.

Imp.

You know, like have you seen uh what's the show? Uh I can't think of it now. The gate. I think it's called. No, it's the gate, you know, where he opens a portal to hell in his house and like all these little demons come out. Like it looks kind of like that. All right, so it is this like mythical demon thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he like looks menacing, you know.

Like he doesn't really talk to me, he just goes, like that. Like, gotcha. Okay. Panthera, watch yourself. There is dark magic afoot.

No dark magic here, friend, at Corporation Corporate Circus. Only fun times for all. Ladies and gentlemen, please have your seats. Me and me and Bill will capture this Panther and give him a good clubbing.

Panthera, I absolutely promise you that will not happen. Uh we will let us let us ascend or descend into the arena and we'll climb down.

Sir, please remain seated. There's no reason to get out of your of the stands to come battle me. I am a good natured fellow and lover of animals just like yourself.

Panthera, go! And Panthera's gonna like jump and like with its mouth grab the club out of your hand, which you are about to like, because you were talking, you're like kind of winding up. And Panthera, like, grab the club and like move past you and then kind of come back.

Dah, you damn devil cat! Get back here and get in a cage so I can club you with that club you stole from me.

Animals are not meant to be the cage, they are friends and they are part of this world that we share together.

Obviously, you haven't read the welcome intro to Corporation Corporate. Animals are for entertainment purposes and study alike. Um, so here at Corporation Corporate Circus, the animals are in fact for beating. So um you and just leave your Panther here. It's a beautiful Panther, by the way. I can't wait to make him a rug later. How dare you, Panther, like grrr, like off to you.

Um Panther's not feeling it, and so uh I am gonna I'm gonna cut you off, Ring Master. I don't care who you work for, organization organ donor, uh, we are not gonna let this happen. This ends here and now. Either step aside and release your animals, including that bag of baby seals, or face the consequence. I am not prone to violence, but if I must, Panther and I will deal with it.

There's nothing you can do to me. I have legal protection from Corporation Corporate. I can do whatever I want with this bag of seals. Bag of seals? And then I'll just like throw it down on the ground to start stepping on it. Oh my god. No! And Bill's in the back, like now. What are you gonna do about that loincloth man with your black cat?

And so I'm going to Pandera, be ready. And like Pandera like kind of like uh tenses up, and then I'm gonna like whistle to I have um some spells in DD. I'm not gonna get into that yet because we're not yet uh doing the deathmatch, but I'm gonna like and like call like a bird down and be like, call the others, like reinforcements, like there is work to be done here, and then like and then like the bird like flies away to go like uh message maybe some other son of a [expletive].

What kind of black magic is this? You can talk to these creatures, they don't even have an intelligence score worthy of noting down on a piece of paper for stats.

It's not just about intelligence score, it's about heart, which probably relates to charisma scores too.

Yes, that dove you called has a very tiny heart, and you take it out, and then you wrap the dove in bacon, and then it makes a very delightful snack. You need at least 15 of them.

And like while you're doing that, like Bill maybe like got a like a crossbow ready, and then just like shaking as the bird's about to fly out of the tent, he just shoots it, and then it just like it drops. It like again it like drops in the audience, and then they're like, Woo! And they like they like it's like a baseball, like they're like grabbing it and like pulling it, like, hey, I want it.

I got it, I got it. Like the little kid's like, oh, here you go, turns around and gives it to a little girl behind you. Like, oh, that's the sweetest thing. Watch that again on Corporation Corporate's cam.

And then he shows Oh the kill cam.

Instead of the kiss cam.

Corporation corporate kill cam. Now, sir, if you please do not exit my circus arena, you will be next on the kill cam. I guarantee it. Is that a threat? No, sir. A threat would, you know, they're usually empty, and people say them when they have no intention of backing them up, but I fully planned on killing you and then giving your panther the corporation corporate treatment, meaning I'm gonna turn him into a lullable jacket that I'll wear on a nice Wednesday evening when I'm not with okay.

I will never let you do that. I'm gonna turn and try to like like uh speak to the audience and and really try to like impassion them with you know with feeling like these animals, you know, sure they're entertaining, they're cute, they're funny, they're giant, they're exotic, but listen, they are our friends, they share this planet with us. You're your pet at home. Some of you have cats, dogs, parakeets. Uh let listen, would you want those animals beaten, lit on fire, shot out of cannons? No. Hells yeah, I would where is the circus again, by the way?

I don't know. I'm picturing it really like a redneck audience.

Like, yeah, kill some animals. Don't listen to this guy. Yeah.

It's like, uh uh, never mind. I'll I'll deal with this myself.

Hurry up before my mullet grows out.

Alright, Ringmaster. It seems I have no choice. The people are on my side, you have the advantage here, but it matters not. Me and Panthera have taken down sorcerers and far worse enemies than you. So when you look back over, Bill is like teleported over by Panthera and is like measuring him for like the coat and [expletive].

He's like looking back at me and giving me like the okay sign. Like, yeah, he's gonna work great. I'm like, thank you, Bill. Panthera be on guard. Alright, if it must come down to a test of might for you to exit my circus and me to acquire your beautiful panther that will make a nice set of slippers for the morning, then it must come down to that. Um, we're just gonna fight right here in the arena? You want me to kill you now? Or how how are we going about this?

How about a wager, Ringmaster? Ooh, okay. You who deals in the art of uh entertainment and and mystery, uh, how about you take a gamble? Uh if I lose, you can make a rug out of Panthera. And Panthera's like, like, like the fun. And then I'm like, but if we win, you denounce Corporation Corporate and release all the animals in your custody.

That sounds like a very fair gamble, my good sir. Um, should we bind it up legally on a contract or just do the old shake hands?

I just like spit on my hand, or like cut like a like thing on my hand and like go to shake.

Uh I reach over and like Bill cuts his hand and then like wipes the blood in my hand, and then like I'm gonna uh use a bonus action or whatever to cast a speak with animals, and as I'm shaking your hand, I'm gonna talk to your panther and be like, you're gonna be a [expletive] rug. You're like rah-r-r-r-rust. But I'm sure you understand it too. Gotcha. You monster. Very well, let's settle this. Bill, prepare for battle. You do all the work anyways around here.

Okay. Um can we say also, like, I know you're the ringmaster, but though, like some other announcer will come in and be like, and this is gonna. What was the guy's name before?

Barnaby. The hairy guy with the knuckles.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Barnaby and the clown.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, he uh climbs up to the stands. He's like, Oh, attention, ladies and gentlemen, this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, it'll be the ringmaster versus Beastmaster. And there the crowd's like, yeah, who is Beastmaster?

Is he like Xena? No, he's not a lesbian. Yeah, [expletive] that guy.

Alright, let's get ready to rumble. Okay, and to start off, I think we should roll initiative, Nate. Yes, sir. Is that the only D20 we got around here? No, we got a bunch of D20s, Nate.

Come on. Oh, sorry. Okay, thank you. It's gonna be a 14 for me.

Uh 16 plus 2, 18. You got it. Alright. So, first thing first, I'm gonna bonus action hex you. Oh, I know. What is this dark magic? It's called Corporation Corporate, and we drain the life force out of you. And then Bill, do something. Attack that man. I'm over here entertaining in the crowd. I can't be expected to battle him the entire time. Bill!

Woo!

And then Bill's gonna run up and uh attack you with his little stinger tail. And that's gonna be a 15 plus five. Yeah, that hits. Okie doke. And then we'll roll that. So let's do a four plus three. So seven points of damage. Oh, and then my hex is gonna be a one. So eight points total of damage to you. I can fit the darkness of corporation flowing through me. Uh yes, let the weight of corporation corporate bear down on you.

Okay, uh, so that brings me down to 31 hit points. Uh, you're gonna do anything else on your turn? Nope, that'll be it. Okay, so then I am uh so I I have mounted now Panthera, sorry, I'm now sitting atop my Panther, and I've like Panther, Panthera, help me. We must defeat this foe. So uh I'm going to uh use my first attack, and I have advantage uh right now um because Panthera is not gonna take an attack, instead he's gonna help me try to hit. So the first one's gonna be a miss, but second one will hit, right? Uh does an 18 hit? Yes, 18 does hit. Awesome. Okay, so that'll be a hit. So that is going to be one d6 plus two. Um so that's gonna be six damage. Um, okay.

Six damage, that brings me down to 30 hit points remaining.

Um and that will be it. I use both my uh my attacks on that one. I get uh all right now as a ranger I have extra attacks, so I get to do two attacks. Okay. And then normally as a beastmaster, I could have the animal do something, but I had him help me, so I had advantage instead. Okay. Sounds like planning. All right, go ahead.

Uh Um okay. Bill, attack him again. Here at Corporation Corporate, we let our animals do the attacking for us. And that is going to be a Wombum Plus. Does eight hit you? Uh no. Oh, shenanigans.

You Bill! You piece of [expletive], Bill, you can't even do that right.

And Therra like leaps out of the way as he tries to attack, and like, haha, I have faced many a demon, and you will not lay another scratch on me, monster.

Gah, okay, bonus action, uh, maddening hex. And you're gonna automatically take my charisma damage. So that'd be three points. And then from my other hex I got on you, that'd be another three. So six points of damage.

Ooh, okay. Alright. I'm down to 22 damage already. That was very fast. Um, okay. Oh, and for our viewers, we are both level five, just so you know. We we bounce around sometimes. We've done level 15, we've done level 10. Today we have level five.

It was supposed to be level 10, and I [expletive] up.

Okay, he totally [expletive] it up. It was my fault. So I brought it down to five just to make it possible.

So it's gonna be a little fast, so that's why we're trying to throw in a little bit more role play for you. But I'm sorry. Okay, that's entirely my fault. We even talked about it before I made the character sheet. Like, hey, what level should we do? Hey, let's do level 10. Okay, no problem. And then I proceed to make a level five character. So there we go with that.

Where are we at? Wow, that was a lot of area there. Okay, it's just a dollar. It is. It's just a so it's my turn. Um, so I am going to this time, I'm gonna try to hit uh um I'm gonna try to hit um what's your guy's name? Bill? Bill. Yeah, yeah. Demon, I will take you down so that your ringmaster has to pony up. Um so I'll do my first one. And that's gonna hit. Um so that is a d6 plus two. So that is gonna be three damage. Oh, not Bill. Bill, you need to get it together, Bill! And I'm going to do my second attack. And that is gonna be a miss. And then I'm going to do my third attack. Third attack will hit you.

Uh so another D6 plus two. Uh, and that is gonna be seven damage.

Oh no.

Bill's down. Uh, okay.

Bill, you inconsiderate imp How dare you! Here at Corporation Corporate Bill, you're gonna have to go through another training set. Bill! Bill, are you even listening to me, Bill? Bill? Bill!

Your monster has fallen, just like you'll fall, Ringmaster. When your corporation is built on lies and distrust, nobody will be able to follow you or lead you to victory. Uh, and then before my turn ends, Panther and I, we've just been kind of like spawning at you from like within five feet. We're gonna bag up 20 feet and kind of like get ready.

Oh, son of a [expletive]. Okay, here at Corporation Corporate, every ringmaster at Corporation Corporate Circus is given a token. Um, they only have to sell their soul for said token. And here is mine, and I pull out like a little, I don't know, [expletive] tin can looking [expletive] piece of thing with corporation corporate logo on it. And then I point it at the bear, and I'm like, you there, bear! Aid me! And then so uh I kind of like can cast my spells through the bear now. So um I'm going to be a seven plus six, uh, thirteen. I'm gonna aim for your panther to Eltrix Blast. Thirteen uh is gonna hit. Okay, that Panther will be mine. And that is going to be a four, just four damage to Panther.

And that's gonna end the Ringmasters too.

Okay, uh my Panther has low AC, low health too, so already he's down to about nine hit points. So Panther's like, and like don't worry, little buddy, and I pet him. Like, we're gonna take him down. Um now, Panther, use your best attack. Pumps! And so you're a Pokemon Panthera, go do a thunderbolt. Um uh you have to make a DC12 strength throw. Oh, okay. Um it's gonna be a 17 plus okay. It was 12. Okay, you passed. We get it, we get it. All right. Uh so I go to pounce, and what that means is uh two things. Uh I'm trying to knock you prone. You passed, so you did not knock prone, but I still get to do my claw attack.

So I'm gonna go ahead and do my claw, and that is a nat 20, my friend. So that how were you doing nat 20? I know it can vary by some people. You get full damage for your first one, and then I'll actually roll for the second one. So you're already getting a it's a D6, so you're getting six plus another six, and then it's a plus two. So that's gonna be a total of 14 damage. Um, and that is just Panthera, and now I still get to make my attacks, so I don't get to make it a disadvantage an advantage, but going to miss, and then what is it? Second net 20. Okay, so same thing. Uh, it is a d6, so six automatic damage, another six, another two. That is another 14 damage.

Uh, so now I just basically like so this whole hot encounter basically, I like backed up, leapt at you, you kind of dodged out of the way, but then I slashed or then pent there are a bit I think I did claw, right? Um what did I do?

Yeah, you did pounce and claw.

I oh yeah, I actually did claw. So he he like mauls you, and then I'm like, good job, Pandera, and then I like take a second swing, you kind of stumble out of the way, but then I get you back with like a final like a second second swing. I'm like, ha! Ringmaster, you have no chance here.

Holy crap.

You are highly outmatched with Pandera by my s Pandera by my side. You can't defeat me.

I am looking rough as [expletive]. I'm down with two hit points right now. Hip corporation corporate. Hold on one second. I like opened up my jacket pocket, like in case of emergency cast this spell. Like, okay. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, one second, sir. You and your panther just need to wait one second.

While you're doing that, I'm gonna say that like I actually like got a couple cheers out of my attack, and I'm like, is this what you wanna see? Is this it? Then cheer! Are you not entertained?

Are you not entertained? Oh, very well, okay. No, I know what I'm doing now.

I'm going to cast the spell sleep on you. Um then I'm gonna cast sleep. And that's gonna be uh 11d8. And uh how sleep works. I make a bunch of hit points, and then uh with those hit points I can see uh if I can how who I can make fall asleep by matching their hit points kind of deal.

Well, yeah, and he has to start with Panther because he has less hit points. Right. So very likely they'll at least sleep the Panther. Okay, so that's gonna put me uh uh 53. Oh, more than enough. So not only, I think total nine hit points for a panther plus uh what's that? Uh 22 for me. So you only need 29. So you put both of us asleep. So Panther, Panther, no. And I kind of doze off and kind of like just tumble off of him. Beautiful. Panther just like rolls on its back.

Ooh, I kind of want to go scratch his tummy. But sleep, so I can't. So here at corporation, corporate, what we do with these wild animals who try to attack us is we put them in cages, and then later on, when they wake up, we beat them without mercy. So I'm gonna like just walk off to the side and grab like a cage that uh Bill kind of measured out from earlier, and then I'm like dragging it over to you. And then like I live. Somehow does not wake me up. And then the crowd, like, ah, get her dun. And then like I lift up the cage and I lay it over the top of Pantera. And then I'm like, okay, all right. That was a lot of work.

Now time to finish off loincloth boy. And with that, I kind of like walk over to you and like strip my stuff. I'm like entertaining the crowd a little bit, like giving them the finger points and stuff, and like tipping my hat to them and stuff, and whipping my whip around. Woohoo! Yeah, really making a show out of them. Have my babies. Oh, very well. After the show, I will have all of your babies. Because the Ed Corporation Corporate, what this world needs is more humans and less animals. And then I uh kind of straddle you while you're sleeping, and I kind of like finger gun right to your face, like you hawk a show. And I'm gonna cast uh Electric's blast right in your point blank.

And that's the uh 11 plus six, so 17 is gonna hit. Yeah, and then oh, finally [expletive] max damage on and die, 10 points of damage to your face.

Um alright. Wow, that is a lot of damage. I am not looking good. That does wake me up, um, though Panthera stays asleep because he was not hit. So it's just me now. So uh oh, what happened, Ringmaster? What sorcery is this?

It's Corporation Corporate, the finest corporation corporate in the world. You monsters. What did you do with Panthera? Panthera!

So we're just in the cage. Ugh. I wake him up, but he is now I can't get him out of the cage. Um, even though you were able to somehow drag this cage, I don't seem able to kind of release him. So I'm going to uh I'm looking actually pretty beat up right now, surprisingly. So I'm going to uh with the power of Gaia and animals with my side, nothing can stop me. And uh as a ranger, I do have some some uh healing spells, so I'm gonna cure wounds on myself. Um so that is 1d8 plus 3. Uh take one of these guys. Perfect. Uh it's an eight plus three, so I'm gonna get 11 health back.

So I actually got a little bit more back than your point blank to the face elders blast.

This guy's been maxing out his dice all day. Almost all of them. It's crazy. Well, I'm just glad Beastmaster can win at something since his movie was [expletive] awful. It was awful. You have crossed the line, sir. Well, are does Ringmaster even have a movie? Yeah, it's corporation corporate. I call up a bunch of baby seals, and then people want to work for me.

Whatever, greatest showman. Um okay. Well, Care Wounds is all I could do for my turn, so it is actually your turn.

All right. I don't really have I didn't take any healing or anything, and I'm down with two hit points still. I know. Because corporation corporate.

You have to make this count because if you cannot ensnare me, um, you probably will die. All right, here's my here's my thinking behind this.

I can cast one more spell.

Okay.

And then I think I'm gonna do puppet spell, and I'm gonna try to take control of your mind and make you walk into the lion's den. Oh, here at Corporation Corporate, we do not feed our lions. Oh no, sir. They are starving, and they'll eat anything we give them, and I mean anything. So with a puppet, uh, you have to make a save. So that's just gonna be a constitution save against a 14 for my advice. What's the number you make? 14, yes, my saving throw.

14. God damn it. Who's that? If we tie, it goes to the defender. I knew the defender. I know you knew the answer.

Okay, so uh a badly heard corporation corporate. That was a waste of a turn, and now I'm just standing there with my pants down.

Hmm. Yes. Well, it's time I finish this for Panthera, for the lion, for all of us. And I'm going to I have two attacks. My first one. Oh, miss you slippery fiend.

Oh, there you go, corporation corporate.

I got one more. Come on, two hit points. I can I can eat two hit points. I would hope you could hit me for two hit points. And that is a hit. Um, so I can tell you right now I have a plus two damage on top of what I roll, so you are dead, my friend. No! Uh, and it's a total six anyway. So you are I slash you down, and then I'm gonna say, This, this is barbaric and inhumane. You don't even feed the lions. Well, you know what? Today they're gonna eat. I'm gonna get on top of the cage and like lift up the thing and be like, Go, Leon! Take what is yours. How did you know his name?

I can talk to animals. Oh, I must have forgot at some point. Leon, please, corporation corporate has done nothing but treat you with the utmost respect. Oh my god!

Please start biting your leg and dragging you in the back.

Please, Crowd! You love Corporation Corporate, do something!

And Barnaby's just in the back, like smoking. Just like making like direct eye contact, but not doing it.

Damn devil clown, you'll be fired for this someday. Crowd, please help no, don't worry, ladies and gentlemen.

I still intend to put on a show for you. Panthera, walk on your feet. And like Panthera like gets up and just like does like some hops, and there's just like some like booze, and like, this is the circus. This is the the show you've been waiting to see.

Whoa, we want to see animal murder.

And then I think I think with that, um, I'm gonna like call in like another bird. And then this time, like a giant like a bunch of vultures just like come in and start like pecking at the crowd and be like, you're all terrible, and I hope you die. Animals for the win.

How dare you!

How dare you?

Oh man.

There's Greta there.

The druid. Greta the Druid.

How dare you?

Um, I think that uh wraps up our DD Deathmatch episode for today.

Uh to summarize, we had a we had a fan say that um our listeners say that we were so wild that we should probably sum up what actually happened. Yes. Um so it was Ringmaster, Corporation, Corporate, Ringmaster versus Beastmaster, kind of underrated, uh not cool version of Hercules uh that talks to animals. They went to toe-to-toe. You did get me pretty low. You the lowest you had me at HP was 10. Um, but you do get to go first, so you kind of had the advantage. Yep. Um, but it didn't matter between me and my pet. We were able to take down your imp and your spells didn't work. Uh your corporate magic did not was not effective.

And at the end, I was able to uh kind of just beat you in in close combat. And uh yeah, and then uh you are presumably eaten by a lion.

Yep. And then uh for those of you at home keeping track, this is a Nate has won three DD deat matches in a row, and I have won zero.

You know, we'll have to let uh see it now, viewers. Only two of these can be found after we upload this to Patreon. We actually uh one of our very first sessions was Haze vs. Zeus.

Oh, yes.

And it is actually so we have that available to uh our our tier uh our Patreon users if at a certain tier. So if you want to see the unaired Haze versus Zeus, which by the way is a real gem. The only reason we're not airing it is because it was our very first microphones. You can hear a little feedback and the quality's not the quality you've come to love from Nat One Presents. But uh that being said, a really funny sustain, and you can check out, you can see why I have uh currently three wins under my belt. Even though that one you kind of gave to me, but facts are the facts, you know.

Like it's just what it is. And uh so that's gonna do it for DD Deathmatch. So uh feel free to go subscribe to our podcast, subscribe to our other social media channels, leave us reviews, talk to us, let us know what you want. Like I said, if you let us know, we will try to make the characters that you want to see in this. Everyone wants to see Druid Greta. I know that, but I don't think it's gonna happen. But you gotta say it. I want you to say it. Yeah, maybe it will happen. And then it'll be a whole episode of How dare you dare you!

How dare you!

And be like, how's your meal?

How dare you!

It'll not be a great episode, but you'll have asked for it and that's what you'll get. And that's that's what comes. Uh so just engage with us, whether whether you join our Patreon, it's just a dollar. Just a dollar. Um, or whether or not you follow us social media. Again, pretty much all of our handles. You can go to net1presents.com or Instagram.com slash networkents, any social media channel slash networkents. Um, check us out. We really want to hear from you. We want you to be a part of our community, and we want to get to know the people who are listening. So, and then if you are listening to our podcast, please leave a review or give us a rating.

Um, we actually we got our first review, which hopefully at some point we'll be able to share with you guys and hopefully share some more. We're actually gonna read them on the show um as credit thrown more.

So you guys are awful. How dare you make a podcast? I can't believe the atrocity that is coming down the DD community. How dare you!

And that's gonna be it. Thanks for listening. Have a good day. Bye.