Roleplay for One | The Freakshow
Edited audio transcript

Edited from an automatic transcription of the original recording. Strong language is masked; selected personal asides and adult material are marked [Editorial omission.]. Transcription errors may remain, especially in names and lyrics. Timestamps come from the source; paragraphs split for readability can share a timestamp. The original recording contains adult language and themes. Announcements and offers reflect the recording date.
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[0:00] You're about to listen to the first experimental season of our show, formerly called Nat One Presents the Podcast. For better audio quality and our current ongoing DD campaign, skip ahead to season two featuring the Daft Monks. On this episode of Nat One Presents.

[0:28] You're the best they had. Adventure.

[0:49] Just kidding. This is Nat One Presents, a tabletop role-playing game podcast that takes your favorite nerdy games and pop cut your icons and ruins them with improv.

[1:00] Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents the Podcast. Hey Nate, how you doing?

[1:06] Oh, look who decided to show up. Yeah, it's been uh about a month.

[1:12] Just just one twelfth of the year, that's all. But I uh I came back, I'm here, I'm ready to party. Uh for those of you that don't know, I uh came down with the coronavirus, and that explains at least two weeks of my hiatus. What was that like? It sucked. It was pretty bad. Yeah, it was like it is not made up, like it actually sucks. All I got were like the body aches from it, but like it was like the flu, and the flu like took steroids and was all jacked up and just started beating the [expletive] out of me. Like, that's pretty much what it got from it.

[1:43] Well, I'm glad you're feeling better, especially because it basically you caught it on your birthday. Yeah, these things happen. Not great.

[1:50] The gift that keeps giving or taking. I appreciate that. Karma, thank you so much.

[1:55] We're glad to have you back. Uh, we had special guest Steph on the show. Who is that? We we opened up a bunch of random [expletive]. She collects stuff like uh mini brands. I don't know if you've heard of those. No, I haven't. Um, they're ridiculous. We'll go in at some other time. We open Pokemon cards, serial boxes with Pokemon cards. So we had a good we had a good time. Chris and I talked. Snyder cut of Justice League. Did you ever get to watch that? No, I haven't. I don't have four hours to watch a movie. Summary. Same movie, but definitively better. Much edited way better, tone is way better, characters are like more respected.

[2:28] I heard like just the coloring itself made the movie so much better.

[2:31] It's four by three, though, which is pretty interesting. Yeah. Um, yeah. So uh you can go back and listen to the episode you want. If you don't have uh four hours, you can listen for one hour of us talking about. That's more in my time now. That's that's some parent time right there. Um, so fun fact for our listeners if you are listening, um, our bad, uh, we've been telling you for months now, it's only a dollar, join our Patreon. But what we didn't realize, Nate, was I accidentally or we were marked accidentally as adult content, which I thought maybe was like, oh, we swear. Right. No, no, adult content is for basically like nudes, like as if we were an OnlyFans.

[2:31] So, and what that means, and you know, I wouldn't have even cared about that, right? Honestly, whatever. But what that does is that takes us out of the search results. So, fans or listeners, if you went to Patreon and typed Nat1 Presents and didn't find us, that's because as adult content for some reason, you have to directly be linked to our page. So our our link, our direct link always worked that we sometimes share it on the air, but if you were just searching for us, you could not find us. So we have resolved that. It took all of like 10 minutes for a tech to check out our show and be like, this is not an OnlyFans. Uh and then they went ahead and fixed that.

[2:31] So I'm gonna go back over one more time how to become a patron in case you actually tried and then gave up because we're idiots. Right. So step one, go to patreon.com or just download the Patreon app, and that's P-A-T-R-E-O-N, Nate. Super easy. Super easy. Super easy. Once you do that, it will probably at some point make you create an account now or later, whatever. Just do that. And then in the search bar, type, you just have to put Nat 1, N-A-T-1, no spaces. Yeah, yeah. There is another thing called Nat One Videos. That's not us, it's just Nat One presents. You'll see the logo, you'll see the blue, it's the top result, it's way better.

[4:17] It looks awesome. Looks awesome.

[4:18] All right, that's it. That's one. You're gonna click on that, and then you just choose a tier. There's the only a dollar tier, which gets you in, gets you off our back, or gets us off your back, honestly.

[4:26] Yep.

[4:27] But there's also other tiers if you want to support us more. Some of them have a little bit more benefits, but honestly, you'll get everything, even just for a dollar. Um, but feel free to send us a little moolah if uh you're really feeling it.

[4:36] And it's now easier than ever. You just search it up. And guess what? We still contain the same amount of nudes. Zero. Zero. Now featuring zero nudes.

[4:46] You're welcome. Seriously. No problem. You're welcome. Uh all right, thank you so much. So we're gonna read some reviews. We haven't done that in a while, and we actually have quite a few reviews. People have actually been listening and writing about the show. Um I love that. And ever since the first time you were on like a Greta kick back then. Um, I think we're gonna continue to read them as an like an angry Greta term. I love it. Let me let me get in a character though.

[5:08] Climate change. Global, global problems. How dare you!

[5:13] How dare you!

[5:14] Okay, I'm ready. Awesome. All right, here we go. Uh, the first comment will be from Small Burby. You know who you are. Um It's like the friends you wish you had. Always a good time, except with the way climate change is going on.

[5:31] How dare you even have fun watching a show like this when there's problems out there? How dare you!

[5:41] That was uh verbatim uh the review read as as as it was written. Line by line. Line by line.

[5:47] And then we have uh one more from uh Sir Jables. This podcast makes me being stationed in Korea a little better. Phenomenal content.

[5:56] Keep it up, Kimbas would be proud. How dare you okay?

[6:02] So I know who that one is. So that was a friend from uh the military. And funny story, we were when we got to basic, you're in this thing called reception, right? So you like you have to wait in line to get uniform, you have to wait in line to get your haircut, you have to wait in line to get like a 20 vaccinations, none of which were COVID, ironically. But um, you have to do all that stuff. So the first five days is called reception. You're not actually at basic yet, they're not like making you drop and do push-ups really, unless you really mess up. Right. Um and so at reception, they put you in like seasonal, you know, barracks, just kind of like the the place you go to later.

[6:02] And anyway, long story short, in my barracks, like in my like draw where I was keeping my clothes and stuff, I found someone's journal that they had either left or forgotten. And it's basically like it's so funny because it starts off real positive, like everybody's journey to basic. Like it starts off really positive and then you quickly get worn down. But it's basically like this guy, and all he does is talk about his girlfriend Kimbers. And he just like and he's like, I wonder what Kimbers is doing right now.

[6:02] And just like it became honestly so naturally, what I did is I took it out and I respected him by reading it to everybody else in the barracks, and and then we wrote our own entries and added it in and then left it for the next group. So, yeah, so in their review, it says uh Kimbers would be proud. Like we've never met her, we just assume you know some kind of Sheila-esque, like six foot-seven Russian woman that like this this little recruit was in love with. So fun fact for the story of the day. He left her behind. Big mistake. Poor Kimbers. Poor Kimbers.

[7:27] All right, what are we what are we doing today, Nate? Um, I would like to do a role play for one, go back to our Cthulhu because I know uh our fans are probably missing it out there. It's it's been a minute.

[7:37] Top episode is the terror exhibit right now. That was a good one. That was a good one. I've I've I've actually people have told us that they would like to see more of Rusty and uh like a return. I I want to call him Chip because that's the other character, but it wasn't Chip.

[7:52] I made it Chip, it was uh [expletive]. I forget to whatever. I don't even remember. I gotta read now.

[7:57] Harry? I called him Harry. Harold. Harold. Maybe something like that. Anyway, I think uh maybe they might have to like come back in the future. Maybe they move to like another exhibit or something or whatever.

[8:08] Ooh, we could go and like put uh put him in an old folks home for the rest of you folks' home.

[8:13] It's like I just want to die here.

[8:16] Well, I'm here to take care of you, rescue and I'll like let's put you in the old folks' home, all right? It'll be fine. Nothing weird ever happens in old folks' home, and then like [expletive] [expletive] goes down in the old done, Canon.

[8:28] See you in three more months when this episode airs on our current schedule.

[8:33] And that's how we come up with ideas. Exactly.

[8:35] Watch become a patron, our patron. You can go ahead and we actually have bonus episodes, and it pretty much is exactly what just happened. We basically work through our creative process. Um, also exciting news for the patrons and uh the patron. We just got our RSS feed figured out. And so um basically uh like bonus episodes, in case you because we put up the videos that you can like listen and watch, which I think are a lot more fun because you just see each other cracking each other up. But uh, we started set up the RSS feed so that uh the bonus episodes and the bonus content are in a s are in its own RSS feed that you can add to your whatever Spotify Apple podcast.

[8:35] So we have our RSS feed with our normal episodes that'll never change, but then you can add the second feed, and this will have patron exclusive uh it'll have like outtakes and yeah, it'll have just a lot of random stuff, bonus episodes. We have uh Chris and I did an episode like trial that was like you know experimental and it was funny, but it was like not great. And you know, it was a day like everybody canceled. So uh yeah, check it out. That's like just another benefit we're gonna have on there, RSS feed with bonus uh audio, bonus episodes once a month, and character sheets and other content. Lots of benefits for our friends if you join the Patreon. Be a friend, be a friend.

[8:35] And seriously, if you were trying to sign up and couldn't find us, I am so sorry. Please now go back and sign up because Renfare season's coming and we're about to make the rounds. We got plans. We got plans. If you are in Arizona and going to a Ren fan, uh Renfare, prepare to see us because we are going to harass you. Full force, be ready. All right. Well, uh, so for today's episode, uh, I call it uh roleplay for one, the freak show. Ooh. So tell us a little bit about your character before I get into this scenario, if you don't mind.

[10:20] So we wanted to make a um like a almost like a detective, but something a little bit more grand. So I decided to go with like a federal agent background. He's gonna be kind of like a U.S. Marshal. I don't really know the jurisdiction or anything. I only looked up so much [expletive] beforehand, but his name's uh Ezra Kane. And um, as far as his stats that I rolled go, his strength's average, Khan's average size, he's actually fairly tall. Okay. Um, average on the handsome department, but he's super educational-wise and intelligent. So that's kind of like the the kind of US Marshal he is. He uses smart style wit. And uh far as background, he's got like a country type background. So he's from Tucson, which obviously in the 1920s, the Call of Cthulhu set.

[10:20] Uh Tucson was a weird little stage where it started out having like 5,000 people in like 1910, something like that, but then it jumped up from that small amount to like 20,000 people by the 1920s. Oh wow. So like it's like a boom in town. It's a little bit of history. I looked all this up. I even downloaded the the census for Arizona. Really? Yeah, just to make sure, you know. I want our fans to know that like I want Call of Cthulhu games to be at least slightly historically accurate. You know what I'm saying? I think that makes it more fun and more real.

[11:36] That makes one of us, but I'm glad. I'm glad you use census material. That makes the research I did for mine very not accurate, but great.

[11:45] And I think uh that's pretty much about him. So, like, country western type, uh, born and raised in Tucson, um stern, very stern, cowboy-esque US Marshall character.

[11:58] Alright, all right. Okay, so uh and your name was Ezra? Ezra Kane? Ezra Kane. Okay, so Ezra, you arrive at Madame Galore's Creature Connival to investigate numerous reports of missing persons. The carnival, commonly referred to as the local freak show, sits on the outskirts of town by a worn-down pair. It was it has been linked as the last location of all your missing persons that you're seeking. Um so as you enter the site, you seek out Madame Galore yourself and are guided towards a large trailer in the back of the grounds. You knock on the you go to knock on the trailer door, but it creaks open as if instinctively. You're lit, you hear from inside.

[12:38] You man, um late for what, ma'am? I was just here doing an investigation. I didn't know I was expected or nothing.

[12:49] Everything's expected at the carnivore. Uh what is your name, sir?

[12:54] Uh my name's US Marshal Kane, but you can call me Ezra while I'm here conducting business.

[13:01] Okay. Come come in, come in. Uh so she the you see like in the background, she like gestures you in, you come in, uh, and you see uh Madame Galore is a very tall woman, at least six and a half feet. Like you just by your range, like she is abnormally tall. Um, she wears a shawl over her head, um, and then she has like a French cigarette type deal. Um definitely gives like this very foreign, you know, super long filter. Exactly. Um, but despite all that, uh she's a madam, but she's actually pretty young. Like, or you get the vibe, maybe, that she's like not super old. Um so anyway, um what detector? Why are you here today?

[13:43] Well, first things first, I don't mean to be frank or nothing, but you're the tallest lady I've ever met in my life. I've never met a lady that's taller than me. And that's saying something. Congratulations on that, first things first. But uh, as far as my business, there's been several missing persons reports in the area, and I've been sent from the U.S. Marshal's office to come investigate, and I'm the best they got, and I'm gonna get down to the bottom of this. So I have here a list of names that I'm gonna hand to you. Do any of these look familiar? Have you seen anybody like these? All the descriptions are right there next to it.

[14:21] She's gonna like take the list, like look you up, look down the list, and then she like lights it on fire with her little French cigarette. She's like, there are no missing persons here. I don't know the name of every guest that comes, but everybody at the Conneau has a home, just like you, Detective.

[14:39] Well, that seemed a little intense there. I guess I should have given you a copy and not the only one I have. This is gonna be uh the best they have. This is gonna lead to some confusion later on for these seven missing people I'm looking for. Um all right, but if you you're promising me there's no missing people here on the premises. Scouts on the do you even know anything about the scouts? Not a thing, detective. Yeah, I can see that. Uh I'm gonna hang out for a bit if you don't mind. Maybe talk to some of your co-workers. Maybe they've seen some of these missing people. I don't have their names now or anything, so I'm just gonna go out on a wing, you know.

[15:24] If you insist on playing your game, then you may interrogate the other performers. But do not make a bigger scene. We are getting ready to sell uh the carnival. Uh corporation corporate uh is making a major investment in our show.

[15:40] Alright. I don't know what that has to do with me, but I'll I promise you I'll keep it low-key, as low as I can. But uh just so you know, I don't appreciate you calling this a game. This is a federal matter and be taken with the utmost importance and seriousness. Uh, you understand that, right? Uh yes, yes, detective.

[15:59] Uh accents like looking at it. Um Do as you will, and uh I'll be seeing you, I'm sure. Alright, very well, ma'am. I tip my hat. You have a good day now, alright? As she does that, she uh says uh detective. And she hints you like literally the map they give you, like when you go to like a theme park and like it just like has attractions laid out. Um and so uh yeah, you go ahead, you you look through it, and that's kind of what you'll use to like navigate around the park. You can just tell me where you want to go and whatnot.

[15:59] Um so you see like kind of an aquatic area, you see what looks like kind of the traditional um like the the the area where like stunts and like stuff happens, like the tented area. Um, and then there's also just like uh a very like a lot of equipment and like uh I don't know, just an area full of like big heavy things. Um, and then like then there's like a psychic, uh mystic area, and then like a fun house as well. So those are those are kind of your options. So um and then you're welcome to explore other parts of the park as well.

[17:06] All right. Uh first things first, let me look at this map here. Um I'll probably go check out this aquatic area and see what that's about.

[17:16] All right. Uh so uh yeah, we'll we'll say, you know, you just you follow the map pretty straightforward. Um these places can be really confusing, but uh the aquatic area kind of stands out because it's you know just like a big tank area. Um so uh you arrive and there's like a big sign and it says uh the siren. Uh and and then there's like you you like go inside and it's almost like a like a mini aquarium, like like just kind of like a one-level you can like walk around and there's seems to be some fish in there and some other exhibits as well. All right. I guess I'll you're you are during like business hours right now. So uh there's crowds of people and stuff like that.

[17:16] There's people and like like anyone you want to talk to is like kind of in the middle of like doing their their thing. Okay.

[18:01] Yeah.

[18:02] Um, so I guess uh so I'm walking through, and is there like a performer or anything in the middle of this aquarium?

[18:09] You hear like some like some noise in the background, almost like it almost sounds like karaoke or something. Like it it's singing, but not good singing. Um like like la la la la la la la la la, like that kind of thing. Um and then there's just like a lot of like the fish around stuff with like the little plaques like kind of describing what um like what they are and what okay, okay.

[18:31] Um I'll go through and like just look at the fish a little bit. Like I've never seen fish like this up close, you know. Like I've been fishing before, but nothing like this. Like there's some weird exotic fish in here. And then I'm gonna try to approach the entertainer lady, be like, excuse me there. Uh ma'am, when when you got a second, I'd like to have a word with you. I'm uh U.S. Marshal Kane.

[18:54] Yeah, one second, duh. Let me just finish the get to the intermission, and then I'll go ahead. We can take you in back and give you a little some, whatever you're looking for. Alright, that sounds like a plan to me. So she goes on to sing, and it is like the raspiest, like just uh not what you believe to be uh good. And there's really only like three people there. There is like one like fat guy with a beard, just like who's really into it, just like eyeing like the [expletive] out of this neck beard kind of guy.

[18:54] And then the rest, the other two are just like like some like I don't know, like young adult and like a friend who are just like they're more like as a joke, like to make fun of them. You kind of get this vibe in general. There's a negative connotation with uh this park, uh like even though it's supposed to be like a carnival, it's known as like the freak show, right? So a lot of the people there are just there. So they're like, why don't you go back in the water, you fat freak? And uh and she you know, she's like, Listen, shut the hell up. I'm a [expletive] siren. You know what that means? You mean I could literally lure you to your death, doll.

[18:54] Alright, I'm not gonna do that because I got a date with a Reuben, and she like gives you a wink or and whatever. She's like, But listen, I am don't don't try me today, alright? I've had I've had it up to here with you kids and your little [expletive].

[20:12] I'm gonna like pull a little notepad and just take some notes. Be like, hmm, siren threatened to kill somebody. Wait, wait, what are you writing down over there? I was we'll worry about that in a minute. That'd be a five-star review. I think uh your show is pretty much wrapped up here. The only one interested is that uh neck guy over there. I heard him muttering something like he wants to respect the [expletive] out of you or something like that. I don't really understand that. So if we can just go in that back room.

[20:39] Yeah, that neck bed makes me uncomfortable. Let's let's get a room in the back and I'll I'll be happy to uh, you know. I uh I say I'm picking up what you're putting down.

[20:47] Alright, you lead the way then, alright? What's your name? Easy. It's uh Ezra, U.S. Marshal Ezra Kane. Oh, show me your badge. Yeah, like I pull out and it's on my little vest right there. U.S.

[20:58] Marshal badge. I like a man in uniform. Oh that I usually sing to them until they drop to their death in the ocean, but you know. Yeah, I'm kinda landlocked over here in uh near Tucson. I don't know where this pier came from.

[21:11] I can I could see that. Um, it wouldn't take very long if you're singing for me to drop dead as well, but that's besides the point. You are a stout, stout, sturdy looking woman.

[21:23] I'm gonna say, like, while you're talking, like, so you're walking along like an aquarium case, and she's just like kind of like she's at the top, like kind of like pulling herself, like not swimming, just like pulling like across the ropes and the bowie's like over to like some other area. And it's just like it really is like a beached whale type. Like it's just it's not pretty.

[21:43] Wow, the the grace that you exhibit. I can't imagine why people aren't in here just storming over the place, ma'am. Oh, thank you, doll. So, what brings you in here today? There's been a uh a slew of missing people, and uh I've been sent to investigate in all my sources. Lead to this here carnival or freak farm or whatever you got going on. Freak farm. That's just what I heard on the street. Some kids were saying it, I don't know, as catchy, and I thought that's what you call it. But uh it brought me here, and uh I'm really looking for these people, ma'am, and I was wondering if you could help me try to locate them.

[22:19] Well, you know, I'm not a snitch, all right. Listen, you know, I you you gotta be careful. There's a it's a tough crowd around here, not just the audience, but uh the performers, you know, we that we we take care of each other, we take care of our own, you know. So I I you can't just go ahead and start telling, you know, family business, you know.

[22:36] No, I understand that, and I I respect it, but I can handle my own. And it's actually I'm under here by the U.S. jurisdiction, and I need to find these people. And if you're withholding any kind of information, I have it within my power to arrest you right here and right now. So you take that into account and you search your memory for me, and let's try to get to the bottom of this.

[22:57] Give me an intimidate because you just tried to like, you know, kind of like push your weight around and threaten me.

[23:02] 33. What do you got for you?

[23:04] You don't have like anything.

[23:06] I got something. Oh, yeah, I got nothing. That's a fail.

[23:09] Um dang, I should have been more intimidating. You're so cute when you talk firm with me like that, you know. I love I love when your type comes around, I'll peacock and you know, strutting your feathers around and whatnot. All right, listen, I'll tell you some things, doll. You know, you you're in here every so often, so I'll I'll go at, you know, your type. So uh listen, I don't I don't know. I'm a little immobile, you know, being, you know, fin half fish on the bottom. You know, I kind of gotta stick to the water. So I don't see much, doll. But, you know, obviously the other people around the tent, they do. So what I'm gonna recommend is some people you're gonna want to talk to. One of them, the lion tamer, right?

[23:09] He's a bit of a weirdo, uh, you know, if I you know what I mean, a total freak, kind of like what you were mentioning. Not like the rest of us. I can see. And uh so you're gonna want to go talk to him. He's got loose lips. Loose lips, if you know what I mean. I'm picking up what you're putting down there, man. I don't think you are. No, alright. All right. All right, so you're gonna want to talk to him. And then also, we got some actually pretty clairvoyant people around here, alright? So you're gonna want to talk to the Zalton, alright? He's uh he's not good with words, but he knows a little something. He knows he knows things, okay?

[23:09] I don't know if it's uh predestination or he just [expletive] literally has cameras around the place, but he knows. So you're gonna want to talk to those two for sure. The rest, I don't know. You know, the strong woman, she's kind of a [expletive], honestly, and she could literally crush your, you know, your your skull with her thighs. I don't know if you want to risk talking to her, but she's she's not so bad either. Um you know, [expletive] happens here. I I I'm not gonna say it didn't. I'm not I don't know. Like, what do you have the names of those people? Maybe, you know, sometimes people like to flirt with me. I get their number, I save them. So maybe, you know, what's their name or the phone number?

[23:09] Probably the phone number would be most accurate.

[24:59] No, I uh I had that information, but uh due to a mishap with the madam here, uh I lost all that. So I'm kind of just I'm at my wit's end here. I don't know any more information other than there's missing people. I should have really done some better investigation. Um easy come, easy go, you know, hon. Oh, ain't that the truth, ma'am? Uh that is an interesting outfit you got on. Is that some kind of fin with your legs put together? What what do you got going on there?

[25:29] No, I'm a mermaid, dear. I'm a siren mermaid, okay? So that's not an act, you know. I don't know, I don't know if you're thinking this are smoke and mirrors, but we're actually like, you know, we're all wonders of the world, you know. As far as the blouse on top, that's just seaweed. I got tangled. There's some plastic from some soda cans. I got stuck. Okay, so the top is a little impromptu, if you know what I mean. But the bottom is all fish scale, if you know what I mean. She like winks, you know.

[25:55] Yeah, all right, I get that.

[25:56] You carnal chicken of a sea, that's what they call it.

[26:00] You guys sure do like to stay in character. All right. Well, I guess if uh that's all you got for me, I'll mosey on and probably go talk to that line tamer you talked about.

[26:10] Sounds good. And uh, you know, hun, if uh you have a feeling some kind of water sports, maybe some uh, you know, you know, I'm talking about some some slip inside, uh, you know where to find me.

[26:21] Oh right. That sounds interesting to say the least, ma'am. Okay and then uh on my way out, I'd like to like just do a quick like spot hidden check or investigation or something like that.

[26:33] Go ahead and do that.

[26:33] Just to see what's really going on in this aquarium. Uh 31 spot hidden is 85, so that's a pass. That's a uh not extreme, but hard pass.

[26:46] Um you don't see anything too out of the ordinary except for um this being an aquarium. You find some black feathers kind of here and there, um, which just seems out of place. Yeah, like you know, so that's that's really otherwise you kind of buy her story and like just you know, logic kind of says like she is between just being morbidly overweight and also having like a mermaid, like a fish bottom, she can literally not like get around. So you're as of right now, she's not a prime suspect. You would probably suspect. Uh and yeah, the aquarium doesn't have too much else. But yeah, some some weird black feathers if you want to pick one of those up.

[27:22] Yeah, I'll put one, I'll pick one up and then uh put it in my uh my notebook. Okay.

[27:25] Yeah, just don't give that to Madame Gloria.

[27:27] Yeah. And then uh I'll probably mosey on down and uh try to find the lion tamer.

[27:33] Okay. Uh so again, normally, you know, stuff like this, I'd have you do like navigation stuff, but it's in a big tent. Um so you know, then uh you hear uh outside uh uh a not so familiar voice, or maybe yeah, maybe we'll say it a familiar voice. Uh come one, come all, come see the lion tamer. Uh he's brave, he's courageous, and we're not talking about the tamer. Um it's just like uh, you know, it's like the what do you call the guy at like the like the ring ringleader? Yeah. Yeah. Like a ringmaster. Ringmaster. Yeah. It's like a ringmaster. Uh he's got like the big hat, he's wearing like a red jacket, he's got like a spinny cane, very animated. Um and yeah.

[28:20] What all goes on in in there? The the lion tamer in there, good sir.

[28:25] Oh, you know, uh oh, it's it's uh ahead of a show, you know, it's uh it's stunts and phantasmic magic and everything you could expect. But yeah, it's just a guy with a lion.

[28:36] Alright, I get that. You got those uh those people in there that uh fly from rope to rope?

[28:43] Oh yes, we normally do, but many of them have been injured because it is actually incredibly dangerous, and we did not invest in nets, and also lighting the nets on fire is not great. So they're on uh hiatus.

[28:56] I could see that. Uh we actually, just uh for the small talk, uh one of our new marshals, uh, Detective Grayson, was a trapeze artist, he would call it, and he said he had to retire after a family incident, and now he wants to become a lawman. It's just it's crazy the things you guys can do in the air like that. But it's absolutely amazing.

[29:17] Uh gymnasts are kind of like the Sith Lords. There can only be two of them. If there's really any more, then they'd fall to their death.

[29:24] I get that. Have there been a lot of deaths or uh anything strange like that going on here?

[29:31] The only thing dying is uh the uh the admission rate and uh our audience. But uh no, I don't know what you mean otherwise. Our stunts are dangerous, but very, very mortal or very lively.

[29:44] I don't know, people are alive. Alright, I could see that. Uh weird. Is the line tamer putting on a show right now?

[29:51] No, we're between shows, honestly. Uh, but listen, you're gonna have to buy a ticket.

[29:56] Uh, fair enough. How much is a ticket?

[29:59] I don't know what in your census research, how much uh did [expletive] cost back in?

[30:05] Okay, yeah, like one two quarters. Two quarters? That seems kind of outrageous for the show you're putting on here.

[30:11] Well, it's a great show. And where do you else do you get a lion? Uh back and well never mind.

[30:17] Where do you get a lion? That's true. I have no idea even where you would acquire a lion, especially legally. Exter it is. Alright, fair enough. Here's your 25 cents. Alright, thank you.

[30:33] Right this way, right this way, I will escort you right into the training grounds. Uh so he brings you in, big tent, um, empty audience. Um no way, no one's in right now. And there is just like in the very center, like I guess they're in like a we'll say like a training period. There's a lion tamer, and and and then that's really all you see. Uh, there's like a cage way off in the distance, but it's almost like it's not like it's not well lit right now because they're not like trying to conserve on anybody or something.

[30:33] So uh so there's like a some some cages and animals you see like far in the back of the room, but really it's just like the you see like a guy who you presume to be a lion tamer, he's got like a whip, um, and like some kind of safari getup. Um, and yeah, he's he's just kind of he seems like he's just like pretending to like yeah, just being real like kind of weird about it. Okay.

[31:23] Um excuse me, sir. Uh are you the lion tamer?

[31:27] Uh he turns at you and he just so uh I'll try to describe it to people who aren't watching. He uh he kind of just like moves his lips like and like but like no no noises coming out of his face. Um and then go ahead and give me a listen, right?

[31:46] That's uh uh yeah, it's uh or uh yeah, listen.

[31:50] Hey, listen.

[31:51] 67. Ooh, all right, I'm gonna use uh two points of luck to get that to work.

[31:58] With your astute uh uh government training, uh you while no noise seems to be coming out of the man, there seems to be a pattern of noise that matches his mouthing pattern over from the cages. Um yeah, so you you know, you you you start to speak and someone's just mouthing at you, but you hear some noises uh over the panel.

[32:20] Uh sir, are are you alright? Like, do you need any kind of assistance or anything like that?

[32:26] I'm gonna say because you you already passed your list and you can hear a little bit better, and you don't, again, not from his direction, but over from the cages can be like, Oh, he's just fine over there.

[32:36] But the one you want to talk to is me. Oh, alright. This is very okay. I'm just gonna head over to the cages and see what's going on over there.

[32:45] Uh so there's a number of animals. Uh there's like some chimps. Uh what else would you find at like a circus? Mostly just like some monkeys and then like a lion, um and I don't know, platypus. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, not elephant, because that'd be huge. Like that'd be a big ass cage to keep, like, just in the training. Okay. So uh yeah. Um, and yeah, so there's a bunch of animals, and uh the lion in particular, his back. He's like kind of laying down like any kind of feline, but he's like facing away.

[33:15] Okay. Um hello voice. You came over here from the cages. I need to speak with you about some disappearances.

[33:25] Well, what do we have here? Uh, and really you don't see any people still. Um, go ahead and give me like a spot hidden.

[33:35] 44.

[33:37] That's a regular pass. Okay. Um, yeah, it's coming, it's come from the lion. Um, but he has his back face to you. Right. Um, so uh, but yeah, he's like, come over here, big boy, so I can see you up close.

[33:52] I'll just uh walk over to the lion. Uh is there someone in there and with you in the lion cage there?

[34:00] And then it's gonna lunge at you. Um still in the cage, but give me like a trying to like startle you. Um I don't know, is there any kind of I don't think there's anything for that. I got a dodge. There's a like a survival. Yeah, well, it just give me like a it give me like a dodge, just uh just kind of see how you do you stumble backwards. That's a three. Okay, yeah. So you're like not face, so the lion like lunges at you, its face comes right up to the cage, and then but you just sit in there, like hold your ground, you know, like Texas, whatever, and yeah, you're just you're just uh staring directly at the lion.

[34:00] Um and then the lion's like it's like making mouth movements, but it's not like roaring. Um, and it's like well, what brings you to the show?

[34:50] Oh, what's what exactly is going on here? Am I talking to you, Mr. Lion?

[34:56] You sure are. Uh well, so to speak, you know, the the lion tamer, he uh kind of lost his voice a long time ago, but he he speaks through me. So, you know, you ask him questions, and uh he actually is right behind you, the lion tamer. You didn't notice us, he's like standing directly behind you. Um, so yeah, uh you direct your questions over to me, and uh, you know, I'll uh I'll go ahead and answer on his behalf, if you know what I mean.

[35:25] Alright, this is [expletive] weird, but uh here we go. Uh there's been a series. I can't believe I'm talking this [expletive] lion. This is the alright. Mr. Lion, there have been a series of missing persons reports that all lead to this here freak farm carnival. So, oh my god, do you know anything about it? Maybe a thing or two.

[35:53] Uh, you know, uh accidents happen. You heard about the gymnast, did you not? No, I did not. Well, you know, we removed the nets and uh people fell.

[36:06] You know, uh hubris, you know. So you're telling me there's been a unreported too close to the sun. There's been an unreported death here at the circus? Is that what you're trying to tell me?

[36:18] No, no, we we reported it.

[36:21] Alright, fair enough. But now what's that have to do with the missing people I'm looking for? Well, um I don't know about that.

[36:29] Maybe if you threw me some maybe a salmon, uh nice chorit. Something uh little something uh to you know wet my lips. Maybe I'll be more willing to help you out.

[36:44] Are you serious right now?

[36:46] Like dead serious, inspector.

[36:50] I can't believe I'm talking to this cat. I can't believe I'm talking to this cat right now. Uh do you have a basket of treats or something nearby that I can go grab and maybe give to you? Like what? Uh you're a cat. I'm a man. I can't believe I'm doing this.

[37:07] It's very the uh um the lion tamer like will like put his hand on your shoulder and then he'll like with his other hand point over to like there's like a bin of like just dead fish or whatever, like or like that.

[37:19] He just like alright, this is out of control, but whatever. I need to get to the bottom of this. I walk over there and grab a [expletive] fish.

[37:27] Okay.

[37:27] Uh and what do you what do you do with it? I bring it back to the lion. I'm like, is this is this what you wanted, Mr. Lion? Hmm. Yes. This looks quite fine. Why don't you toss it up in the air? I'll show you the trick. Oh my god, all right. This is outrageous. Here we here you go. I'm gonna throw this [expletive] fish. And then he throws the fish over to the lion.

[37:47] Yeah, so he like hops up on his like hind legs and he like bites it and like cheese it up a little bit and uh it just yeah, swallows eats the bones and [expletive]. I don't know how healthy that is. I don't know what lions eat. Didn't do didn't read the census for circus circus ex. Um but yeah, so he like licks his lips and then comes back over and lish, like you are a good man. Alright, alright. Missing persons. Yeah, I've heard there's been uh some stuff going on around the scenes here. You you know, uh well birdman, Mr. Inspector Bird Birdman?

[37:47] Yeah, birdman, man, I'm not sure, maybe it's plural, but uh well alright, so we used to have this act, you know, the uh the human birdman, and uh he uh you know he had these feathers, these black feathers. We called him uh Mr. Bippy. And uh he was uh yeah, it was kind of uh it was a real freak show, you know. The rest of us, we have art, you know, we're artists of sorts, but he was just a monster in a cage. Alright. Coming from a lot talking about, yeah. So he got out a while ago. He was he was not well, you know. People, the audience, not very nice to this Mr. Bippy, and uh he kind of went a little loco.

[37:47] Um well he disappeared, uh, so he is prime suspect number one for missing persons, both missing himself and missing out.

[39:15] Alright, about how long ago do you think this Mr. uh Bippy was it, uh disappeared from the circus freaks farm thing?

[39:24] How many how long ago since those missing persons were discovered?

[39:29] I've been chasing this lead for about two years, and then the number keeps growing every time the circus moves town.

[39:35] Yeah, I'd say about two years.

[39:38] Alright. Give it take. You haven't seen or heard of Bippy in this whole time period? Hmm. I'm gonna need another snack. You're you're you serious?

[39:49] I just gave you a big old fish. All right, all right. Let me out of this cage then. It's getting off of the cramped in here.

[39:55] Alright, I I understand that I'm talking to you, uh, me a human being, and you a lion, and I gave you a fish, and now you want me to let you out? I look over at the I look over at the lion tamer and like, are you serious right now? Are you the He just like he nods? You want me to let this this lion, this wild animal, this big old hell cat out of this cage?

[40:20] Yeah, Mr. Uh Gary over there, yeah.

[40:23] He says, uh Oh, you can trust him. He's a really great guy. He doesn't like to do anything but eat flesh of aquatic animals.

[40:33] Alright, now what if what's to stop you from going over to the aquarium and just wreaking havoc on all the people? I I on good conscience, as a good Christian man, cannot let a wild beast roam around this circus when there's children here.

[40:51] You understand that? I mean, uh the audience looks empty to me, Mr. Mr. Inspector.

[40:58] What was your name again? US Marshall Cain, Mr. Cat, is all you need to worry about. Leo. Call me Leo. Alright, Leo. Uh you know what? For being a cat. I I I can't believe this. I'm not talking to a cat. If let the lion tamer let you out if you want to get out, and that's about it.

[41:24] That's a great idea. Gary. And uh Gary's gonna go over, and uh you're not gonna stop him. You're gonna let him just un I'm gonna see what's going on.

[41:33] Like maybe like in my head, like maybe this is like part of their act or something. Like, there's no way I like obviously he's like a ventriloquist or so. He's throwing his voice to the cat. So I'm like, maybe this is part of their act, and so I'm just gonna watch it unfold.

[41:46] So yeah, he uh so he undoes the cage, uh, opens it up, like opens the doors up, and roll a dodge.

[41:55] Oh my god, that's a shale.

[41:56] Uh so the lion immediately pounces on you and kind of pins you down. Oh, get off of me! Mmm, you a tall man, handsome in a fact, too, mister Mr. Citizen Kane. Gary, do something about this hail cat. He's like he just like kind of puts up his hand. Gary is a little bit of a pushover, you know what I mean. He should be the one in the cage. In fact, that's our whole act. I actually put him in the cage and I walk around calling the shots.

[42:27] Alright, I can see that, but if you could kindly get your big old body off of me, I have business to conduct. You are assaulting a U.S. Marshal.

[42:36] Hmm. Or you could just be another one of those missing persons and I could eat you up.

[42:44] Was that a threat, lion? And like I uh if I can move to like get my gun from its holster and like put it in the lion's face.

[42:53] Yeah, yeah, I'll say you go ahead and do that. Uh just give me a weapons handling, uh, just to make sure.

[42:58] Like you're kind of like Yeah, being like 52, that's a regular pass.

[43:02] Okay, yeah, so you don't like drop it or anything. So um, yeah, he's like, well, well, uh, no need to get rowdy, just playing. I would never do anything to a man like you. Nice, nice looking gentleman, government worker. Uh, and it like the lion gets off of you, um, and then like goes and like gets on top of the like stool that they like do like that trick on and just kind of sits and starts like pruning himself.

[43:29] God damn, I put my gun away. Like, this is ridiculous. I'm getting tired of this carnival and all the shenanigans running around here, destroying evidence, assaulting an officer. This is ridiculous. Well, if you don't want to play our games, then you best get out of here. I should take every single one of you under arrest right now. But I I appreciate the information you have given me, and I'll leave you to whatever it is you people, cat people, whatever you. Are you doing in this tent? I'm gonna go on my way. I got another guy I need to talk to. Now, if you could point me in the direction of Zoltan, and I'll be on my way. Thank you very much.

[44:11] Like, well, very nice meeting you uh detective. I hope you you find what you're looking for. And if you don't, I could always be a part of our show. If you like uh cages and bondage, then that's our thing. And as you see that, like uh the Gary's like getting into like a harness, and then he crawls into the cage and like closes himself in. Um and then he just like points in a direction.

[44:33] Um well, thank you, Gary. Yeah, damn. This whole place run by a bunch of perverts. I can't deal with this [expletive] right now. I'm not talking to a lion. I like I'm talking to myself. It's like I'm leaving the tent. I'm like, this is [expletive] ridiculous.

[44:49] And uh you don't hear this, but uh Gary is off to the side, like he's always a funny one. That one. Um okay, yeah. So uh you you've left. Uh you've been pointing the nerves.

[45:03] I want to like do one more like spot hidden if I can.

[45:06] Uh okay. Uh give me a roll.

[45:11] 37. That is a ooh, hard pass.

[45:14] Okay. Yeah, you're gonna say that you find um as you're walking out, you like walk through some of the it's like through the like um seating area or benches or whatever, whatever you call them. Um, and you something like uh a light glints and like it catches your eye like on the ground of like one of the seats where someone would sit. You see something shiny. Ooh, um go investigating. Um well the people are still watching you, so give me like a a stealth. Okay.

[45:46] Um, it's a 97, it's a fail.

[45:50] Okay. So you're not very stealthy. You might need to come back. Um because right now they are just straight up staring at you. Gary in his cage, and the lion is just on his bench, like licking himself, but like staring directly at you.

[46:02] I'm just gonna make a mental note that maybe I need to come back when nobody's around. Investigate this circus tent a little more.

[46:07] Excellent. Okay. Uh so you go back out and the crowd is already thinning. Like it's just uh people are quickly losing interest. The show has seen better days for sure. Well, what else we're doing?

[46:22] We're looking really thin around here. I better, I better find this Zoltan.

[46:26] Yeah. So looking at the map, there is the Zoltan, there is the strong woman, um, and the and then like the fun house area. All right, I think I'm gonna go straight to the Zoltan. All right. Uh, so you go, it's kind of like we mentioned this was on a pier somehow, even though suppose that we were near Tucson or something. But you go to this, like at the end of the park, it goes out to a pier and it looks like total hazard. Like does not look safe. Um, and on it as like some like carnival games that aren't being like run anymore. But at the end of the pier, you see a Zalton machine and it's like lit up.

[47:00] Um they want me to talk to a [expletive] machine. This place is driving me bananas. I can't deal with this. But if it's all I got, I'll walk up to the machine.

[47:13] Okay. Uh so uh as you go through uh the machine like the lights kind of like turn off, like it power us down, and like those often like just like looks looks down like as if like powering down.

[47:28] Okay. I'm gonna knock on the glass and be like, hey, you real person in there, you wake up and you give me some information.

[47:36] Um give me uh an electric repair. Oh no.

[47:42] It's a 10. Oh, it's a one.

[47:46] Wow, folks, that is I mean, there's not a lower like literally out of uh like uh a hundred, he got the one, like the top one percent roll. Yeah. So I'm gonna say that you like you walk around the back, and in your previous years before you worked for the government, you also like were kind of like an electrician or something, and you go back and you like change some stuff, and then you also see like not that he wasn't plugged in, but you see like some cables that you like move around, and uh it like powers back up, and uh and then you hear uh well uh looks like you uh give me a little bit of a jump.

[47:46] Uh these days uh I lose a little bit of juice, you know what I mean? Uh thanks, pal. What can I do for ya?

[48:33] I don't even know what's going on right now. Uh are you machine? Am I talking to to just some machine? I'm whatever you want it to be. I'm the future. You got questions? I got answers. Fair enough, I don't have much else to go on, so why not [expletive] it? Uh do you know anything about missing people here at the the carnival? Freak farm, freak show.

[48:55] The like coin slot like lights up. It's just like a like a light dancing around the coin slot. Yeah. And he's just like smiling and grinning at you. You son of a [expletive].

[49:04] I'm spending more money here than any other place I go. Popping like it's like nickels or something. I don't know.

[49:10] Yeah. Um, so it like goes in and it does like the whole thing, it starts at the top and it like goes around and then like it goes like into his ear and then out the other ear and all this like crazy stuff. And then like he uh like literally like starts to like cough a little bit and then he like spits out like a ball that like goes down and it like comes out and it's like a you know, you like crack it open. All right, I open it up. It's like a little wet. Um and then uh you you read it and it says uh what was your question originally?

[49:38] Sorry, your first do you know anything about disappearances around here?

[49:41] Uh he says uh yes, there have been seven, uh at least seven disappearances. No, he doesn't say it, sorry, it says it on the paper. And they're like, not bad, huh?

[49:51] Yeah, all right. I I can see. I don't really know the trick yet, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. It seems you got some information. So uh do you know of anybody who might be involved in these disappearances? And I pop in another [expletive] coin.

[50:07] So he like his hands are visible, so he's cut off from like under the armpits, so his chest and his arms are still visible, and so he's like putting his hands around the crystal ball. Same thing, coin goes through, goes through his ears, goes down. He like spits out a ball and uh it comes out and he opens it up. And sorry, and sorry, what was the question you get distracted?

[50:22] Do you know about any uh person that's involved in these disappearances?

[50:27] Oh, uh yeah. So you you open it and it says uh Bippy's the man, uh you're he's the one you're gonna want to come to terms with.

[50:36] Alright, fair enough. Check my pocket. I got like one coin left. I'm like, oh [expletive]. Uh can I find Bippy here at the circus? And I put in my last coin.

[50:49] Uh same thing, it all happens. Uh it spits it out, um, and you open it, and it says, uh, some questions are better not answered. You piece of [expletive] [expletive]. And I go and like just He says, wait. And then uh he's going to lunge both of his hands through the glass and grab you by the neck and try to choke you. Uh so go ahead and give me like uh give me like a like what was it, fighting brawl to like try to fight fight free.

[51:18] Oh my god, okay. It's a 53, I barely passed.

[51:21] You passed. Alright. So you like we're gonna say, since you only barely pass, you you just like get his hands off of you and you like back up and he's like, listen, you don't want to find out what you're looking for. Get out of here. Get out of here fast if you know what's good for you.

[51:34] I'm afraid, Mr. Talking Machine, that's not an option that I have. As a U.S. Marshal, I took an oath and I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. Why am I [expletive] talking to you? I'm losing my goddamn mind in this place. And I just go like kick his little cabinet and try to knock it out.

[51:50] Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what happens. It's on the edge of the pier. He's like, No, why would you do that? And he like falls into the water and then like doesn't sink, it just starts to like float away.

[51:58] He's like, [expletive] you, Inspector. Like, this is getting ridiculous. I'm talking to a lion, I'm talking to a machine, I'm losing my goddamn mind in this place. I need to get some more answers on this bippy. Let me check the map. Where else do I got to go? I got a strong woman, yeah.

[52:15] Uh strong woman, and then uh way off in the corner, you have a fun house.

[52:19] Alright, fair enough. Uh, I guess I'll go try to investigate this strong woman. I mean, how strong could she be? I'll check her out first.

[52:27] Okay. Uh so you get there and it's just like a powerlifting grounds, like, and there's like some benches, and actually there's some people, again, that same neckbeard guy, um, and then like some just some other stuff. Um, and let me respect you. Let me respect you. And she's just like, you know, lifting [expletive] up like crazy. Um, and uh she's wearing these like really thick, really oversized gloves. Um, and she's got a little bit of facial hair too. We'll go ahead and mix that in. Okay. And but yeah, she's just lifting stuff. It's almost like she's working out. Like she's not like she's just training. Like, this isn't even a show per se. She's just like doing her root her daily fitness routine type deal.

[53:07] Uh, excuse me there, sir. Uh, I'm looking for the strong woman. You happen to know where she'd be? Uh you sell yes? Uh I don't know what an accent that is, but oh, very serious there, sir. I'm looking for the the strong woman. Uh, you look like a rather built gentleman yourself. Uh, can you point me in her direction? I was told I need to talk to her.

[53:28–53:50] [Editorial omission.]

[53:50] Oh well, uh, sorry about that. I don't know this whole uh pronoun game they got rolling around these days. Uh if you're the the strong woman, it's uh pleasure to meet you. Uh my name's Ezra Kane, and I'm a U.S. Marshal. I'm here uh Don't care. Get out. Okay, fair enough. I was just hoping you could answer just a couple questions for me. I I'm sorry that I was rude before and uh misidentified you. I know that's a big cause for concern in these days, and I I apologize sincerely for that. Give me a fast talk.

[54:22] God, you should have put [expletive] into this. Oh, it's way fail. It's 86.

[54:26] Wayfa. Um like you sex is big. I know like your type men. Uh-huh. Get out, leave. I have no time for you. You're [expletive].

[54:37] Alright, I can I can understand that.

[54:39] I will crush you with my bare hands.

[54:41] Well, if you want to go fist and cuffs right now, I'm not afraid. I'm getting kind of pissed off about this carnival place. They got me talking to some fish lady who won't get out of character for two goddamn seconds.

[54:52] As you say that, she starts to like take off her gloves, and she has quite literally bare hands.

[54:59] Now I've had enough of this. You take off those gloves, those bare gloves. You take those off, and let's have an honest, straight conversation. Just me and you, man to woman.

[55:12] Since you're so big and strong, why don't you take off my gloves? And she like puts her hands out.

[55:17] All right, fine. If this is what I what it takes to get some information out of you, it looks like we're gonna go fist and cuffs. And I roll up my sleeves and do the little button on the side, roll up the sleeve, do the little button, and you get ready to deal with Jack and Johnson. That's why I still call my fist right here. This one's Jack, this one's Johnson. Jack Johnson. I'm about to mess you up. All right, give me another fighting brawl then.

[55:39] Um, yeah. Ooh, no, wait. That's bad. That's a hundred. That's the hardest. That's bad. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad.

[55:47] I'm in trouble.

[55:48] Um, yeah, so literally you got now you went from the best possible roll out of a hundred to the worst possible roll out of a hundred. These are crazy rolls. These are one percent rolls. They're all over the place. Um, and so you go to like take a swing, and literally she like grabs with her bare hand one of your hands and just starts crushing it, and like the pain is so bad, she's like brings you down to your knees. Dang. And then she just like with the other hand, like strokes like your face so you can like feel. She's like, Do these feel like gloves, Mr. Detective?

[56:20] Alright, I'll give it I I I give it to you. You're pretty strong, ma'am. Now, if you don't let me go, I swear you're gonna regret it.

[56:27] Oh, you don't get your pronouns, very nice. Uh, and uh she'll go ahead and like release you.

[56:32] Yeah, it's well, okay.

[56:34] Uh what do you want? I don't have time.

[56:36] Now listen, I only need some information. Now, I've got a little bit here at the carnival, and I need to get in touch with a Mr. Bippy. I think he is behind these disappearances, and if you know anything about them, if you could help me out one eye. We don't talk about Bippy here. Now, why not? What happened? Bad things happened with Bippy. Like what what could a a a bird person do? Exactly. You ever been to a rock bottom detective? Uh it was right next to Bikini Bottom.

[57:09] Oh, very funny. In Russia, you would be the joke.

[57:13] Nah, I get that. I can see with your big old bare hands.

[57:17] So listen. Uh obviously not everything is as it seems here. He'd not actually Birdman with this Bippy. Bippy was a man who, you know, he had uh some promiscuous practices and uh not very frowned upon in his culture. So his people, they tarred him and feathered him permanently. That's why he looked like a birdman. Uh you know, black tar, black feathers, uh all of the about. Uh it it messes with the man, messes with the psyche. Uh you you don't want to mess with men like that. He could do anything, he could make you disappear.

[57:57] Alright, at least I'm getting some straight answers now. I knew there was no bird person, I knew there's no god dang talking lion. Now. The talking and I end this video, but the goddess. Alright, besides the point, alright, you guys like to stay in your character, I get it. Now, where I know you I shouldn't be looking for this, Mr. Bippy, but I got no other choice. Now, where's the last place you knew of Mr. Bippy's whereabouts? And can you point me in that direction so I can find these missing people and save their lives and be on my way and get out of this [expletive] freak show, ma'am?

[58:36] What did you say?

[58:38] I need to find Mr. Bippy.

[58:40] No, the part about getting out of the freak show. Which freak are you uh speaking of? And maybe choose your words very cafedy.

[58:50] Well, honestly, ma'am, I would never call a lady a freak myself, and I I instantly regret trying to assault you. Like I that is beneath me as a gentleman, not because you kicked my ass, but because that's not what a gentleman does.

[59:04] Give me a survival check.

[59:05] Trying to back talk my way out of this. That's a 10.

[59:08] Alright, that's that's a super good role for you. Um, she's going to uh she's gonna put the man down, and she's going to be like, You have 10 seconds before I crush you to a fault. Do not look for what you're looking for. Go out about your day, maybe even try leaving the pocket for once.

[59:27] Alright, ma'am. I can I can see this isn't going anywhere. I I came off on the wrong foot, and I'm sorry. I apologize. Sincerely, I do. Uh I'll just be on my way. You you have a good day now, you hear?

[59:41] Yeah.

[59:44] God damn [expletive] Amazon woman with those bear gloves on. If she didn't have those bear gloves, I could have had an honest fight with her, you know? Could have had it. Uh what's the last place I gotta check the fun house?

[59:57] That's all you got left, and then you you did spot something over in the uh in the uh uh the tent that with the lion's hammer earlier. Okay.

[60:06] Uh yeah, before I head to the fun house, I'm gonna try to sneak back over to the tent.

[60:09] Okay. You have to give me another stealth again. Come on. To get by.

[60:13] Show me potato salad. Oh [expletive], it's 89 again. Apparently I'm not very stealthy today.

[60:18] Alright, so uh you aren't very stealthy, but and you're kind of lucky because nobody appears to be the ring the ring what uh Ringmaster. Ringmaster uh does not appear to be there at the moment, so there's nobody at the front. So you poke in and you also don't seem to see uh anybody anybody there.

[60:36] Alright, I'm gonna walk in there and try to go to that spot where I found the shiny thing.

[60:40] Okay. Uh you go over there and you you give me a navigate um to just kind of get through the like the benches and whatnot. Wow.

[60:49] Another one!

[60:50] Another one. He's rolling one out of a hundred, and then he rolled so two one out of a hundreds, and then earlier a hundred out of a hundred. Like, that's crazy.

[60:57] These are uh off the charts rolls.

[60:59] Off the chart rolls. Um okay, yep. So you you navigate right to it and you find a wallet, and even though you uh Madame Galora burnt that list, you did recognize uh the name, the ID in this uh wallet was uh the same as one of the names on there of the missing person. So you know like the missing person's. I knew I was on something here, and then your your thing was so good. Uh you navigated so well, you're gonna navigate further around, you're still kind of curious about that talking. You don't believe it's a talking lion.

[60:59] So you're gonna navigate around to like the other side of the tent, like it's a big circle, and you you kind of like come up behind the the cages, and there's no you don't see Gary, you don't see Leo, um, but you see a bunch of other animals. You're now looking on it and further inspection, there's also some parrots and whatnot. Um, and the parrot's gonna make eye contact with you because you didn't step very well.

[61:48] Right.

[61:50] Ah, bippy.

[61:52] I look around, I can't believe I'm [expletive] doing this, but uh parrot bird. Do you know something about Bippy?

[62:01] Ah, Bibi, Bippy here, Bibi here.

[62:03] Oh [expletive]. Uh uh. Pull out my gun. Where's Bippy? Can you uh point a wing or something? I can't this is so stupid. Uh this circus is [expletive] me up. Can you point a wing to where you think Bippy might be, Mr. Parrot?

[62:21] Bibi, look in the mirror, Bibi looks in the mirror, Bibi Bippy.

[62:25] No mirror. Alright. Uh check around. There's no mirrors in here, right? No. Alright, so that can only mean one thing. Time to head to the funhouse.

[62:34] Okay. Uh so you head out, no problems. Uh nobody found you there. Um uh and yeah, if there's nothing else you want to do, uh, the funhouse will be the final act.

[62:47] Uh yeah, I think uh I think I'm pretty much fed up with this circus at this point and all the the shenanigans going on around here, and I'm ready to hit it, get to our conclusion here.

[62:57] I'm gonna find Bippy. All right. Okay, so you enter the fun house and it is dead empty. Uh, you hear like there's like recorded, what you believe to be recorded noises of like children laughter that appear every so often. Like it's kind of creepy. Oh my god. It's the it's the wacky wavy, so there's mirrors that just make you look fat. There's mirrors that make you look totally not even like human. There's all kinds of mirrors in there. So um go ahead and give me a I think we'll do uh you can either do spot hidden or navigate. Um to start.

[63:27] We'll do spot hidden. Oh, dang, that's a nine.

[63:29] Yeah, nine, another good roll. Um you did a nine in spot hidden. So that okay. Yep. So you see one of the reflections looks a bit um off. Ooh, okay.

[63:40] I'm gonna walk up to it and uh give me a navigate. So if yeah, if I can walk up to it, yeah. That'd be a 29. What's my navigate? Only a 10. Uh I'm gonna use 19 points.

[63:51] I got a lot of luck. Okay. Uh so yeah, you see the mirror and you start to walk in its direction, but you realize that what you saw in the mirror was a reflection and you didn't necessarily you didn't so uh you actually you actually navigate over to the mirror that you you notice something. Um and in that mirror, what you see, uh aside from like different variations of view, you see uh kind of like a black silhouette, uh kind of like covered, partially covered by like a structure, but like in the back somewhere.

[64:22] Oh, okay, like through the mirror. So like uh uh as I'm navigating through, I'm gonna pull out my knife and kind of like tap on the glass as I'm walking just to make sure none of these are like a false door.

[64:32] Um I'm gonna say give me like a I don't know, there's like mech repair, that's kind of dumb. Um yeah, whatever. Just because if you want survival, okay.

[64:45] Because if you want to, Nate, we can still do straight uh these rolls, or you can even make me do a luck roll since I've used luck, and if like it does require luck to find something, then like yeah, I can do that.

[64:55] Not luck, but well, that's intelligence, right? Yeah, uh give me like an intelligence, which is really high. So yeah, 50. Yep, so that's a good one. So uh yeah, you're tapping around and uh you you go around in some of the different mirrors and you hear like uh like a hollowness to one of the mirrors. Ooh, okay.

[65:14] Um I'm gonna take my knife and try to like wedge it between the glass and the frame and see if it'll like pop loose or something like that. 67. I'll use seven points of luck again. Really cutting down on that luck.

[65:33] All right. Uh so yeah, you you kind of like pop it like off and you're able to like carefully it comes like out of its frame, and then there's like a path that opens up, still mirrored, okay. Um, but like another path like behind that space. Okay. Uh you're gonna go ahead and explore it. Oh, what's the like the lighting situation? Is that dark? It's dark, dark. Dark. Like you can like you're only there's reflections, the light behind you is like leaking into that room and reflecting the That's really the only light coming from that area.

[66:02] I'm really on to something. I don't know if I'll be able to get back to this. So I can't go get my lantern out of the car or nothing. I'm just gonna have to keep pushing forward. I'm gonna try to be careful though. Okay. Uh give me a spot hidden.

[66:18] 38.

[66:21] Um okay, so you see another like black outline in one of the mirrors. Uh like a person in like a bird shape or whatnot.

[66:28] Bippy, are you in here? Mr. Bippy.

[66:33] Uh you don't give me a listen.

[66:40] 65.

[66:42] Yeah, so alright, you hear like some some like ruffling kind of like in the distance of like walking down the corridor and whatnot. Um so yeah, did you want to follow that noise?

[66:52] Yeah, I'm gonna follow that noise, but I'm still gonna yell out like uh Mr. Bippy, if that's you, this is US Marshal Ezra Kane, and I I need to ask you some questions. Give me an intelligence check-in. Uh 60.

[67:07] Cool. Uh you're noticing as you like are walking through, uh, like your reflections are changing more and more. Uh, and like you're uh starting to like the reflection is starting to look like uh Bippy a little bit.

[67:20] Oh [expletive]. This is terrifying.

[67:24] So when you look in the mirror, it's like Bippy's like looking through to you and or like looking behind you because there's mirrors on both sides, and so it's really really creepy. Give me uh um what sanity? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, give me a sanity roll. Oh, that's a fail.

[67:38] I only got a 55.

[67:40] Yeah, that's a fail. Okay. So uh go ahead and roll a D4 to duck sanity.

[67:46] Three?

[67:47] Okay. Um 55. Getting a little freaked out now. You're starting to seem like uh he's like surrounding you. Um go ahead. Uh we're gonna say give me one more navigate. And if there's any other skill you want to use to like kind of 27. Because this is very like labyrinth-y, very like maze-like.

[68:10] Um I don't know what else I could use besides a navigate for that to make it fair. Okay. So yeah, I'm gonna say that's a fail then. So I'm all shook up from seeing all the pippies.

[68:21] It'll all shook up. So uh you see, all right, then like a light come out of the corner, um, which almost looks like uh like a like a doorway to a new room or something. Okay. Um, and upon going inside, it's a room no more, there's still surrounded by mirrors, but now it's just a square room. So the mirrors are very predictable because it's a square, and there's a pedestal in the middle, and then there's a box. Um just a box on a pedestal. Alright.

[68:46] If you're playing some kind of game with me, Bippy, it ain't gonna work, you hear?

[68:51] Um, and then in the mirror, uh, you see your reflection, and uh it starts to morph a little bit into like a gentleman, and the eyes turn yellow. And uh he's like, Can I help you find something? So you've wandered very far today.

[69:10] I see. Uh what what's your deal and what's this box? What am I doing here? I'm here looking for for Mr. Bippy. I'm a US Marshal, and you can't be playing games with me like this, alright? Yes, yes.

[69:24] Well, games are quite fun, but uh if you're not enjoying them, then uh we'll have to do something about that. Now, this Mr. Bippy, what uh what would he say he looks like?

[69:35] I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's a large bird person, black feathers, black tar on him, and just a man that's been tarred and feathered. And he I I just need him for some questioning. Alright, sir. Now I who are you, sir, in the mirror? Now talk to me now.

[69:53] Uh some call me Kastner, but that's neither here nor there. Nothing you really need to know. What I can tell you is I have unfortunately not seen that Mr. Bippy around today. But uh what I might be able to do, uh the box is uh actually uh very skilled. Uh it can actually bring people back. So it might be able to bring back the Bippy you're looking for.

[70:15] All inside this little wooden box here on this pedestal. Yes, you heard it. You've seen many, many a mystery here. Uh do you still doubt? Nah, I've seen some crazy [expletive] around here. A bunch of people pretending they're fish people and pretending they got bare hands and uh some guy who can throw his voice into a lion's voice, and I've seen that kind of shenanigans going on. So you know what? At this point, [expletive] it. I'm gonna go over there and open up your box and I'll play your little game because I'm getting sick of this cat and mouse game we got going on here.

[70:46] Like, okay, like as you wish. Um, so yeah, you go ahead and give me uh give me one more survival check.

[70:56] 21. I don't miss where's my survival.

[70:59] That's right here. Yeah, you pass. Okay. Um, it's just normal pass. Um you hesitate a little bit. You you're actually kind of like freaked out a little bit, but this box doesn't look this box looks really ornate. Um, and then like, why is it in the back of this room? And like, why is it? So you hesitate for a moment, be like, what's the matter, friend? I thought you wanted the answers you were looking for.

[71:21] Hold on. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts here for a second. Just something in my guts telling me that something's off here. You know, like first of all, I'm talking to you, mirror person, won't even give me a straight answer. And now you want me to open this box? What if there's something more to it than that?

[71:38] Uh, so he's like, he's like, he's in the mirror and he's gonna step out of the mirror. Um be like, what mayor are you talking about, friend? You're okay. That's just all illusions here. Like you said, everybody has an act. Mine's mirrors, smokes in mirrors, as you can tell. Uh, nothing to nothing to worry about here. I'm just as real as anybody else. And uh, well, this box is uh answer to all your questions.

[72:00] I just don't understand. First of all, you need to keep your distance from me. I'm tired of these games. I'm be honest with you, friend.

[72:08] Well, okay, all right.

[72:09] I'm freaking out a little bit, alright? I don't deal well with this kind of weird shenanigans. Now you want me to open this box, why don't you just open this box and give me the information? Why don't you just give me the information? How about that? I'm tired of playing games. You know what? I pull out my pistol and I'm gonna point it out and be like, I'm tired of playing these games. Now I'm gonna get some answers. I'm a U.S. Marshal for crying out loud. Now you're gonna answer me straight. Where can I find Mr. Bippy? And where can you can you lead me to the missing people I'm looking for?

[72:36] Give me a weapons handling.

[72:40] 44.

[72:41] Yes. Okay. Um, I don't like kindly being threatened, Mr. Uh Mr. Ezra Kane, uh, Detective Ezra Kane. Uh I'm here to help you, but if you don't want to be helped, uh, well, maybe you just might end up like one of those other missing persons. And he like steps forward towards you. Oh, now is And his eye is getting more yellow.

[73:02] Is that a threat, sir? I will take that.

[73:04] That's a promise, my friend. You don't take one more step closer towards me.

[73:07] He takes another step. Oh, that's I'll blast him. I just start blasting.

[73:11] Okay. Uh you shoot and it goes straight through as if he was in a mirror and the mirror shatters, and then you see him in other mirrors. It's like, oh, uh, looks like uh poor shot. Like, guess I didn't teach you that at the Academy.

[73:25] Oh [expletive], I'm losing my mind right now.

[73:27] Why don't you just open the box, friend? I'm not here to hurt you. I just you know, I I just want to help you. Some things are better experienced, you know? I look around. Can I uh clearly see where I came into this room?

[73:40] No.

[73:40] Oh [expletive].

[73:41] Uh give me give me. Can I use sanity to like as just like a how clear of mind you are? Or yeah, I want to use it that way.

[73:50] Was my sanity down? Oh, that's a fail again because I'm down there 52.

[73:54] You're you're very thrown off now. Like it almost doesn't even all these mirrors, it doesn't even look like you entered in anywhere. It just looks all the same. Oh man, I'm freaking out.

[74:04] Uh tick tock, tick tock. How many people are you gonna let die, Mr. Kane? No, don't rush me now. I'm trying I'm trying to think these things through, alright? What is a box gonna do you, my friend? You know what? You want me to open a damn box, I'll open a damn box. How about that? How about it? Hey, I walk over and I like I put my gun away and I take like the tip of my knife and I just like slowly start lifting up the corner of it with just my knife.

[74:31] Uh it won't lift with the knife. Like it's like it's like it almost feels like it's like you don't see any lock on it, but it won't lift like.

[74:38] No, I put the knife away. Like, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but uh I tried opening your box and it didn't open. How about that? Hmm. Well, maybe you need to look deeper inside of yourself. Fine. Uh grab the lid with both pants, my thumbs underneath, and I just start trying to pry open the box.

[75:00] So it works, and as you open it, a bunch of like ravens like fly out. Um, and then uh give me a sanity roll. We're gonna do a few of them. Hey, if that's another fail, um, so we're gonna you're gonna do two of these.

[75:17] Uh three, holy crap, five points. Okay.

[75:20] And then uh you're gonna look in the mirror, and you're gonna give me another sanity roll. Fail again. So you're gonna roll three of these.

[75:31] Oh my god.

[75:34] Uh and oh my god, okay.

[75:36] Holy [expletive], dude.

[75:38] You got four, four, you got three fours out of that was the max roll. Okay. Um, and so your shape starts to morph into like a black bird person. Um, and then give me another sanity roll.

[75:52] Oh my god, this is not going good. A fail. Failed again.

[75:57] Really?

[75:58] By one point, yeah.

[75:59] Oh [expletive]. Okay. Uh and wow, that's great. Go ahead and roll. So you're now rolling four. Uh each time he's failing, he's um adding another D4 or four-sided die.

[76:12] Two, six, nine more points of sanity lost.

[76:16] What are you what are you at?

[76:17] Holy crap. Okay, uh, that'd be I'm down to twenty-six now.

[76:21] Okay.

[76:22] Um which only had fifty something.

[76:24] Memories start to flood your mind, and you um you you start to like remember, like you start, it's like you're experiencing being tarred and feathered, like as if it like happened to you, and you're like, you're remembering. Um, give me another sanity roll.

[76:41] Oh my god, it just keeps getting lower and lower.

[76:44] That's a fail. Um, so another D4. Yeah, another D4. Holy [expletive], dude.

[76:50] Um, that'd be one, two, three, four, five. So you looked at a lot of ones on that one. Yeah, that one wasn't bad. I'm down to 20 sanity now.

[77:02] Um that was that was a good role for you, then God, because you're you're getting really low. Um, so uh you start to you actually remember uh sneaking up on somebody in the the tent with like the lion show and like grabbing them and like dragging them and like hitting them with a blunt object and murdering them and then like hiding their body um somewhere in uh the like somewhere else in the park, uh maybe the like the food concessions area or something creepy. Give me another sanity roll.

[77:29] Oh my god, what's going on? What what are you doing to me?

[77:32] Um my god, that's a super failed. Okay. Um we running out of D4s? Yeah, so I'll give you a D eights. Um take two of those away and do that.

[77:43] Yep. A holy [expletive], 12, uh, 16, 19. Oh, I got one sanity point left.

[77:55] Um, yeah, so you uh all these vivid memories that you like went and you kill people, and then we're gonna we're gonna leave it. Um you come you go black for a sec, and then uh you wake up and you're outside Madame Galora's trailer, um, and you go to knock on the trailer, and she says, uh, uh you're late, I've been expecting you. Come in. And uh it ends. And uh that is it.

[78:24] Dang!

[78:25] Like, what happened? Uh yeah, so I don't know. I was going for some kind of like uh you if you pass like a bunch of the sanity stuff at the end, then you would have like maybe you wouldn't have become Bippy, like someone you maybe would have like stumbled on him or something. But you because you like repeatedly failed and then it just kind of spired out of control, uh, you just like went into insanity, and how it kind of is is like you are you are Mr. Bippy, you're kind of the character, you just keep forgetting, and so you keep like investigating, and that's there's like little comments. If you go back and listen to the show, they're like, Oh, why are you back? Like, why are you here today?

[78:25] Or like, you know, um, I think someone calls you like uh strutting your feathers around and stuff. There's like a couple comments I made, hopefully. I I did my best, it wasn't super great, but uh trying to basically you're just this like crazy person who just keeps like they all entertain you at the they all like protect you at the show, and they just you know, like you you never really asked like what you look like, or you never really like investigated um uh there wasn't a lot of people there, so you didn't interact with any of the audience. The audience might have actually been more honest with you about like maybe you're what you look like or what's going on. You didn't talk to anybody, yeah, exactly.

[78:25] So uh yeah, so you are a part of the show, uh part of the ship, part of the crew, like a shutter island twist. Um and then I don't know, I in my head I'm imagining there's this like lore, like, right. So we established that if you like fall asleep with the box, you like you get like you know, like transported to this realm, whether you have to like open it or whatnot. But I also imagine that like weak-minded people or strong-minded people like can be tempted by the box and it can just like it's almost like you can open it and just like weird effects can happen. So there's there's there's more to the box than just like falling asleep with it or when it gets opened or whatnot.

[80:08] It has more like things that it does.

[80:10] And then I was trying to go for that, like that guy that keeps reoccurring if he was at the end uh over there trying to talk to you and not trying to lure you into a box.

[80:17] So man, that was good. That was great.

[80:19] Wow, yeah. So all right, that that is all we have for today. Um, so uh our closing pitch for you uh today uh is we're gonna ignore. I usually tell you to like do all these other things, just do one thing. If you enjoy our show, if you enjoyed this episode or even other episodes in the past, just share one of our episodes on your social media channel. So if you have uh Facebook or you have whatever, Instagram, Spotify, whatever you're using, just go ahead and share an episode so that other people can can discover us and and maybe find us as well. Um and then yeah, as I mentioned, if uh if you tried becoming a patron before and uh were stumped because we're idiots, uh we fix that. So try again.

[80:19] Oh, try again. It's only a dollar. Um, and that is all I got. Nate, I'm glad to have you back on the show. I look forward to we got some big things coming for season two. Huge things for season two. So get ready. We're kind of had a little bit of a low. We're kind of getting ready for the next season and and recovering and resting. Uh, but we got some good content coming your way, so stay tuned.

[81:18] Thank you for tuning in, and I am glad to be back, and I hope to see you next week. See you next week. Bye.