PTSD&D | Ms. Frizzle's Fieldtrips
Edited audio transcript

Edited from an automatic transcription of the original recording. Strong language is masked; selected personal asides and adult material are marked [Editorial omission.]. Transcription errors may remain, especially in names and lyrics. Timestamps come from the source; paragraphs split for readability can share a timestamp. The original recording contains adult language and themes. Announcements and offers reflect the recording date.
Source: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2187585/episodes/9468696-ptsd-d-ms-frizzle-s-fieldtrips.mp3

[0:00] You're about to listen to the first experimental season of our show, formerly called Nat One Presents the Podcast. For better audio quality and our current ongoing DD campaign, skip ahead to season two featuring the Daft Monks on this episode of Nat One Presents.

[0:17] And then she found a homeless guy and she hit him with the van, right? She just ran him over, and then she got out and she's like, okay, everyone, we're gonna shrink down and get in this guy's body.

[0:33] Adventure, heartwarming stories, role-playing that could only be seen by the gods. Here at Nat One Presents, you get all that and more. Now join us as we start another epic tale of con.

[0:50] Just kidding. This is Nat One Presents, a tabletop role-playing game podcast that takes your favorite nerdy games and pop culture icons and ruins them with improv. Hello and welcome back to Nat One Presents. Here we are, Nate. It is uh still 2021 and I'm still not over it. Um, but we're here to talk about some great things today, Nate. What kind of great things? Um, well, for one, uh, we are now featured. We are a podcast that plays on the Geek Life Radio. Ooh. Ooh, that's exciting.

[1:21] Have you heard of Geek Life Radio?

[1:22] I have, but I would like you to tell me more about it, Nate. Excellent. Geek Life Radio plays 24-hour podcasts and music that are just basically nerdcore. Um, so they could be like business uh nerd podcasts, or they could be um just popular bands, like geek bands. I forgot, like uh Brento Floss or like stuff like that. They'll play all kinds of like MC Chris or something like that. Exactly, exactly, exactly. Um, and then podcasts. So we actually have a time slot from 2 to 3 p.m. Central Time on Mondays. So if you want to, if you're not already listening to us or if you want to listen to Geek Life Radio and encounter us again, uh, if you want, Monday afternoons, uh check us out. Um, but also just just check out that site.

[1:22] It's uh it's pretty cool. Um, it's constantly changing. I think they've they've done a soft launch and and we'll be continuing to make some updates. Um, and if you have your own nerd podcast and want to be featured, I think they're still taking submissions, so check it out. That would be geekliferadio.com. Uh so I had a question for you. Really important. Okay, go ahead. I'm listening. What Hogwarts House are you? Well, if you couldn't tell, I'm Slytherin for sure. No way, green and silver all the way. I'll be honest. I could I can see it. Okay, but I also thought that you were maybe Gryffindor. You think like I have that kind of like paladin ish personality?

[1:22] You've got that like like adventure, like just like good, like you know, you're just a good guy, you know. Right. Truth be told, I I am a good person. Like, not to like toot my own horn or anything, but if I was a wizard or given some kind of power, like I would turn evil so fast. Like, there's been so many times I wished I was Magneto driving on the highway, and like someone like cuts me off or something. I wish I could just crumble up their car, yeah, like a tin can and just throw it in the desert, you know? Yeah, I can see that. Um, fair enough. Did you before you ever took your first quiz? What did you think you were?

[1:22] Uh, when I took my first one, I was like, I'm probably gonna be Gryffindor, you know? And then I came back Slytherin, and then like that was like eye-opening for me. Yeah. Like, okay, this is who I am now. So what do you think I am, Nate? Ooh, I was torn on the fence. Like, I was thinking, like, it could be a Ravenclaw because Nate's like a pretty smart guy, you know. Like, he handles all the important stuff here at Nat One Presents. The minute the show ends, I do all of the work and Nate goes to bed or makes a sandwich. I go back in uh to my recharging station and download new pop culture references I can throw out next week or work on different funny voices.

[1:22] Everything else is all on uh Nate's hand. So I was thinking Ravenclaw, but also at the same token, I could also see him being a Slytherin. Because if it comes down to it, I see him like pushing down a little kid and like give him your kid. That's right. To promote net one, I would push down someone's children. I would push down your children. That's I push them down all the time. That's fine. They're used to it at this point. I am in fact a Slytherin. I remember when I took the test, I thought I'd be Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, and I got Slytherin and I was like upset. Like for like a day, I was just like beside myself.

[1:22] Like this thing's lying, like there's no way, and then I took like three different quizzes and they were like, oh no, you're you're for you're like 110% Slytherin. Like you were the head of House Slytherin. Um now I embrace it though, because I'm like, yeah, that's that's me. Right. Um and and now I've also I should have known because when I take other quizzes, I tend to be like the same things. Like um, have you ever taken uh like a Game of Thrones? Like what's your house? No, I haven't. Like I actually, being the nerd I am, like I don't watch Game of Thrones. No, like I didn't I didn't want to make that investment because there's so much into it.

[1:22] I know, and I'm the show's over now, so you can just watch the whole thing. Just the last season. Uh and I do have HBO Max and stuff, yeah. But like having little kids around the house, that's hard to like watch shows like that. Because I remember I watched the first episode, and it was like the dude banging his sister and then pushes a little kid out of a window or something. It's fine. It's fine. Corvin can't be a real teaching how the world works now. Is that how it still works? Um maybe in different countries, like Dracula. Fair enough. Where I was going is I took that quiz and I took someone who's like kind of I took I got like a house.

[1:22] There's there's a lot more houses in Game of Thrones, but I got I got uh for those of you that do watch, I got House uh Tyrell, um, which I thought was like very they're very like they are very rich, they like create like a lot of the farming and like production, they feed like most of like the country, and then like they have some of the most like badass deceptive characters in the show. Like there's like the queen of that house is this old sassy [expletive] woman who's just also behind like a lot of like the [expletive] that goes on, and she just like she will like say sh like shade, she will throw shade at like the king to his face in front of his people, like and it just anyway.

[1:22] There's a pattern and I I've come to terms now. I am a Slytherin and uh hi, my name is Nate Casimiron. I am a Slytherin. Um welcome, Nate. Thanks. Well, maybe I'll have to take the the house quiz and see because I'm not uh like that far into it, so I'm be more open to taking it and we'll let you guys know the results, you know. We'll let you know. You are the blank.

[6:28] Um, okay, so today we are going to hit back up some PTSD.

[6:33] Um, with the slight changes to the formula, but we, you know, Nate and I, this is just very regular. Nate and I will be texting like, what if, what do you think like this person does, or what do you think this character does? And that that's kind of always been the inspiration for PTSD is like, well, what are all these other people thinking that's going on in our favorite shows or universes? Um, so we're gonna hit that back up today. We got a few segments. Um, per usual, I am I just kind of play the doctor, uh, just talking through, helping them kind of trying to downplay whatever issues that they have, and then Nate's but like, oh no, but seriously, like this is messed up.

[6:33] Um, so today we we'll reveal it in a moment, but we we got a few bits in place. Um so what do we got going on for our first thing that we were talking about? Yeah, so I've always had it in my head. Did you ever watch the magic school bus? I watch the magic school bus all the time. I loved it. Huge fan. Huge fan. What made me think of it was the other day there was a meme of Miss, it's like a it's like a screenshot from the show of Miss Frizzle.

[6:33] That's the teacher's name, and she's on a bench doing a bench press, and it's like 485 pounds, and like the the meme is joking about how like she's definitely on the roids because she's not arching her back and like all the corrupt like the proper things for the form to do like a correct bench press. And so they were joking, and then so that reminded me about Miss Frizzle. But growing up, I always just kind of had it in my head that like she didn't actually work at the school. Oh, yeah, that she like was like a bus driver that just picked up the kids and then drove off on these crazy field trips, and then the parents or the principals always like, Have you seen Becky?

[6:33] And they're like, No, it's her again, isn't it? And like that kind of thing. So so that's what I wanted to for our first bit. I wanted to explore, like, what who the [expletive] is Miss Frizzle? I like it. What is she doing? Where is she going? Right? What are the people who work with her?

[8:23] What do they think?

[8:24] Right. Um, because it like the way it's set up on the program, like, is it even a real classroom? Like, it almost looks like it could be like a study hall or something where there's no real teacher there all the time, or like it's attention, and then like, because Miss Frizzle's always [expletive] late, you know? So she just shows up and she's like, ooh, okay, I got the same kids today. Everyone hop in my van. It's not even a full-size bus, you know, it's a little bus. Like, hop in there. We're gonna go do some cool shenanigans. And then the actual teacher's like, sorry, I'm late, guys. I'm like, oh no. Like the kids are gone again. Like, oh, nobody got detention today. Sweet, you know. I love it.

[8:24] All right, so um, we're gonna leave it up to you. I I I I threw it out to Nate. Like, maybe he's the principal, maybe he's a student. Do you think you know who you're you're gonna want to play? Who or do you want do you want to just jump into it and find out? Okay, I think I want to be a student. Okay. I think, yeah, let's start out with me being a student. All right, so uh, so here we go. Come in.

[9:23] Um, hi. Uh uh is this where we could talk about our feelings and whatnot?

[9:29] Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I I see you, I see you're new here. How old are you?

[9:32] Um, I I don't know whatever [expletive] grade they're in, man. Okay.

[9:37] Oh like fourth.

[9:39] Is it fourth? I don't know. Yeah, fourth, fifth, something like that, something where it's appropriate to learn about your body and stuff, but yeah, all right.

[9:47] Come in.

[9:48] No, you're in school right now. Yeah, but I snuck out. It turns out like the school I go to, nobody really watches the kids or anything until like it's too late, you know.

[9:57] That sounds really wait, wait, wait. Did you say it too late?

[10:02] Yeah, some weird stuff's been going on with my homeroom class, you know. Like, usually we just sit in there and do homework if we missed it over the night, and things have been happening really strange lately. Like this lady just appeared out of nowhere, and she's like, Come on, kids, come get my bus, you know. And well, like, let's really talk about it, okay? I'm gonna sit down.

[10:22] It's okay, yeah. Calm down. Okay, sorry. Sit back. Um, tell me more. All right, so in your clo your homeroom, your teacher, it's your teacher who comes in. No, she's she's not, she's just some lady who just showed up.

[10:35] She has like crazy hair and everything, and a wild look in her eye, and she always shows up at weird times. Like one time we were going over like our biology homework, and then one little girl was like, Hey, I wonder what the inside of our body really looks like. And then boom, this lady just kicks down the door, kind of like, oh yeah, you know, and she's like, Well, I can show you what the body looks like. Everyone get in my van.

[10:59] The body, all right.

[11:00] Wow. Well, um, well, I'm sure she's employed by the school, you know. Like you you guys sometimes have substitute teachers, right?

[11:08] So I'm guessing that she just you know fills.

[11:10] I don't think she is because anytime she says let's get in her van, it's always parked out by the window, and then we hop out the window of the classroom, you know, and it doesn't matter which homeroom it is. Like one time we got moved up to the upstairs homeroom, and the van was still somehow floating up by that window. She's like, All right, everybody out the window into the van. And it was really weird. Like, we're not allowed to talk about it or anything, it's supposed to be hush hush.

[11:34] So you've been on these excursions.

[11:37] She calls them field trips, but I don't think they're field trips at all. Like, I've been on other field trips before. Like we went to like a chocolate factory one time.

[11:46] Well, if it's a field trip, right, your parents probably filled out the form, right?

[11:50] Absolutely not. They have no idea that we go on these things, and it's at least once a day it happens because homerooms every day. And like one time we tried sitting there quietly, you know, hopefully she wouldn't show up because everyone gets weirded out when she shows up. So we just sat there quietly, and then she just came out of nowhere. It was like, funny thing about science, we're gonna learn about echolocation. It was I just I didn't, I just always go with it, you know. There's one kid with red hair who's always like, I knew I should have stayed home today, but I'm with him, you know. Like, I just moved to this school, so I thought that's how these things happen.

[11:50] I'm and I'm always like, you know, at my old school, like we didn't do things like this. And then the kids are like, Well, at this school, we technically aren't supposed to be doing things like this either.

[12:38] Wow. Um, how so are they on a trip today? Like, are you did you go on a trip today?

[12:44] Yeah, I finally was able to sneak out because this one got a little weird because they were like, I kind of want to like escape reality, you know, and then Miss Frizzles her name, and she just popped in out of nowhere with like a tie-dye shirt on and her earring started glowing, and it was really weird. She always has like an iguana with her that like does really weird stuff for an iguana, and he's like, Okay, let's get on the bus. And then that was when I was like, nope, not today. Little Miss, whatever my [expletive] name is, not today.

[13:10] And she was okay with that? I don't think she really understood. Her eyes were glazed over, and her pupils were like five times the size they were supposed to be, and I don't think she noticed anything. She's just like, get on the bus, get on the bus, and like so. I hid behind a plant. I'm gonna start writing down. Um, we need to document this is a serious danger to you and the other students. What are some of the trips that she's taken you on? Well, we brought about the one about the human body, and well, what about the human body? Like, so you went and you looked at a body?

[13:44] Kinda. Like, so it was really weird because like she's like autopsy. Kinda like she was like, We're gonna go inside a human body, and then she like we drove around until we got to the bad part of town, and then she found a homeless guy, and she hit him with the van, right? She just ran him over, and then she got out, and she's like, Okay, everyone, we're gonna shrink down and get in this guy's body, and then she just pretended to shrink. She's like, she crunched into a little ball, and then she proceeded to cut open this homeless guy, and she's like, You see, this is his lungs, and this is where the air it was really informative but terrifying at the same time, you know?

[13:44] And I just didn't know where we were gonna go from there. And then finally she's like, Okay, that's the end of the field trip, and then I need someone to help me carry his legs. So I got over there and I grabbed this homeless guy's legs, and he smelled real bad, and then we dragged him over and we heaved him into a dumpster, and she's like, Well, that's the field trip, and she drove us back to the school. It was a really weird thing.

[14:51] Wow, wow. I mean, I must take the cake. There can't be anything weirder or more inappropriate than that.

[14:57] No, it's speaking of cake, there was one time she's like, Let's learn about baking, and like, so we got and then we covered ourselves in like flour and stuff, and then we stood outside and it was a hot day. She's like, We're gonna pretend this is an oven, okay? And this is how cakes are made. And then she drove around and drove around, and then we didn't even get cake at the end of the day. It was the worst field trip ever.

[15:18] Oh goodness, wow. Um, well, I'm very concerned for your safety.

[15:22] We need to find those other kids. Like, does she have any any way a contact or a cell phone? Does she did she ever give out any contact information whatsoever?

[15:30] Absolutely not.

[15:31] All she says is her name is Miss Frizzle, which sounds like a really weird last name. I've never heard of anything like Frizzle. You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but and uh he's gonna take out like his like patient folder and like just go through like the Fs and is like, oh my god.

[15:47] What is it?

[15:48] No, no. Um we need to Does she drive a bus?

[15:52] Um that it's like it's like it looks yellow, but the paint's washed off and it's actually white, and it says correctional, like it starts to say like correct with an exclamation point, but it's actually just correctional for some. It sounds exactly like her, except it's not she calls it a bus, and it's not a bus, it's a van. And she has like a cardboard stop sign taped to the edge of it. It's really weird. And were there bars on the window? There were, and she says it's for our safety. Oh my god. Becky, yeah, like my I like look over at my sister and like Becky, call call the attorney general. We got a mad woman on the staff.

[16:26] Is there something going on, Mr. Psychiatrist? Like something I should know? Are my friends in danger right now?

[16:33] Listen, so years ago there was a teacher um and she was a good teacher, she was a science teacher, and she was teaching a chemistry class, and uh she uh accidentally drank some of the uh the the substances they were working with.

[16:48] Okay.

[16:49] Um and you know, like in Marble Power, like like Marvel movies, they get superpowers. Yeah, yeah. That didn't happen. Oh like this is real life. Yeah, there was arsenic in there, and she went bananas. This this lady went bananas, and they had to send her. At first they just thought she was sick, so they they gave her treatments and then they returned to work and everybody was happy to see her. But then the kids went missing. Oh no, the kids went missing and they were going on field trips. But the field trips were to her basement. She locked one child in a cage and said she was teaching them about history and about uh something uh the Stockholm Syndrome.

[17:25] Oh no.

[17:26] Yeah, uh it it didn't, it got bad. It got bad, and they had the we she she got locked up and they put her in like a mental facility where she got the care she needed, but she disappeared.

[17:37] A couple years ago she disappeared. I think we need to do something because today's field trip was supposed to be about finding God. I have no idea what that meant, and that's when I snuck out, you know. But like this is making sense now. Like, I'm only a fifth grader and I know this is really [expletive] up.

[17:57] There's no time. Listen, go home, lock the doors, and call, call your parents, call your friends' parents if you know their number. Um, we're gonna get a hold of the police, and by God, I hope we will find your friends. Like all of a sudden in the background, it's like doo doo doo doo. Like amber alerts, like everybody's phone's going off.

[18:14] I was trying to make the the sound from the magic school, like the horn.

[18:17] Oh, oh, it's like she's outside, like, come on. Don't go outside.

[18:23] I I don't know what to do. She's looking right at me with that crazed look in her eyes again, and she's holding that iguana and squeezing them awfully tight. Maybe I should just go down there and see what she wants.

[18:32] No, I don't know. Stay here. Stay here. You don't think so? No. Okay. I might put the shades down. Like boarding up now. Yeah. Like, just get down. Get low.

[18:43] Okay. Um, did you call the cops?

[18:46] The lines are cut. Oh my god.

[18:48] Oh my god.

[18:49] What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? She's out there.

[18:54] Okay, listen, just think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. And then I'm gonna like go to my safe. I'm like, I'm like, there's like a shotgun.

[19:03] Okay, okay, okay. I'm a little nervous right now, doctor. Okay, um, what do we okay, um?

[19:12] No, that's it. There's nothing. Oh, did she did she leave? Yeah, like open up the shades and like there's no more bus.

[19:21] And we'll call it so. Wow, so magic school bus. Yeah, so she probably was on some kind of drugs. Yes. Probably kidnapped children.

[19:31] Right, probably gave those children drugs in some way, shape, or form. Absolutely. So that they could be on her field trips with her. So verdict, final verdict, uh, Miss Frizzle, danger to children and humanity. So next time you guys watch Magic School Bus, like you think about where we took this, and that's probably where it's at. That's probably where it's IRL. I love it. All right, so what do we got for our next bit? This one was this was more something uh you had. Yeah, to stick with like our uh DD style themes. I always thought about like what happens to the poor monsters, you know, who aren't necessarily monsters. So my idea was like a goblin community living in a cave.

[19:31] They're like, they're tired and scared, you know, they're tired of people coming and constantly bugging them. And whoever's played DD knows that if you're first level, there's gonna be a cave and there's gonna be goblins, and you're gonna go in there and kill those goblins without a doubt. It's just like they're like, and the DM will make a reason, but there almost doesn't need to be.

[20:29] You're gonna go in a cave and you're gonna slaughter some goblins.

[20:31] Right. So my idea was that like groups constantly come into this cave, kill this community of goblins, and by the time they rebuild, another group comes in of low-level adventures. They're like, I imagine a wizard like putting out his hand, like magic missile, you know?

[20:48] Like, it's like, okay, hold on. And like he's still standing there with his hand holding out. He's like, How much damage is magic?

[20:54] They're so like inexperienced in the level, like they don't even know what they're doing, but they're just coming in, they're causing havoc, right? And then the goblins can't really be too prepared because they just built up their ranks, so they're new goblins too. And like, oh man, they went out on adventure just like a little bit ago, and like, okay, we found this small chest of gold, like, oh sweet, we're gonna rebuild this community, you know. But nope, here comes in this group of adventures that want that gold from these goblins, and they're gonna kill every single goblin possible. So that's kind of the idea we got going on with this. Yeah, it sounds really cheery and optimistic, like most of our sessions. So I like it.

[20:54] Alright, so you're gonna play you're just a goblin. Yeah, just like a goblin. Oh, okay. Okay. Come in. Yes, hello. Oh, oh, hello. Sorry.

[21:37] Um, is this where we talk about our feelings and stuff?

[21:40] Yeah, uh, the clinic though is down the road.

[21:43] If you're looking to get treatment for your green complexure, it's not really No, no, no.

[21:49] It's it's perfectly normal. I'm this is just how I look all the time.

[21:52] Okay, alright. Well, no judgment. Uh have a seat. And uh what's your name? Uh you're asking me to sit down like a real

[22:00] Person?

[22:01] Yeah, of course. Oh, this is so nice.

[22:03] You're not like the normal humans that I deal with. Oh, humans.

[22:07] Um, so you're not human.

[22:09] Oh no, absolutely not. I'm proud of my heritage.

[22:12] I am goblin through and through. Oh, nice, nice. I've I've heard a lot about the goblins. Um like what? I mean, it's usually bad things. Um, you know, like they're in, you know, in you know, for instance, they they have uh they live in in a mountain and uh they have a sword that is named after killing them.

[22:30] Um like No, no, that's all propaganda from the leftist media.

[22:34] Okay, it's you're talking, am I right? Yes, yes.

[22:37] No, we're just um my name is Grug, and we are just common folk, you know, and we're trying to like raise our families and we're like we resort to having to hide in these caves now because everyone just wants to keep coming out and killing us. Oh, I thought you actually naturally dwelled in caves. No, we used to be outdoor people, and then our skin wasn't always green. You know, we used to have a nice tan complexion and everything.

[23:01] Like we were gnomes then, basically. Yes, exactly. Except instead of on people's lawns or you're living in caves.

[23:06] Right. We were gnomes who like to eat more meat than other gnomes.

[23:10] I get it.

[23:11] It's a it's a life choice, you know. But after that, people didn't like that, so they started forcing us into these caves, and we don't uh I just can't take it anymore, Doc.

[23:20] Yeah, no one likes to live, you know, like secluded and alienated from the rest of the world. It's not it's not healthy. Well, that would be fine, but people still keep finding us and then killing everybody.

[23:30] Like oh wow. They say they're heroic adventurers, they come in and they're like I have a job to do, and they they kill us, like that's their job to do. It's the weirdest thing.

[23:41] Their job is just to kill you. Yes. I mean, that doesn't sound believable, right? Like they have to have some kind of like why are they brought there? What did you steal? You know, what did you do? Nothing.

[23:51] Um we found some gold one time and we we hoard it because it's shiny and we like it, and we're like, ooh, that's nice. That's a different conversation. But one time I heard one person say, Hey, do we even need to go in this cave? And then the next person next to him was like, We need the experience point so we can level up. And I have no idea what that even means. And next thing you know, this group of adventurers came in and just started slaughtering my entire family.

[24:14] So you're trying to tell me that people come in and murder you for literally no reason, it's just part of like their routine.

[24:21] Yes, and they I And not even the same people, it's just literally all adventures. Different people every time, but they all have something cool that they do.

[24:30] Like one guy swings swords, another guy had a bow, another guy shot fire out of his fingers. It's always something different, and they think it makes them a better person overall after they killed my entire family. Luckily, I'm the best one at hiding, and that's how I've survived over the years. But every single time, like one time there was just like two little kids, two little goblin kids, like, and apparently they're these people are racist because they can't tell the difference between a little kid and a full grown adult, and they just slaughter us without mercy. Oh wow. The the worst time ever was a paladin and he came in and he had the a big like phoenix on his armor, you know, like like that's that was his power, you know.

[24:30] And he came in and without mercy just slaughtered us all because we were unnatural. It really hurt my feelings more than anything.

[25:14] You know, it's especially we see a lot more nowadays that you know they just hand out certifications. You know, you can you can go online for an hour and become a paladin. And I think that's what we're seeing. It's not just the paladins anymore either, you know. You can you can get a Phoenix crest, you can get a Phoenix uh concentration or uh a magic focus. You can really just get anything you want um uh for that that whole that whole clan and and then be an adventurer. Oh my kid, do you think that I could like borrow your computer and take this class? Oh, absolutely. I mean I've done it before too. I'm actually a certified um ranger. Wow, no, I wouldn't have even pictured it.

[25:14] Yeah, it's well it's because uh frankly I'm horrible at my job and I'm not adequately equipped to do it at all.

[25:56] But but I got the certification. You know, it's kind of like you know how when like people can get, you know, like I could get certified to like be an ordained priest and then marry two people.

[26:06] That's kind of it. Like I got it as a joke to be like, hey, I can like wield a bow now, but like do I actually do it? No, you know. So it sounds like a bunch of people are taking it a little too seriously and coming in and just taking advantage of. Right. And we don't even have any nice things or anything anymore, you know.

[26:21] They took all that stuff. And it's funny that you you brought up weddings. Like, we used to do that in our culture, but then there was one day where we had a wedding, and uh like two other clans showed up, and then the group of adventurers stormed in and they said, We hit the jackpot this time, time for the slaughter. And uh, I just started crying and crying as they are killing everyone in my clan. And could you imagine that? You know?

[26:47] So, how skilled are these terrible?

[26:50] Like sometimes a group will come in and it takes them like five minutes to kill us all, but then this group was just awful. I know there was more of us that time, but it took them over an hour. Like, all of them would be like, Hold on, is it my turn? Let me think about what I'm going to do this time. And I just didn't know, you know, like and oh, it's just it's so hard to think about, but they slaughtered everyone.

[27:13] And at one point, one guy was like, I am going to teabag this goblin skull, and like I don't even know what that means.

[27:21] I know, I didn't even know what that means until he squatted over it and started going up and down, like thrusting, you know, on top of my dead relative. It was my aunt, you know, and they're like, Oh, it's just that is disturbing, absolutely disturbing.

[27:34] There's there's no no plausible reason to to do that. Thank you for understanding. I just don't know where to go from here, you know, doc. Well, probably back to your cave would would be a good start. Do you think it seems definitely also where is that cave? Oh my god, you [expletive], you're not following me back to my cave so you can level up. I see right through your rooms. Listen, it's just I ever since I got that ranger certification, I've not really had a chance to use my bow, and nobody will let me join them unless I'm level two. Just do, you know, it seems like it happens all the time. Like, what's what's one more what's one more pillage?

[27:34] Alright, you have my information anyways, I guess, but we're gonna be prepared for you because rangers suck anyways, and everybody knows it. Hey. Oh, that's right, I guess. Why like if I was gonna get certified in something, why did I pick a ranger? I don't know. You should have picked a paladin. Yeah. University of Phoenix. Who's who's the doc here anyway?

[28:29] Oh, sorry, doc. Okay. Okay, if you really want to, you know, at this time I'm gonna die, so I don't have to go through with this anymore.

[28:37] No, no, I'm sorry. No, no doctor should make their patient wanna die. But listen, why don't you leave the c like if that environment is not good for you, then why don't you leave it? Where would it be? Well, you said your family was killed. Like, there's literally nothing holding you there. You literally have nothing. You said you don't have anything, everyone's dead, um, and people just keep coming back and taking advantage and murdering you. Like, literally, you don't have a reason to live there, if at all. That's true, but I I don't know what else would I do.

[29:05] I have no job experience, you know. Like, I don't, you know, I don't have a nice suit or anything, no good references because they were all slaughtered by hero of the day. And I just don't know what else to do with my life. You know, they say you need experience, but for an entry-level job, and then I don't have that experience of why do you need experience for an entry-level job?

[29:24] Doesn't make sense. Well, so the University of Phoenix has an internship for new adventurers. Oh, okay. So I mean you get the certification, but you're right, you don't have the suit, you don't have you don't have anything. We need to get you experience. That's what you said. Yes. So why don't we do the University of Phoenix um adventurer internship? It it's really turned around some of the finest in our field.

[29:46] Okay, I I I like that idea, Doc. It just so happens. Let me get my certificate, and I know the perfect cave where we can go and level up real quick.

[29:56] That sounds great.

[29:58] All right, hold on, let me get on that computer.

[30:01] All right, an end scene. But like, isn't that such the thing? Like, it's just like if I am under level three and I'm gonna have an encounter, it's gonna be a cave with some goblins. Yes, every every time. I like I like to make a bet with myself if like I play with like a new DM of like you think they're gonna put us in a cave with some goblins, guarantee it. And they they will, right? It's just like the go-to, like, because nobody cares about goblins, you know.

[30:22] Like, all right, you you think wizards would have made like more low-level enemies, and they probably are, but it's like people go with what they're comfortable with, or maybe over the years, you know, I I trained in a cave full of goblins, and that's it's like your right of passage, right? Like, to be an adventurer, you need to kill a cave of goblins.

[30:38] Whether or not they did anything wrong, you need to do it right. Because like you could even make it more realistic if you wanted, like, and be like, oh, you were attacked by a bear, like one bear. They even have owl bears, just be attacked by an owl bear. But no, like for some reason, like that's the fantasy mindset is that you're gonna go and slay this goblin and like chop off his head and put it on your sword and then walk around with it, and everyone's gonna be like, oh, that guy knows what he's doing. It's almost like we're the villains, right? Sometimes I feel like we are, sometimes we are, like most of the time. All right, so we got we got one more bit today. Um, I'm I'm a big fan now.

[30:38] This this is an old cartoon, but it's it's you know, it keeps coming back in like a million different variations. Um, Scooby-Doo. I've got some thoughts, right? Uh-huh. And it's maybe not we think, like, yeah, of course, like, are they on drugs? Yeah, probably, whatever. Um, but really what I want to know is why are they never in school? And like, what does their truant officer have to say? Dude, do people even know what a truant officer is anymore? Right? Do they still have those? Do they still have schools? Yeah, these are things I need to know. I need to know, right? 2020 was hell. When when I I used to skip school all the time, all the time.

[30:38] And my mom would get so mad at me, and she would always tell me that the truant officer was gonna come. It's almost kind of like uh like the boogie. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if he was real, but it was this threat that somebody would come and make me go to school if I kept skipping. So I'm gonna assume that that person was, I'm gonna just trust my mother and assume that that was real. And so, where was that person for Scooby-Doo? Like, where was that person being like, hey, you need to get the [expletive] to school? Like, you've missed way too many days, like you will not graduate at this point if you do not go.

[30:38] And like parents, like my mom would always tell me, like, not only does the true officer like collect you and bring you to school, but he's also like they can like press charges against the parent, and then the parent can like lose control of their kids. Like, do you want your mom and dad to go to jail? Like, that was always something that was thrown at me. But I was never even a bad kid, I never skipped school or anything. I was real square. Really? Yeah, I never even did drugs in high school, and that was a missed opportunity, kids. And that's why we have the E for explosive. So sorry, there's no chance we're going back from that. It's funny, it's funny. So, yeah, I wanted to see Scooby-Doo.

[30:38] Like, what is the true an officer thinking? Okay, and like, where is he at? Okay, I think I can play that. You think you can do it? I think I could do that. All right, there's nothing Nate can do, so well, you know. There's some stuff. I mean, apparently except drugs in high school, but or make a appropriate show for people of all ages to watch. I can't do that. It's impossible. All right, here we go. All right, hold on, let me think about a voice here. Stretch out, stretch out. Come in. Hey, how's it going? Uh that's good. Hey, welcome. Uh is this uh the place where we can sit down and kind of mull things over? Yeah, yeah. I see you work with the government, um, the local school system.

[30:38] Yeah, I'm uh a truant officer, and it's usually I can handle my job pretty well. It's just this one group of kids lately seem to be really taking it out of me. Uh okay, yeah, yeah. You want to talk a little bit about it? He's already sitting down. He's like, I'm ready to unload.

[33:37] Okay.

[33:37] Yeah, let's hear. Tell me about it. I mean, they're just kids, right? Uh well, first things first, there's this kid named Fred. And he looks like he should be like a great kid, you know? Blonde hair, blue eyes, looks like a football player. Like, really smells like prison. Yeah, real firm shoulders on him. I grab him by the shoulders all the time and really give him a good squeeze, you know. Huge biceps, but that's besides the point. He's always instead of like buckling down and like joining the football team and doing this stuff, the big mistake was when his dad bought him a van. So he bought him this van, and then all of a sudden he painted it some god-awful colors.

[34:16] It's like green and blue with some like orange yellow, like red.

[34:20] Yeah, I've heard of this. I've heard of it. Right, and it just smells awful inside like wet dog and marijuana and yeah, Scooby Snacks, like crumbs all over. Is that like cool? Like, what is I've never heard like that? No, there's no name brand Scooby Snacks. Like, what is that? No, like now they turn it into an alcoholic beverage, it's like Molly or something, like it could be, but they're always starving for them, you know. Well, Fred was a good kid, and ever since he got that van, he's always wanting to go off on adventures. He says, Once you start driving, you know, it's just natural you start driving to places you don't even need to go to.

[34:20] Well, yeah, you would think, but he goes to some really messed up places, and all this time he should be at school, and I think he's the ringleader because he's roped in three other friends and one of the friends' dogs. And yeah, I don't know how you get a dog to go on all these trips, but it must have something to do with the space. The van is the key. Right. It's that I need to get rid of that van. So wait, so three of his friends, so they're not like his brothers or siblings, like he's he's getting three other kids from other families involved, right? And like kids like of all different calibers of life, you know, like you wouldn't even think they're together.

[34:20] Like there's this one, uh Daphne, she's like real hoity toity princess type, like should be the head cheerleader or whatever, but now she's ditching school. Velma, smoking hot, glasses, super smart. These are all under age, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a different type of correction officer. Um actually, I think I read about her in the paper. Didn't she win like literally every like science fair in Spelling Bee academic competition? Exactly. It makes no sense why she's giving up her academic life to follow these kids, you know.

[36:14] So it seems like a lot of like really top of the class, you have the football coach, you have the cheerleader, or not the coach, but the football uh quarterback, the cheerleader, you have like the academic genius.

[36:24] So it's all like the heads of the school, right? Right. Who's that fourth person? Oh, he's just some piece of [expletive] named Shaggy. That's that can't possibly be his actual name. I think that's what his parents named him, because that's how much they don't care about him. Instead of actually raising him, they just gave him a dog and they're like, This dog will take care of you now. And so it's always him and that dog together, you know, and he's always talking to it. It's really weird. The dog like licks his face and stuff. He's always got like a jar of peanut butter in his back pocket. He wears real baggy pants, so the jar of peanut butter fits back there. And this is really weird.

[36:24] I don't know what exactly he's doing with these dogs, but the point is they're always missing school, and it's driving me nuts because the town praises them for it. The town [expletive] puts them in the newspaper. They wait. You're talking about the mystery gang. Yes, that's exactly who I'm talking about. See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. When I say kids, like I didn't think they were in school. No, they are still in school, they're all seniors, 18 years old seniors in high school, you know, and they they should be staying in school, like just finish out this last year. That's all I'm asking. But instead, nobody else sees it, and I try to bring it up to the principal, and he looks at me like my name. No, absolutely not.

[36:24] They are doing this stuff for free, and they don't see that they're being taken advantage of. Maybe if they stayed in [expletive] school, they would see that they're being taken advantage of by the police force who is now too lazy to do their job, so they just have this group of kids in a van with a dog to it. I mean, it it man, I love those kids. Like they've really like there was somebody who wouldn't pay their bill, and they even figured out he wasn't even wearing a mask, they just went to her house and they were like, yo, you need to pay Dr. uh Schmuck and the money. Right.

[38:04] That's due.

[38:05] And it it was fine at first, you know, but now things have gotten a little dark, like they always do around here. They've become vigilantes of justice. Really? So, yeah, one time I was just so happened to be driving by and I saw somebody jaywalk. Next thing you know, the van pulls up, these kids get out, and they're like, it's mystery busting time, [expletive], and they just start beating up this guy who was jaywalking, you know. Like, and I rolled down my window, I was like, Fred, what are you doing? And he's like, solving another mystery, and then he just starts pulling on the hair of the jaywalker, and nothing was happening, just yanking on his hair. And he's like, Let's get out of here, gang.

[38:05] And then they hop in the van and drive off. Is it do you think we we joked about it, but are they maybe under the influence of something greater? They could be that those Scooby Snacks as they call them. I went to the store and looked for Scooby Snacks. This has got to be something they're cooking up on their own. I haven't it's always in a nice box. Like my kids have them too, but you're right. Like, I I I was one time like, oh, what do you like, Jeremy? And they're like, Scooby snacks. And so I went and the store and I could not find them anywhere. And I thought maybe just you know, like they're like from another region or another store. Right. Wait, but it's always in the same box.

[38:05] Do you think these kids are pulling a breaking bad on Scooby Snacks? I mean, maybe it's I but uh where do they have the time to also be vigilantes and you know that's true cooking up Scooby Snack? But Velma is super smart. I can see it. Holy [expletive]. Right if there was one student. I think we solved our own mystery. I think we solved our own mystery.

[39:43] But do you have any like tips or anything I could do? Like I know you say that you love these kids, but it's gotten bad. It's gotten real bad.

[39:50] Yeah. Well, why don't you stage they love justice, you know?

[39:54] Why don't you stage some kind of uh, you know, um have like a uh I don't know, I don't know, maybe um No, I totally pick up what you're putting down here, Doc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm gonna stage an elaborate scheme where I dress up as a ghost at an old roller coaster museum, right? And I'm gonna be scaring people away, you know, like get out of here, and then that's gonna draw them into me because they can't stay away from that. Nothing could possibly go wrong. No, not at all.

[39:54] But then I'm you know, I might go down a dark road myself, and it turns out that I'm like scaring people away from the old roller coaster museum because there's a vat of oil underneath, and I'm trying to sell it to Saudi Arabians, you know, or something like that. Seems a bit crazy, okay? What are you on? Scooby snacks. I know, I'm sorry, but it always seems like these are the way things happen. Listen, do you have a sample on the snacks? I can send it over. I have a friend who works at a lab, and maybe we can just get like an analysis of what, you know, what's in these snacks. What are they cooking up?

[39:54] I actually do um hold on, and I like walk up to the door and open it, I'm like, rutro. And then like I just grab a Scooby snack and come back and give it to you. I'm like, there you go, bud. That's just how it works. They just appear. It's like that's the code word. You say rut ro. Well, then you just do that. Like that sounds like a good way to get them. Like, just do that at the school and make them stay at the school. But they're in and out, you know. Like by the time I say rutro, what is that? What what happened? Some little like tiny mutant dog just like crawled in with a giant head. Oh my god, did you see it? Oh, that's not even the most terrifying thing.

[39:54] There's a another dog that sometimes follows him, depending on what time of the year it is. And he's just like a little puppy, but he is scrappy, you know? Oh, yeah, he's rough and tumble. Yeah, but he's got a big old head and like little tail. He's really disgusting. Cancer is like tumor and it's like there's your head does not shouldn't be like this.

[41:41] Is why you can't keep inbreeding animals.

[41:43] And he's one of the reasons they started going to a more vigilante justice because he's always trying to beat people up, you know, just this little weird cancer dog just beating people up. It's it's terrifying. I don't know if I want to live in this town anymore, but not with these kids running around. Yeah, I don't know. They're not the heroes we deserve or want. Right, exactly. I don't know what else we can do about it. All right, well, I think you got a good plan uh the whole ghost uh scheme. You know, you set that up, I'll send some stuff to the lab, and also maybe we keep an eye out for that cancer dog. And I think um we'll try to get someone under control here. All right, sounds good.

[41:43] I'm gonna go get Measri for my ghost outfit.

[42:22] Okay.

[42:23] That's I love that. I do that. So Scrappy always like seemed very off-putting to me. Right. Like I hate him. Hated Scrappy. I know he's supposed to be kind of the like overconfident. He's like, what? Is he Scooby's nephew? Or I think so. Something like that. Like I know he's supposed to just be like a dumb young kid, but like he was an [expletive]. And like, maybe I I don't want to say I'm maybe influenced by that movie, but remember like the first live action movie where, spoiler alert, it's like Scrappy is the villain. Yeah, yeah. So, but like that's actually how I see Scrappy. It's like he kind of is the villain. He's a terrible dog slash human being, whatever. It's cancerous dogs. Like a mutant, yeah.

[42:23] Well, did you ever watch though, like the 13 like ghosts of Scooby-Doo or something? That was like that was my jam. Was it good? Because there's I mean, there's been a million variations, but they had like Vincent Price was like, ooh, yeah. And like they had like different ghosts, they were like actual, like, and that I think that was the like the bit was that like, oh, we're gonna catch some ghosts, and then it's like, oh, it's the act, they're actually ghosts. Ooh, they can't catch actual ghosts, yeah, or can they? Ooh. You should check it out.

[42:23] And also, my all-time one of my all-time favorite children's movies was the Scooby-Doo movie where Shaggy turns into a werewolf, and he has to they they basically go, and then Dracula basically turned him into a werewolf to replace they need like a new werewolf because they have like a Frankenstein.

[43:38] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[43:38] And so he has to the only way to be turned back into a human is he has to win. It's like Death Race, but with like so like Frank, so like Frankenstein has a Frankenmobile, right? Like Dracula has his own car, and like the mummy has his own car. And it's like a race, like you need to make Corbin watch that. Like, I'm gonna give him a list of like mandatory choices. He'll think it's stupid because he's like like he's like a 30-year-old trapped in like a nine-year-old's body, but um no, we definitely have to do that. I have a lot of fond memories of Scooby-Doo, even though the premise is just ridiculous, right? It's awful.

[43:38] Like, all these bad guys that you're busting, instead of just doing the crime, they took the time to develop some elaborate scheme where they dress up like uh a ghost in the roller coaster factory, or what was the one with um Sulu where he was like a uh what's the Japanese theater like guy? Like oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's always George Takeye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always something like that. Like it's always some over-the-top allow scheme that for some reason only these teenage kids and their dogs insults. They're the only ones. And it's also when you think of criminals, like they usually want to like separate their name as much as possible, or they get other people to like embezzle with or like take the call for them.

[43:38] But these guys are putting on costumes and literally like I'm gonna do it myself. I'm gonna put on this bear suit uh with a spooky miss machine, and I'm gonna do it. Right, and they were like these bad guys, but for some reason they just want to like grab the kids, you know. Like, we never get a real villain that's like, oh, get these kids out of here, pull out a gun, blah blah blah, blah blah blah dead kids and dog, you know. Nope, nope, like yeah, they they went through all this like elaborate plans to like steal oil, but they aren't afraid, but they're the kid, we don't hurt kids. Right. I just want to run after them through like there's always a [expletive] hallway with 16 doors.

[45:27] I love it. Yeah, I love it. Well, that just about wraps it up for uh D and uh PTSD. Ooh, that was a good one. That was a good one, that was good. I really you got me with the started crying.

[45:39] You got me with hitting the uh the homeless person for the for the the the biology filter. Yeah, that was good, that one got me. Um, as always, guys, if you're listening to our podcast, go ahead and subscribe, go ahead and like um, or or leave like a good five stars or at least four. Um beyond lower than that, you're just kind of a jerk. But leave us a review, leave us your thoughts if you have Apple Podcasts, like literally write a review.

[46:03] We would love to hear your thoughts more. We will read. If you leave a review, we will read it. I will, I promise.

[46:09] Absolutely. And then follow us on social. We got uh we got a Patreon. Nate, how much is the lowest tier of our Patreon? It's just a dollar. It's just a dollar. Come on, it doesn't really get you. I don't think Patreon lets us put a price lower than a dollar. We can't put we put 37 cents if we could, but we can't. So it's a dollar. If you want this great entertainment coming, please sign up for that. And this brings me to a big thank you to all of our current patrons right now. Thank you for understanding that it is just a dollar. It's just a dollar, and we appreciate you. We're gonna get more content in your way. And if you want to see even bigger, better content, you just send those dollars.

[46:09] Yes, more funny voices. You know, maybe I'll if you give us enough dollars, I will go take voice acting lessons and you will get even better voices than the crap that I spew in front of you today. Absolutely. All right, we look forward to talking to you next week, and as always, thanks for watching that one. Awesome. Thanks, guys.